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Trish
SFN Addict
USA
2102 Posts |
 Posted - 04/17/2002 : 09:37:18
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Subject: New element found
Investigators at a major research institution recently discovered the heaviest element known to science and have tentatively named it Administratium, with the chemical symbol Ad. Administratium has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0.
However, it does have:
1 neutron,
125 assistant neutrons,
75 vice neutrons, and
111 assistant vice neutrons.
This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons. The morons are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically, as it impedes every action with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take four days to complete when it would have
normally occurred in less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and
assistant vice neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization, some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion has led some scientists to speculate that Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever moron concentration reaches a certain level. This hypothetical quality is
referred to as the Critical-Morass.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations and universities, and can usually be found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.
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...no one has ever found a 4.5 billion year old stone artifact (at the right geological stratum) with the words "Made by God."
No Sense of Obligation by Matt Young
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Hook
Skeptic Friend
USA
79 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2002 : 10:33:18 [Permalink]
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Lol!
I first saw this in academia about 1990, but it still cracks me up. One of my all time favorites!
Thanks!
(P)>
"I don't care whether my neighbor believes in zero gods or 20 gods, I care whether my neighbor believes in democracy."
--Bill Moyers |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2002 : 11:34:12 [Permalink]
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Good one.
Those of us who have suffered the effects of Admistratium poisoning are all too familiar with this element. We just didn't have a name for it, at least not one you'd care to try and publish in a newspaper.
Thanks. Made my day!
f
"The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason."--Benjamin Franklin, _Poor_Richard_, 1758
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NubiWan
Skeptic Friend
USA
424 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2002 : 17:37:37 [Permalink]
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Real good..., here's a couple more thoughts;
1. Post Office just recalled their newest stamps:
They had pictures of IRS agents on them, and people couldn't figure
out which side to spit on.
2. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only
save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?
3. What do you call 25 I.R.S. agents buried up to their chins in
cement?
Not enough cement.
4. What do you call 25 skydiving I.R.S. agents?
Skeet.
5. What do you throw to a drowning I.R.S. agent?
His co-workers.
6. What's brown and looks really good on an I.R.S. agent?
A Doberman.
7. What's the difference between an I.R.S. agent and a mosquito?
One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.
"If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities." -Voltaire |
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Hook
Skeptic Friend
USA
79 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2002 : 22:15:09 [Permalink]
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Heyyyy! You can't fool me, NubiWan, those are retreaded lawyer jokes!
So, I guess I could add:
Whats the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead IRS agent in the road? The skunk has skid marks in front of it. 
Good ones, Nubiwan. LOL!
(P-)>
"I don't care whether my neighbor believes in zero gods or 20 gods, I care whether my neighbor believes in democracy."
--Bill Moyers |
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