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Dude
SFN Die Hard
USA
6891 Posts |
 Posted - 10/24/2004 : 21:44:36
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This is the text of an email I recieved today from a "conservative" friend of mine. Taken as a joke, it's pretty funny to imagine the beating any US president would recieve if they actually delivered a speech even close to this.
Sadly, I think there are people out there who would really like to see a pres give this speech.
Posted in Humor because I think it's funny  I picture Dubya starting off this speech with "I'm a uniter, not a divider!" and am amused by the irony.
quote:
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR
> GEORGE W. BUSH GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH? (Even from Kerry, IF he
> should become President)
>
>
> My Fellow Americans:
> As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since
> congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission
> in Iraq is complete.
>
> This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
> forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now
> time to begin the reckoning.
>
> Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
> which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
> short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are
> some of the countries listed there.
>
> The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
> worlds nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing
> copies of both lists later this evening.
>
> Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
> nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
> during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
> Iraqi war.
>
> The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
> Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
>
> Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
>
> In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
> money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
>
>
> On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we
> will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face
> of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or
> maybe China.
>
> To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace
> deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go
> to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big
> tables, too. By the way Palestinians, we are no longer going to restrain
> Israel!
>
> I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with!
> France, Germany, and Russia Thanks for all your help, comrades.
>
>
> We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
>
> I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many
> UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
> parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded
> and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You
> creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets
> tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned
> over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
>
> A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
> likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to
> try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President
> Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude
> adjustment. I will have a couple of extra tank and infantry divisions
> sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security.
> So start doing something with your oil.
>
> Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty
> ---starting now. We are sick and tired of the one-way highway.
>
> It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own
> citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying,
> "dern tootin."
>
> Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life! around the
> world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
> the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to
> eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup
> Soccer from America.
>
> To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and
> we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Go to Hell.
> God bless America. Thank you and good night.
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Ignorance is preferable to error; and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing, than he who believes what is wrong.
-- Thomas Jefferson
"god :: the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument." - G. Carlin
Hope, n.
The handmaiden of desperation; the opiate of despair; the illegible signpost on the road to perdition. ~~ da filth |
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Cuneiformist
The Imperfectionist
USA
4955 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 22:21:43 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Dude
This is the text of an email I recieved today from a "conservative" friend of mine. Taken as a joke, it's pretty funny to imagine the beating any US president would recieve if they actually delivered a speech even close to this.
quote:
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR
> GEORGE W. BUSH GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH? (Even from Kerry, IF he
> should become President)
...
> Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty
> ---starting now. We are sick and tired of the one-way highway.
...
What the fuck? So we're tired of putting up factories in cheap-ass Mexico? When did Corperate America want that to stop?
Oh right-- the xenophobic, mindless, Linbaugh-quoting ass who wrote that email hasn't thought for five seconds about any of the fucking shit he wrote about. Stop sending aid to all but a select few countries?!? Right. Egpyt would doubtless turn into a terrorist-free, American-loving haven without our $4 billion. Russia would certainly work to protect those nukes even without our extra billions. Good plan-- that'll keep us safe! And piss of Mexico and Canda? Our largest trading partners? Smart move! It's like Washington, Lincoln, FDR, Kennedy, and Reagan all rolled up into one!
Dude, you should email your dumbass friend and tell him to run for office-- his ideas are really well-planned and grounded in political and economic reality. I can only pray to the Lord God above that I'll have the chance to vote for him!!!!!! |
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Tim
SFN Regular
USA
775 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 02:22:42 [Permalink]
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Actually, I'm not opposed to all of the ideas in the email. If the author had some grasp of political nuance, respect for others, common sense and an understanding of diplomacy, some of those ideas just might have some merrit.
By the way, Dude, is the author one of those self-proclaimed libertarians that sit in front of their computer monitor all day long attacking others and supporting the President even though Republicans may have less in common with Libertarians than the Democrats do? |
"We got an issue in America. Too many good docs are gettin' out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their -- their love with women all across this country." Dubya in Poplar Bluff, Missouri, 9/6/2004
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Dude
SFN Die Hard
USA
6891 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 08:46:06 [Permalink]
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| I have no idea who wrote it. It's a chain-letter as far as I can tell..... I left off the last bit that says to send it to 10 people.... rofl. |
Ignorance is preferable to error; and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing, than he who believes what is wrong.
-- Thomas Jefferson
"god :: the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument." - G. Carlin
Hope, n.
The handmaiden of desperation; the opiate of despair; the illegible signpost on the road to perdition. ~~ da filth |
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