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Dik-Dik Van Dik
Skeptic Friend
United Kingdom
76 Posts |
 Posted - 04/03/2005 : 23:04:57
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I've been seeing a girl from a moderate islamic country for a year now, she is from a big city and is very cosmopolitan.
She doesnt follow her religion with the exception of a few habitual things. However her family does and that poses problems. They aren't enthusiastic on her seeing a non-muslim foreign guy, but would not presume to tell her what to do.
Since we've been together a long time thinking about marriage and children is natual. I cannot legally marry her without converting. And if in theory I officially converted, her family would expect any children to be raised as muslims. I could bring myself to educate them of their culture etc. but I could not raise them to believe or indoctrinate them.
The simple solution is to say break up, which I can't do. Or to take a firm stance on my beliefs or lack thereof. However she is from a very close loving family, blood is thicker than water, and if her family rejected me then she could not chose me over them and I could not ask her to do that.
Anyone have any experience with this kind of thing?
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DARWIN 3:16
"The simple believeth every word." - Proverbs 14:15
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 02:40:21 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Dik-Dik Van Dik
I've been seeing a girl from a moderate islamic country for a year now, she is from a big city and is very cosmopolitan.
She doesnt follow her religion with the exception of a few habitual things. However her family does and that poses problems. They aren't enthusiastic on her seeing a non-muslim foreign guy, but would not presume to tell her what to do.
Since we've been together a long time thinking about marriage and children is natual. I cannot legally marry her without converting. And if in theory I officially converted, her family would expect any children to be raised as muslims. I could bring myself to educate them of their culture etc. but I could not raise them to believe or indoctrinate them.
The simple solution is to say break up, which I can't do. Or to take a firm stance on my beliefs or lack thereof. However she is from a very close loving family, blood is thicker than water, and if her family rejected me then she could not chose me over them and I could not ask her to do that.
Anyone have any experience with this kind of thing?
I have none, personally at least, and would not presume to advise in this sort of a situation. I have seen it while in the service a few times. Then, the guy simply married her and shipped her back to the states. How this went down with the girl's family, I don't know.
Welcome to SFN!
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beskeptigal
SFN Die Hard
USA
3834 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 02:48:12 [Permalink]
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If you take up a religion just to marry it may be difficult later. If the girl does not mind you faking it for her parent's sake it might work but if you fake it and try to deceive her, that is not a good foundation for a relationship.
BTW, welcome to SFN. |
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Siberia
SFN Addict
Brazil
2322 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 04:15:05 [Permalink]
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| I've muslim friends, but never had a religious-oriented boyfriend... so I can't quite tell. |
"Why are you afraid of something you're not even sure exists?"
- The Kovenant, Via Negativa
"People who don't like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn't have such funny beliefs."
-- unknown
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furshur
SFN Regular
USA
1536 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 05:53:58 [Permalink]
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Your answer is in your question. The only way she will marry you is if you convert. You will not convert.
You ain't going to marry this women. Not the answer you probably want but that appears to be the way that it is.
I would continue the relationship because you clearly love this women, however it is only fair that she know that you will not convert so that she is free to find someone, if she choses, who is muslem or willing to convert she can have a family of her own.
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If I knew then what I know now then I would know more now than I know. |
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Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9688 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 07:38:19 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Dik-Dik Van Dik
I cannot legally marry her without converting.
This sentence puzzles me. Are you living in Islamic country other than hers? (your profile doesn't say...)
As far as I know, no "western" countries like in Europe, or America have any legal obstacles marrying people of different faiths. I can obviously be wrong in this, if so please enlighten me.
Perhaps you're saying that her Islamic faith forbids her to take a non-muslim husband?
quote:
The simple solution is to say break up, which I can't do. Or to take a firm stance on my beliefs or lack thereof. However she is from a very close loving family, blood is thicker than water, and if her family rejected me then she could not chose me over them and I could not ask her to do that.
I don't have experience of your particular situation, but I do think that furshur has a good point: You have at least partly answered your own question already.
My advice is that you sit down with your girlfriend, and have an openhearted discussion about it. Playing straight, and with open cards is always the best thing to do in the long run.
Ask her what she expects of your relationship, and be prepared that the answer might not be what you expected. She, even more so than you, should be aware of the cultural dilemma you both are facing, and she might have a sollution.
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Starman
SFN Regular
Sweden
1613 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 07:42:22 [Permalink]
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I'm afraid I have to agree with furshur.
If her family rejects you for who you are and she thinks that you are the one that should change, she is in my opinion not the one you should live with.
You better discuss this with her.
Whoever you in the future decide to have children with, make sure you share similar views on how you should raise them, before you start breeding.
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"Any religion that makes a form of torture into an icon that they worship seems to me a pretty sick sort of religion quite honestly"
-- Terry Jones |
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Dik-Dik Van Dik
Skeptic Friend
United Kingdom
76 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 07:46:34 [Permalink]
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quote:
This sentence puzzles me. Are you living in Islamic country other than hers? (your profile doesn't say...)
No we curently live in England. I'm not sure what the laws regarding international marriage are, but any marriage would definitely not be recognised in her home country, where we hope to live one day. |
DARWIN 3:16
"The simple believeth every word." - Proverbs 14:15
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sweetmiracle
Skeptic Friend
USA
74 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 09:36:35 [Permalink]
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Think very carefully before you get yourself into a bad situation, If you live in her home country, then what happens to your children may not be up to you. If you try to interfere in any way with their proper brainwashing in the national mania, then you may be shut out of their lives entirely...or worse.
My brother married a religious woman (JWs) and that turned out horribly. She pretty much destroyed him by using religion as a whip, then dumped him for being a heretic. Then she made access to their two kids as difficult as she could. |
Remarkable claims require remarkable proof.
-Carl Sagan |
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Bradley
Skeptic Friend
USA
147 Posts |
Posted - 04/07/2005 : 11:34:17 [Permalink]
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| Think of the children. |
"Too much doubt is better than too much credulity."
-Robert Green Ingersoll (1833 - 1899) |
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard
3192 Posts |
Posted - 04/07/2005 : 11:45:12 [Permalink]
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| Dont do it man, your setting yourself up for a life of giving in. Just go without children, problem solved, or adopt some pre-muslims. |
"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History
"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini |
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