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Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9688 Posts |
 Posted - 05/11/2006 : 21:48:10
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This thursday I went together with my girlfriend to a funeral of a relative of hers.
While sitting in the bench in the church reflecting over the ceremony I was overwhelmed by the religiosity of it all. I didn't know how religious the dearly departed relative was, even though I've talked to him many times. The priest made unusually heavy proselytizing for being a Lutheran church, and I found myself appalled by the thought that my funeral might look the same as the one I was attending. Since I'm no longer religious, but refer to myself as agnostic/atheist/anti-theist, I want no part of any Jesus marketing campaign.
Besides writing down my living will (what to do if I become brain-dead kept alive in a support-machine or force-fed like Terri Schiavo, donation of organs and such), I will also write down my wishes for funeral ceremonies.
I will pick songs for them to sing that is appropriate for me, that I care for. I have three of them in mind. Come to think of it, AC/DC - Highway to Hell might be offensive and over the top for some, I'll have to pick a replacement.
There is one song by the Swedish duo Adolphson & Falk called "Vidare" that feels approriate. I will try to make a translation of the lyrics (at least parts of it) and post it here, and you'll see what I mean.
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H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard
USA
4574 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2006 : 22:00:59 [Permalink]
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What do you guys think of a sort of video presentation (put together while one is alive, obviously), to be played at the funeral? Cool way to show loved ones some final thoughts, favorite songs, poems, etc.; or is it just morbid and creepy?
Incidentally, if you aren't familiar with Philip Larkin's poem Aubade, I highly recommend it. (An aubade is traditionally a poem or song of or about lovers separating at dawn.) |
"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman
"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie |
| Edited by - H. Humbert on 05/11/2006 22:08:02 |
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Wendy
SFN Regular
USA
614 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2006 : 08:55:37 [Permalink]
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I think the best way to get the funeral you want is to pre-plan it with the funeral home you intend to use. That does not always require you to pre-pay. Check around.
I personally don't care what kind of funeral I have, as I'll be dead. Since it's for the people I love I'll be leaving behind, I want them to have whatever kind of service they find most comforting.
The best funeral I ever attended (damn, that sounds morbid) was for a much-loved local attorney (go figure!). It was in a church, but the music could have been from his favorite radio station. There was a slide show of pictures taken throughout his life. Best of all there was a box on a table with lots of paper and pens for anyone who wanted to write about the dearly departed. The anecdotes were placed in the box for the family to keep.
I stole the idea and when my husband's father died we put out a similar box. After the service we all sat around together and pulled stories out of the box and read them aloud to each other. We learned a lot about the man we'd never have known otherwise, were reminded of things forgotten, and were all comforted somehow.
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Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy afternoon.
-- Susan Ertz
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Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9688 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2006 : 13:53:44 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by H. Humbert
What do you guys think of a sort of video presentation (put together while one is alive, obviously), to be played at the funeral? Cool way to show loved ones some final thoughts, favorite songs, poems, etc.; or is it just morbid and creepy?
When I wrote the post I was thinking of the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode Skin of Evil, where security chief Tasha Yar is killed. She had a holodeck recording of herself to say farewell. |
Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3
"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse
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Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9688 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2006 : 13:56:43 [Permalink]
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| Both the slide show and the box are great ideas. Thanks Wendy. |
Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3
"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse
Support American Troops in Iraq:
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Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9688 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2006 : 14:41:58 [Permalink]
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Rough translation of the lyrics for Adolphson&Falk - Vidare
(Vidare: beyond, move on, go on, advance, continue further, go ahead,)
It's almost impossible for me to both translate the rhythmics and rhyme, and keep close fidelity to the original meaning of the lyrics. Because I feel the content has higher importance you'll have to take my word that the rhythm and rhyme makes the song beautiful enough to make eyes moist.
Adolphson&Falk is a synth-pop band with intellectual lyrics that often contain elements of technology like radios, computers, and machinery, but this is a ballad is one of their greatest songs in my opinion though it was never released as a single (to my knowledge).
quote:
We're searching for lights through the telescope.
We're sending out "hello" and listening for echos.
We're searching for life where other suns reign.
We're stretching out our faith as far as possible.
We're driven to find answers,
to see through illusions,
to strive for the limit within eternity,
to solve every part of the Universe's Equations:
to momentarily quench our thirst for knowledge.
We keep on searching,
we don't want to stay put/stay content
with a view of our world
that is limited and narrow.
We want to see beyond
past known perspectives.
We've got "space" in our blood
It's a part of our lives.
Like past adventurers' ships that defeated oceans,
we're sending out our hope on a hopeful journey.
We let our thoughts flow along, in the orbits of galaxies
and search knowledge about ourselves in every alien world.
Because both you and me consists of matter from a star
just like any other planet that's spinning in obscurity.
Even though we're light years from each other
we're close and connected,
Because we're all children of the same space/universe.
We keep on searching,
we don't want to stay put/stay content
with a view of our world
that is limited and narrow.
We want to see beyond
past known perspectives.
We've got "space" in our blood
It's a part of our lives.
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Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3
"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse
Support American Troops in Iraq:
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2006 : 23:29:08 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Wendy
I personally don't care what kind of funeral I have, as I'll be dead. Since it's for the people I love I'll be leaving behind, I want them to have whatever kind of service they find most comforting.
That's got to be one the most lovely well thought out posts I've ever read.
As for favorite music, I'd have them play songs from the best band in the world, Carabao, very loud. So I could hear them... where ever the hell I've gone.
My favorite song from the band, roughly translated is about someone who just lost their job and is feeling depressed. He is told, as long as you have two hands to work with or two legs to walk you are not useless. Wonder if that would be appropriate? But as a Buddhist, to show no attachment to the material world, we are cremated. So maybe anyone going to my ceremony will play 'Dust in the Wind' |
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Siberia
SFN Addict
Brazil
2322 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2006 : 08:24:45 [Permalink]
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Dust in the Wind... perfect for cremations 
But I want to be fed to wild animals, so, no funeral for me. They can bury a lock of hair if they want, to the sound of Rammstein, Queen and Beethoven. Heck, just start a rave in my honor! Oh yeah! |
"Why are you afraid of something you're not even sure exists?"
- The Kovenant, Via Negativa
"People who don't like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn't have such funny beliefs."
-- unknown
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Wendy
SFN Regular
USA
614 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2006 : 20:29:38 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Snake
That's got to be one the most lovely well thought out posts I've ever read.
Wow! Thanks, Snake! That's got to be the nicest post I've ever seen you leave for... well... um... anybody. I appreciate it. I really do.
quote:
Originally posted by Dr. Mabuse
Both the slide show and the box are great ideas. Thanks Wendy.
You're most welcome, Dr. Mabuse. I can't take credit for either one. I detest funerals myself, and I avoid going whenever possible. I accept death as a natural part of life, but so much of what goes on at funerals seems unnatural to me.
My mother has announced to the family that when she dies she wants to be buried in a red nightgown. I have no idea why, and she's not telling. When the time comes I plan to stand by the casket, and when someone invariably says, "She looks just like she is sleeping," I'm going to say, "Of course she does! She's wearing a f*cking NIGHTGOWN!" As she does not own one, my brothers and I are going to draw straws to see who has to go out and buy it. I'm pulling for the one who's retired from the oil patch. I plan to hide and watch.
The truth is, I'm grateful for the weird request. It will give some laughs at a time when we'll all be hurting. I think that's why she asked. She plans to let us have some fun at her expense one last time. Moms are selfless like that.
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Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy afternoon.
-- Susan Ertz
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2006 : 21:07:25 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Wendy
When the time comes I plan to stand by the casket, and when someone invariably says, "She looks just like she is sleeping," I'm going to say, "Of course she does! She's wearing a f*cking NIGHTGOWN!"
My wife has decided against a viewing after she dies, and to that end made me swear that if the rest of the family interferes with her wishes, that I'm to rig her corpse so that at random times during the services, her body will sit upright in the casket and say things like "don't I look natural?" |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9688 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2006 : 02:57:23 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave W.
quote:
Originally posted by Wendy
When the time comes I plan to stand by the casket, and when someone invariably says, "She looks just like she is sleeping," I'm going to say, "Of course she does! She's wearing a f*cking NIGHTGOWN!"
My wife has decided against a viewing after she dies, and to that end made me swear that if the rest of the family interferes with her wishes, that I'm to rig her corpse so that at random times during the services, her body will sit upright in the casket and say things like "don't I look natural?"
Make sure you get a recording of her saying that asap. Just to be on the safe side. This is why everyone should have will prepared. |
Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3
"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse
Support American Troops in Iraq:
Send them unarmed civilians for target practice..
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R.Wreck
SFN Regular
USA
1191 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2006 : 09:42:07 [Permalink]
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Whatever you guys and gals decide to do with your corpse, I recommend a killer coffin.
I'v already picked one out for me:
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The foundation of morality is to . . . give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibliities of knowledge.
T. H. Huxley
The Cattle Prod of Enlightened Compassion
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2006 : 20:32:16 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Wendy
quote:
Originally posted by Snake
That's got to be one the most lovely well thought out posts I've ever read.
Wow! Thanks, Snake! That's got to be the nicest post I've ever seen you leave for... well... um... anybody. I appreciate it. I really do.
My mother has announced to the family that when she dies she wants to be buried in a red nightgown. I have no idea why, and she's not telling. When the time comes I plan to stand by the casket, and when someone invariably says, "She looks just like she is sleeping," I'm going to say, "Of course she does! She's wearing a f*cking NIGHTGOWN!"
LOL that's hilarious. I like your mom already. I hope you do get to say something like that. You both sound like something I'd do. In fact I did, at my fathers funeral. Being Buddhist I took a good sized statue of a Buddha, wanted to put it on the stage, it was so long ago I forget what exactly did happen but needless to say, everyone wearing the little benies and the rabbi (a Jewish priest, however it's spelled) didn't appreciate that. LOL. Don't know why people (Jews especially) have to be to 'up tight' about stuff like that.
As far as you saying "nicest post", when someone says something thoughtful and intelligent it's worth a mention. (not sure what else you've been reading!)
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Kil
Evil Skeptic
USA
13477 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2006 : 22:14:32 [Permalink]
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quote:
Snake:
Don't know why people (Jews especially) have to be to 'up tight' about stuff like that.
So, you are saying that no other people or religion have such uptight people as to not allow another religions icon do be displayed at their service? Your pretty sure that, ohhhh, a catholic priest would be okay with that?
But hey, I'm sure you had to get in a dig about Jews, because, like your feeling toward women, that is your experience with them. Your insights are a delight to behold. (I will now be accused of lacking the intelligence to understand you if you follow the standard course you take when you are subjected to any criticism….)
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Uncertainty may make you uncomfortable. Certainty makes you ridiculous.
Why not question something for a change?
Genetic Literacy Project |
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Wendy
SFN Regular
USA
614 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2006 : 07:40:02 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by R.Wreck
Whatever you guys and gals decide to do with your corpse, I recommend a killer coffin.
Those ROCK! And they're a steal at five or six hundred bucks. I wonder if I could a Diet Coke coffin... perhaps I'll check.  |
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy afternoon.
-- Susan Ertz
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beskeptigal
SFN Die Hard
USA
3834 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2006 : 12:01:24 [Permalink]
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My parents joined The Neptune Society. We cremated my Dad and put his ashes in the Rogue River at a park wayside. That now serves as our little memorial site. I wish there was a headstone there but, oh well. We didn't have a funeral at all. But part of that decision was most of the people who would have come would have had to travel from out of state and we didn't want them to feel obligated for that expense.
Mom is still alive, of course.
Personally, I want to be a bog mummy, except with out the noose and daggar part, or desert mummy, sans gunshot wound, of course. If I get rich before I die, I'll go for the cryonics. Who knows, maybe one can be revived in a million years. Wouldn't that be cool?
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| Edited by - beskeptigal on 05/16/2006 12:03:04 |
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