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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard
3192 Posts |
 Posted - 08/21/2006 : 11:25:48 [Permalink]
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Homer: You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.
Bart: Since when?
Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.
Principal Skinner: Oh, you think this stolen 'H' is a laugh riot, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl! Well, I guess that is a little funny.
Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
Lucy Lawless: ... but I'm sure that once girls get to know the real you, you'll get plenty of dates. Next question.
[hands go up. She picks Frink]
Frink: Yes, over here, n'hey, n'hey. In episode BF12, you were battling barbarians while riding a winged Appaloosa, yet in the very next scene, my dear, you're clearly atop a winged Arabian. Please do explain it.
Lucy Lawless: Ah, yeah, well, whenever you notice something like that, a wizard did it.
Frink: I see, all right, yes, but in episode AG4 --
Lucy Lawless: Wizard.
Frink: [under breath] Aw, for glaven out loud.
Mr.Burns: (To Homer)One more thing...You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon!
Smithers: Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr.Burns: And the road maps, and the driving gloves?!
Smithers: Yes, sir.
Mr.Burns:Then its all falling into place!
Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
Mr. Burns: Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.
Homer: I do have a story about two other young marrieds. Now, the wife of this couple had an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow.
Mrs. Krabappel: We need names.
Homer: Well, er, let's just call them, uh, "Mr. X" and "Mrs. Y." So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson."
And my all time favorite
Mr. Burns: Oh, so the island's not for sale, eh? Well, will you at least
permit us to live in your socialist paradise?
Castro: You talking about Cuba?
Mr. Burns: All we ask is preferential treatment because of my fabulous wealth!
[Burns holds the trillion dollar bill up.]
Castro: May I see?
Mr. Burns: Ho ho ho, see with your eyes, not with your hands!
Castro: Please, we are all amigos here!
Homer: Mr. Burns.. I think we can trust the president of CUBA..
Mr. Burns: [hands it to Castro, and waits a couple of seconds.] Now, give it back...
Castro: Give what back?
Mr. Burns: D'ohh...
Homer: It's hard to believe there's a place worse than America, but we found it!
Mr. Burns: Yes, I too feel renewed appreciation for the good old US of A. Oppression and harrassment are a small price to pay to live in the land of the free.
Smithers: Sir, aren't you facing some serious jail time?
Mr. Burns: Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that!
Homer: God bless America!
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"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History
"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini |
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard
3192 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2006 : 10:02:28 [Permalink]
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From last night,
[Homer-in amazement] "Wow, your paintings have brushstrokes!"
Recipe card,
Pasta
Sauce
Poison
(Serves 6-10 enemies) |
"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History
"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini |
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