|
|
|
|
HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
 Posted - 11/10/2006 : 22:40:31
|
Cambridge, MA (OUP) -- Physicist Maria Toakins of MIT today unveiled the nonsense-detecting device she designed, which she and her colleagues have now successfully prototyped, tested, and patented.
The device has been dubbed the Woodar, an acronym for "Wand Of Original Design for Augmenting Reason." The Woodar, shaped like a fat pen, is small enough to fit inconspicuously in a hand.
According to a press handout, the small digital device is capable of detecting, discriminating, and quantifying at least five classes of baloney: Religious hogwash, pseudo-scientific gobbledygook, New Age mumbo jumbo, political claptrap, and another especially bizarre class of drivel which seems to consist entirely of Scientology bullshit.
"Since the first shaman convinced Ogg that the best way to cure his toothache was for the shaman to do wanka-wanka with Ogg's mate, there has been a need for our Woodar," Toakins said.
"Some people seem to be born without the capacity to detect balderdash. Just as a calculator can help those who are mathematically under-equipped, so can our new device help the absurdity challenged. Even those of us born with with a good hooey-detecting sense can benefit from the Woodar, as it is sensitive enough to detect even the lowest levels of twaddle, and can detect it at great range."
Using a laser pointer to indicate an oversize projection of the Woodar, Toakins said, "Notice the digital readout. Not only does the Woodar report the quantity of detected folly in coulter units, it also tells the user what class of crap the blather belongs to. There is also an optional audio alert signal."
Toakins continued, "The Woodar can be switched easily between an omnidirectional mode of operation and a highly directional mode. This can be handy in first detecting the presence of gibberish in a crowded room, then locating the precise source of that bosh."
The Woodar is designed to detect not just rubbish itself, but even detects people who harbor bunkum in their minds, Toakins explained.
"Let me just demonstrate the sensitivity of the Woodar," Toakins said. She swept the point of the Woodar along the line in which her colleagues and research assistants were standing. The device beeped softly as it pointed to one white-coated man. "Ah, Professor Wilkins! I am registering a low but steady 20 microcoulters from your direction. So, you're still convinced that tie of yours looks good, eh?"
Professor Wilkins blushed and nodded.
|
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
Edited by - HalfMooner on 11/10/2006 23:58:03
|
|
|
Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 11/10/2006 : 23:42:21 [Permalink]
|
| Very reminiscent of The Onion's style. I think "coulter units" should have been capitalized, like Pascals, Hertz or Kelvin. |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
 |
|
|
HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 11/10/2006 : 23:45:44 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by Dave W.
Very reminiscent of The Onion's style. I think "coulter units" should have been capitalized, like Pascals, Hertz or Kelvin.
Thanks, will do! (Does one capitalize it as MicroCoulters, microCoulters, or what?)
|
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
| Edited by - HalfMooner on 11/10/2006 23:46:08 |
|
|
|
Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 11/10/2006 : 23:53:58 [Permalink]
|
Well, hold on, since one doesn't capitalize ohms or amperes. "Volt" and "farad," not being Volta's nor Faraday's whole names (respectively) aren't capitalized.
Ah, nevermind. Lowercase was correct. As an editor, I should know these things.
|
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
|
|
|
HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 11/10/2006 : 23:57:27 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by Dave W.
Well, hold on, since one doesn't capitalize ohms or amperes. "Volt" and "farad," not being Volta's nor Faraday's whole names (respectively) aren't capitalized.
Ah, nevermind. Lowercase was correct. As an editor, I should know these things.
And back it will go to the miniscule. TY for caring, honestly.
|
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
|
|
|
Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 11/11/2006 : 00:43:38 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by HalfMooner
TY for caring, honestly.
It's a double-edged sword.
I just realized that in these threads of yours, I've been doing something that I'd found rather disturbing in past instances: skeptically deconstructing humor. There are several examples to be found in these forums, where someone makes what should have obviously been a joke (with or without smileys), and someone else comes along to say, "well, not really..." to start an exposition on why the premise for the joke isn't accurate. I'm sure that ergo might have something to say about such examples of over-intellectualizing, but the ones I'm talking about are so obvious that who needs him?
On the other hand, you, Half, did pretty much ask for this sort of thing, so I'm not going to spend a lot of time regretting the fact that I looked up SI capitalization standards, Googled "Institute for Biblical Archeology" or even just that I mentioned that my taste in humor is more towards the subtle end.
 |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
|
|
|
HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 11/11/2006 : 00:51:18 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by Dave W.
quote:
Originally posted by HalfMooner
TY for caring, honestly.
It's a double-edged sword.
I just realized that in these threads of yours, I've been doing something that I'd found rather disturbing in past instances: skeptically deconstructing humor. There are several examples to be found in these forums, where someone makes what should have obviously been a joke (with or without smileys), and someone else comes along to say, "well, not really..." to start an exposition on why the premise for the joke isn't accurate. I'm sure that ergo might have something to say about such examples of over-intellectualizing, but the ones I'm talking about are so obvious that who needs him?
On the other hand, you, Half, did pretty much ask for this sort of thing, so I'm not going to spend a lot of time regretting the fact that I looked up SI capitalization standards, Googled "Institute for Biblical Archeology" or even just that I mentioned that my taste in humor is more towards the subtle end.
Look, Dave, I really appreciate your editorial advice, no shit, honest. Luckily, these deconstructions come after the reader has read the story. Otherwise, it would be akin to taking someone on a revealing tour of a sausage-making plant, and then offering them a frankfurter.
|
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
| Edited by - HalfMooner on 11/11/2006 00:52:02 |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
Topic Locked
