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ergo123
BANNED
USA
810 Posts |
 Posted - 11/18/2006 : 08:53:06
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I think davie was a little too quick to lock the other limerick thread. It seemed like a creative way to let off the steam that get blasted in other threads. We'll see how long he lets this one stay open...
Here is a few to get things rolling:
Davie did the limerick page lock
Attempting a duel to block
But his short-sighted haste
Was it jealousy based?
What with his poems being such schlock
Halfmooner and ergo did battle
With poems not just stale prattle
The creative flow blocked
When the thread it was locked
By a dork that's too easy to rattle
Though filthy your logic does suffer
It no more than any old duffer
Why do not you try
Throw a limerick at I
And see if it's easy or tougher
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No witty quotes. I think for myself. |
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ergo123
BANNED
USA
810 Posts |
Posted - 11/19/2006 : 11:03:46 [Permalink]
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So kil claims that ergo's a troll
Because ergo critiqued his last poll?
It's cuz 'errors' are 'lies'
In kil's biased eyes
Makes one wonder just what was his goal...
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No witty quotes. I think for myself. |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2006 : 22:46:50 [Permalink]
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There was a young fellow from Trinity,
Who took the square root of infinity.
But the number of digits, Gave him the fidgets;
He dropped Math and took up Divinity.
-- George Gamow
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2006 : 03:45:48 [Permalink]
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Nah. I'd rather read poetry. Here's one I've always liked:
The Friggin' Falcon
© 1966 by Theodore R. Cogswell
I went out to take a friggin' walk by the friggin' reservoir,
a-wishin' for a friggin' quid to pay my friggin' score,
my head it was a-achin' and my throat was parched and dry,
and so I sent a little prayer, a-wingin' to the sky...
And there came a friggin' falcon and he walked upon the waves,
and I said, "A friggin' miracle!" and sang a couple staves,
of a friggin' churchy ballad I learned when I was young.
The friggin' bird took to the air, and spattered me with dung.
I fell upon my friggin' knees and bowed my friggin' head,
and said three friggin' Aves for all my friggin' dead,
and then I got upon my feet and said another ten.
The friggin' bird burst into flame - and spattered me again.
The burnin' bird hung in the sky just like a friggin' sun.
It seared my friggin' eyelids shut, and when the job was done,
the friggin' bird flashed cross the sky just like a shootin' star.
I ran to tell the friggin' priest - he bummed my last cigar.
I told him of the miracle, he told me of the Rose,
I showed him bird crap in my hair, the bastard held his nose.
I went to see the bishop but the friggin' bishop said,
"Go home and sleep it off, you sod - and wash your friggin' head!"
Then I came upon a friggin' wake for a friggin' rotten swine,
by the name of Jock O'Leary and I touched his head with mine,
and old Jock sat up in his box and raised his friggin' head.
His wife took out a forty-four, and shot the bastard dead.
Again I touched his head with mine and brought him back to life.
His smiling face rolled on the floor, this time she used a knife.
And then she fell upon her knees, and started in to pray,
"It's forty years, O Lord," she said, "I've waited for this day."
So I walked the friggin' city 'mongst the friggin' halt and lame,
and every time I raised them up, they got knocked down again,
'cause the love of God comes down to man in a friggin' curious way,
but when a man is marked for love, that love is here to stay.
And this I know because I've got a friggin' curious sign;
for every time I wash my head, the water turns to wine!
And I gives it free to workin' blokes to brighten up their lives,
so they don't kick no dogs around, nor beat up on their wives.
'Cause there ain't no use to miracles like walkin' on the sea;
They crucified the Son of God, but they don't muck with me!
'Cause I leave the friggin' blind alone, the dyin' and the dead,
but every day at four o'clock, I wash my friggin' head!
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2006 : 10:13:52 [Permalink]
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Now, that was friggin' funny.
If you can get away with doing non-limericks without being banned, I'll try the famous punchline of one of your Bobby Burns' poems from memory (then I'll check it out to get the odd spelling right before hitting "submit reply").
O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!
(From "To a Louse, On Seeing One On A Lady's Bonnet, At Church")
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2006 : 10:29:25 [Permalink]
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But maybe Bobby's most famous:
A Red, Red Rose
[Hear Red, Red Rose]
1794
O my Luve's like a red, red rose,
That's newly sprung in June:
O my Luve's like the melodie,
That's sweetly play'd in tune.
As fair art thou, my bonie lass,
So deep in luve am I;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a' the seas gang dry.
Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi' the sun;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
While the sands o' life shall run.
And fare-thee-weel, my only Luve!
And fare-thee-weel, a while!
And I will come again, my Luve,
Tho' 'twere ten thousand mile!
-- Robert Burns
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2006 : 13:05:47 [Permalink]
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I have always found this one charming:
Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi' bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee,
Wi' murd'ring pattle!
I'm truly sorry man's dominion,
Has broken nature's social union,
An' justifies that ill opinion,
Which makes thee startle
At me, thy poor, earth-born companion,
An' fellow-mortal!
I doubt na, whiles, but thou may thieve;
What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!
A daimen icker in a thrave
'S a sma' request;
I'll get a blessin wi' the lave,
An' never miss't!
Thy wee bit housie, too, in ruin!
It's silly wa's the win's are strewin!
An' naething, now, to big a new ane,
O' foggage green!
An' bleak December's winds ensuin,
Baith snell an' keen!
Thou saw the fields laid bare an' waste,
An' weary winter comin fast,
An' cozie here, beneath the blast,
Thou thought to dwell-
Till crash! the cruel coulter past
Out thro' thy cell.
That wee bit heap o' leaves an' stibble,
Has cost thee mony a weary nibble!
Now thou's turn'd out, for a' thy trouble,
But house or hald,
To thole the winter's sleety dribble,
An' cranreuch cauld!
But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain;
The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men
Gang aft agley,
An'lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!
Still thou art blest, compar'd wi' me
The present only toucheth thee:
But, Och! I backward cast my e'e.
On prospects drear!
An' forward, tho' I canna see,
I guess an' fear!
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2006 : 15:53:45 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave W.
I've always had a fondness for Scandinavian poetry.
Good one, Dave! Gave me a chuckle or two.... And let us not forget the dark and twisted world of Poe:
THE BELLS
by Edgar Allan Poe
(1849)
Hear the sledges with the bells-
Silver bells!
What a world of merriment their melody foretells!
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the icy air of night!
While the stars that oversprinkle
All the heavens, seem to twinkle
With a crystalline delight;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells-
From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells.
II
Hear the mellow wedding bells,
Golden bells!
What a world of happiness their harmony foretells!
Through the balmy air of night
How they ring out their delight!
From the molten-golden notes,
And an in tune,
What a liquid ditty floats
To the turtle-dove that listens, while she gloats
On the moon!
Oh, from out the sounding cells,
What a gush of euphony voluminously wells!
How it swells!
How it dwells
On the Future! how it tells
Of the rapture that impels
To the swinging and the ringing
Of the bells, bells, bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells,bells,
Bells, bells, bells-
To the rhyming and the chiming of the bells!
III
Hear the loud alarum bells-
Brazen bells!
What a tale of terror, now, their turbulency tells!
In the startled ear of night
How they scream out their affright!
Too much horrified to speak,
They can only shriek, shriek,
Out of tune,
In a clamorous appealing to the mercy of the fire,
In a mad expostulation with the deaf and frantic fire,
Leaping higher, higher, higher,
With a desperate desire,
And a resolute endeavor,
Now- now to sit or never,
By the side of the pale-faced moon.
Oh, the bells, bells, bells!
What a tale their terror tells
Of Despair!
How they clang, and clash, and roar!
What a horror they outpour
On the bosom of the palpitating air!
Yet the ear it fully knows,
By the twanging,
And the clanging,
How the danger ebbs and flows:
Yet the ear distinctly tells,
In the jangling,
And the wrangling,
How the danger sinks and swells,
By the sinking or the swelling in the anger of the bells-
Of the bells-
Of the bells, bells, bells,bells,
Bells, bells, bells-
In the clamor and the clangor of the bells!
IV
Hear the tolling of the bells-
Iron Bells!
What a world of solemn thought their monody compels!
In the silence of the night,
How we shiver with affright
At the melancholy menace of their tone!
For every sound that floats
From the rust within their throats
Is a groan.
And the people- ah, the people-
They that dwell up in the steeple,
All Alone
And who, tolling, tolling, tolling,
In that muffled monotone,
Feel a glory in so rolling
On the human heart a stone-
They are neither man nor woman-
They are neither brute nor human-
They are Ghouls:
And their king it is who tolls;
And he rolls, rolls, rolls,
Rolls
A paean from the bells!
And his merry bosom swells
With the paean of the bells!
And he dances, and he yells;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the paean of the bells-
Of the bells:
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the throbbing of the bells-
Of the bells, bells, bells-
To the sobbing of the bells;
Keeping time, time, time,
As he knells, knells, knells,
In a happy Runic rhyme,
To the rolling of the bells-
Of the bells, bells, bells:
To the tolling of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells-
Bells, bells, bells-
To the moaning and the groaning of the bells.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2006 : 16:54:15 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave W.
I've always had a fondness for Scandinavian poetry.
Nithe one, Dave. You can alwayth count upon thuch thagas for the very betht poetic toucheth.
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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Ricky
SFN Die Hard
USA
4907 Posts |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 11/26/2006 : 23:28:54 [Permalink]
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Gellaricks, gonzonics, and glimmerix,
I'm having great trouble with limericks.
I commit lyric crime just making them rhyme.
The stain has been giving me hemorrhix.
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 11/27/2006 : 08:57:03 [Permalink]
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There once was a girl from Nantucket,
Who evacuated into a bucket.
She said, "Oh my gosh,
I hope I don't slosh,
This shit all over... Aw, fuck it!"
You ask for Limericks
Such is poetry for drunks
I'd rather Haiku 
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2006 : 20:30:49 [Permalink]
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My take on the lyrics to the song, "Spirit in the Sky":
When I'm dead with no breath in my chest
Goin' into the dirt, like the rest
When I'm laid low with a clot
Gonna lay down in the dirt and start to rot
Gonna lay down in the dirt and start to rot
That's where I'm goin' when my farm's been bought
When I'm dead with no breath in my chest
Goin' into the dirt, like the rest
Prepare yourself, you know it's a must
I got a friend in humus
So now you know when you expire
Nature will recycle
That bod you won't require
Gonna recycle
That bod you won't require
You won't join no heavenly choir
When you're dead with no breath in your chest
You're goin' into the dirt, like the rest
Never been a prayer I never prayed
I got a friend in humus
So you know when I decease
Gotta mulch me up
So the humus will increase
Oh compost me into chips when I get shot
Or whatever reason my heart beats not
Mulch me up into pieces that will rot
When I'm dead with no breath in my chest
Goin' into the dirt, like the rest
Go into the dirt, like the rest
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
| Edited by - HalfMooner on 12/04/2006 20:48:26 |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 04:34:39 [Permalink]
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All Things Dull And Ugly
All things dull and ugly,
All creatures, short and squat,
All things rude and nasty,
The Lord God made the lot.
Each little snake that poisons,
Each little wasp that stings,
He made their brutish venom,
He made their horrid wings.
All things sick and cancerous,
All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous,
The Lord God made them all.
Each nasty little hornet,
Each beastly little squid,
Who made the spiky urchin?
Who made the sharks? He did!
All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.
-- Monty Python's Contractual Obligations Album
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard
3192 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 05:58:07 [Permalink]
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There once was a dark Lord named Xenu,
who nuked a few criminals that we knew.
He laughed at their sin
and tossed them all in.
Hmm, L. Ron's been sniffin the free glue. |
"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History
"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini |
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