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marfknox
SFN Die Hard
USA
3739 Posts |
 Posted - 12/04/2005 : 20:50:24
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This is my pathetic attempt to turn my bitter hatred of the holiday season into comedy. I encourage readers to make additions to these lists.
SHITTY THINGS ABOUT THE HOLIDAY SEASON:
-An excuse for people in a society that already encourages selfishness and overindulgence to be even more selfish and overindulgent.
-Lip-service about giving to the needy.
-Social pressure to spend money on useless crap.
-The poor feeling like shit because they don't have money to spend on useless crap.
-The look on the faces of people pretending to like a gift they've just opened.
-The assholes who don't even pretend to like the gift they've just opened.
-Diamond commercials
-Car commercials
-Normally decent authors (like John Grisham) writing Christmas-themed, trite drivel to capitalize on the holidays.
-Hollywood making bad movies based on the trite drivel written by normally decent authors.
-Family pressure to travel during some of the worst weather of the year. (Only applies if one has a family that they live far from.) The alternatives, of course, are to become estranged from family, live near them, or kill them. Not sure which is most preferred.
-Mobs of angry Christians shouting in the public square, "The SON is the reason for the season."
-Angry Atheists (all five of them with their sweatpants pulled up to their chins) shouting in the public square, "The SUN is the reason for the season."
-The 15% of non-Christians in this country feeling either a bit like hypocrites (for celebrating) or left out (for not celebrating) during the entire month of December.
-Froth-at-the-mouth fights over whether the big retail chain stores are instructing their employees to say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays".
LESS SHITTY THINGS ABOUT THE HOLIDAY SEASON:
-Lights are pretty, even if they drive up electricity bills and tend to start fatal fires, especially in Minnesota.
-The food taste good, even though it typically causes gas, weight gain, followed by body-image issues and guilt, followed by narcissistic New Year's resolutions to diet and exercise that one will perhaps stick to for a couple weeks.
-There are a few good holiday films and books, even if they are far outnumbered by really bad films and books.
-Many people actually enjoy visiting with family, at least part of the time.
-Actual giving to the needy. (But fuck'um the other 11 months out of the year.)
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"Too much certainty and clarity could lead to cruel intolerance" -Karen Armstrong
Check out my art store: http://www.marfknox.etsy.com
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2005 : 03:19:33 [Permalink]
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When chimney smoke hangs still and low
Across the stubbled fields of snow
And angry skies reach down and seize
The sorry blackened bones of trees
In the dead of winter when the silent snowbirds come
You're my sweet maple sugar,honey, hot buttered rum
When dreary Christmas decorations
Line the streets and filling stations
And dime store Santas can't disguise
Their empty hands and empty eyes
In the dead of winter when the tinsel angels come
You're my sweet maple sugar, honey, hot buttered rum
When gloves and boots and woolen parkas
Bring cold comfort to the heart
And bitter memories freeze the tongue
And words of love are left unsung
In the dead of winter when the cold feelings come
You're my sweet maple sugar, honey, hot buttered rum.
-- Tommy Thompson
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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woolytoad
Skeptic Friend
313 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2005 : 04:53:12 [Permalink]
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Why don't you just ignore the phoniness, have a good time, and say "thanks for the holiday" to your Christian friends? Is it worth getting so worked up about it?
Merry Christmas! |
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