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Kil
Evil Skeptic
USA
13477 Posts |
 Posted - 11/04/2010 : 08:37:32
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Last Remaining Politician Must Rebuild Entire Government Following Bloodiest Midterm Election In American History
WASHINGTON—In the wake of what is being called the deadliest midterm election in the nation's history, Washington's sole surviving politician, Rep. Peter DeFazio of Oregon's 4th Congressional District, emerged from the rubble of the Capitol building Wednesday to announce his intention to rebuild the fallen U.S. government.
The events of Tuesday night—which included live televised images of Sen. Harry Reid taking a gavel to the head of Sen. Mitch McConnell while Rep. Barney Frank repeatedly smashed the face of Undersecretary for Food Safety Elisabeth Hagen against a marble column—left most Americans believing their entire government had perished in the post-election bloodbath. But the miraculous survival of DeFazio points to a possible way forward.
After fashioning a splint for his broken leg and treating himself for superficial head wounds, a shaken DeFazio addressed the nation Wednesday.... |
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Uncertainty may make you uncomfortable. Certainty makes you ridiculous.
Why not question something for a change?
Genetic Literacy Project |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2010 : 20:53:50 [Permalink]
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| Ah, The Onion. That's among their best. |
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 11/05/2010 : 04:58:52 [Permalink]
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A little history:
Certain persons have and are now threatening the peace of the city... life and property will be insecure on the day of the election... it is the duty of the Council to preserve order at all times within the city limits -Corpus Christi Ranchero, February, 1863
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And so it was. These folks took their democracy seriously and were willing to go to great lengths to preserve it.
Laredo, Texas, a modest border city by any standard, was a quiet place in the mid-nineteenth century. Citizens were banned from dumping dead animals in public lots. Only one dog per household was allowed. Letting one's hogs run wild in the streets was an offense punishable by a twelve and one-half cent fine. All things considered, it was a dusty, hot, miserable, bucolic place.
That is, except for town elections. Laredo had a venerable tradition of fraudulent democracy solidly in place by the end of the 1800s. In an effort to stuff the ballot boxes and ensure a tidy election, unseemly politicians illegally imported Mexicans across town and across the border for an afternoon of free beer and clandestine voting. Occasionally, members of this fleeting electorate were caught. For example, one hapless Teodoro Gaitlan arrived in town only to be taken aside by a local candidate:
I was induced to vote on the day of election by Juan Trevino while I was drunk. He give me a dollar to vote.[1]
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No politico ever gave me a dollar, the bastards.  Anyhow, the election heated up into an excellent brawl involving firearms, heavy ordnance, ill tempers and rivers of alcohol.
As one might well imagine, this sort of regulatory environment fostered would-be political masterminds. Fed up with the incumbent always winning, a political family, the Benavides clan, decided to have weekly "voter's meetings" where they got everyone drunk and talked big talk. This group grew to be hundreds strong and was very popular, for what might be termed obvious reasons (Jerry D. Thompson in Warm Weather and Bad Whiskey remarks that "Benavides's weekly beer bill was certain to have thrown anyone less financially secure into bankruptcy."). This group called itself los Guaraches, meaning "the sandals", and they met, drank, and got agitated. The younger upstarts would brandish clenched fists and walk the streets of Laredo at night, determined to make a little, but not too much, mischief, lest their political aspirations not be taken seriously.
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But wait, it gets better (or worser depending upon your point of view).
Among this rabble, city marshal Stephen Boyard managed to dismiss some of the nastier policemen who were friends with mayor Martin. He did this out of a sense of duty, coupled with self-righteousness after mayor Martin had him arrested for adultery, and again for "misconduct, corruption, and malfeasance." The Guaraches accused the Botas of trying to take over the police force in its entirety. The Botas told the Guaraches to sod off. Ominously, the election of 1886 approached.
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One last tidbit, then you'll have to open the link  :
No matter. Partisanship's days were numbered: by 1894, a draught so decimated Webb county (the "stench from dead animals [was] almost unendurable," said one witness[7]) that the two groups buried the hatchet, formed an alliance, and fought the real enemy: the burgeoning temperance movement.
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Alas, they don't elect 'em like they used to.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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Bloodiest Midterm Election
