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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
 Posted - 03/07/2012 : 09:31:18
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Skeptics need horoscopes exactly as much as does anyone else. Just think about that.
Thousands of Web sites and regular newspapers have horoscopes. (Even The Onion has horoscopes.) Yet very few critical thinking sites provide this service.
Until now! (Warning: You may not want to tell your fellow skeptics that you have consulted this resource. They likely would go all skeptical on you.)
 (March 21 - April 20)
You are naturally assertive, impulsive and aggressive, but this month, like every month since the collision, you are in a vegetative state and can't bring those qualities to the fore.
 (April 21 - May 20)
You are stable, conservative, resistant to change, and enjoy being with people. Which is all fine, since you are a therapy dog in an Alzheimer's care facility.
 (May 21 - June 21)
You are a versatile, adaptable and curious person. But those traits will provide only brief and limited utility after George "Fatty" Guano throws you overboard with your feet in a bucket of concrete.
 (June 22 - July 22)
It's time to put your natural leadership to use. Organize all the rats, mice and roaches in your tenement as an army of minions to do your bidding.
 (July 23 - August 22)
Unleash your true leonine attributes this month! Kill and eat a hippopotamus.
 (August 23 - September 22)
Your talents revolve around your mental flexibility, your scholarship, and your talent for understanding past events. So this month consider beginning to write a book of revisionist history.
 (September 23 - October 22)
You are a smart, extroverted, and artistically expressive person, with "courtly" attributes. Under the constraints presently imposed upon you by your state's criminal insanity laws, you may wish to create an original interpretation of the Bayeux Tapestry on your cell wall using your feces.
 (October 23 - November 21)
You are secretive, determined, proud and tenacious. You are already too dangerous for it to be wise to give you further advice.
 (November 22 - December 21)
You have a broad, tolerant vision of the world and other people, but you have little toleration for details. So, before you kill someone, you really should quit that job on the tech support line at Microsoft's call center.
 December 22 - January 19)
You are a kind of monstrous, chimerical fish-goat creature. Your horns represent Nineveh and Babylon. Nothing good can come from any of this, this month or ever.
 (January 20 - February 18)
Your amazing ability to carry water will aid you in a drinking contest this month, earning you extra points for not needing to visit the restroom.
 (February 19 - March 20)
Like fellow Pisces Mitt Romney, you are finding it hard to win enough GOP presidential primaries to be the clear winner prior to the upcoming Republican convention. But unlike you, Romney will eventually get the nomination, because he wears magical underwear.
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
Edited by - HalfMooner on 03/07/2012 13:48:14
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Kil
Evil Skeptic
USA
13477 Posts |
Posted - 03/07/2012 : 15:15:51 [Permalink]
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| Ha! |
Uncertainty may make you uncomfortable. Certainty makes you ridiculous.
Why not question something for a change?
Genetic Literacy Project |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 03/07/2012 : 22:23:03 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by Kil
Ha!
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Thanks, Kil, I needed that. Internet humor is a shot in a dark, cavernous auditorium, where you can't even see the audience. Sometimes I don't even hear the echo of my shot. Any feedback helps, even "Hey, you shot me, you bastard!"
(Okay, maybe the shot in the dark metaphor wasn't the best.) |
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
| Edited by - HalfMooner on 03/07/2012 22:28:40 |
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Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9688 Posts |
Posted - 03/08/2012 : 11:56:10 [Permalink]
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Being Aries myself, I can certainly relate to being naturally assertive, impulsive and aggressive. At least passive-aggressice. And more and more, when viewing American politics, my hopelessness plunges me deeper and deeper into the vegetative state of cynicism and not having the energy of actively caring about making a change.
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Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3
"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse
Support American Troops in Iraq:
Send them unarmed civilians for target practice..
Collateralmurder. |
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alienist
Skeptic Friend
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 03/08/2012 : 15:13:08 [Permalink]
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| Damn. I wanted to be Taurus. I guess I have to move my birthday |
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well! - Joe Ancis |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 03/08/2012 : 23:11:45 [Permalink]
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| People, please use this horoscope cautiously. There are a very few somewhat problematical and maybe even outright wonky entries there. I'm just getting the hang of skeptical star sign astrology, you see. |
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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moakley
SFN Regular
USA
1888 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2012 : 09:17:45 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by HalfMooner
People, please use this horoscope cautiously. There are a very few somewhat problematical and maybe even outright wonky entries there. I'm just getting the hang of skeptical star sign astrology, you see.
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That's good. It's been 30 years since I have properly trained for a drinking contest.
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Life is good
Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned. -Anonymous |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2012 : 09:49:35 [Permalink]
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| A question for all of you: Should I continue the Skeptical horoscope next month? |
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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Valiant Dancer
Forum Goalie
USA
4826 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2012 : 09:52:51 [Permalink]
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Sure.
According to the horoscope, this Virgo needs to get busy on the book of revisionist history.
I think I'll start with the Punic Wars starting over someone inventing the pun in Carthage. |
Cthulhu/Asmodeus when you're tired of voting for the lesser of two evils
Brother Cutlass of Reasoned Discussion |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2012 : 10:32:16 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by Valiant Dancer
Sure.
According to the horoscope, this Virgo needs to get busy on the book of revisionist history.
I think I'll start with the Punic Wars starting over someone inventing the pun in Carthage.
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Damn you just stole that one for me. I had it all written for the next issue. 
Actually, that idea vaguely reminds me of my TVQR thingie, which actually came from an unusually detailed dream, aside from a few elaborations during waking hours.
Okay, thanks. I'll try again in April. What's scary is that that sort of thing depends on inspiration much more than planning. I'd done hours of work on just setting up and uploading the zodiac signs before I even started writing. Wasn't certain anything would come to mind. Kinda scary. But luckily, that time winging it worked. |
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9688 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2012 : 11:31:42 [Permalink]
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At least my sign is first out, thus ensuring that you haven't run fresh out of ideas, if your inspiration decides to take some time off.
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Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3
"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse
Support American Troops in Iraq:
Send them unarmed civilians for target practice..
Collateralmurder. |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2012 : 11:50:22 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by Dr. Mabuse
At least my sign is first out, thus ensuring that you haven't run fresh out of ideas, if your inspiration decides to take some time off.
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I'll be sure to make your horoscope "special," Mab. |
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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Your Skeptical Horoscope for March 2012
