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Kil
Evil Skeptic
USA
13477 Posts |
 Posted - 03/26/2003 : 19:51:00
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Axis of Evil by John Cleese
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya,
China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just
as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid
Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the
Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil . . . in
their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody
knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . . we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They
told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have
more than three countries", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussien.
"This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy,
and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret
handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, and
within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in
what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia
announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to
join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while
Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as
Just Generally Disagreeable".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling
up, Siearra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of
Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the
Olympics".
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are
Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty thoughts About America", while
Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That
Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making
fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he
rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Counties Whose Names End in 'Guay",
accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials
from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
- John Cleese
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Uncertainty may make you uncomfortable. Certainty makes you ridiculous.
Why not question something for a change?
Genetic Literacy Project |
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Avenel
Skeptic Friend
USA
60 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2003 : 08:46:30 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Kil
Axis of Evil by John Cleese
Actually, this peice was written by Andrew Marlatt of SatireWire. |
"How many angels can swim on the head of a beer?" - Roger Ramjet |
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Kil
Evil Skeptic
USA
13477 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2003 : 20:39:31 [Permalink]
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So it was. I got it as an email.... Thanks for the correction.
quote:
Author's note: Strangely enow, this SatireWire story lately has been zipping around the 'Net attributed to John Cleese. That's flattering and funny and all, but now I'm getting so many emails asking who "really" wrote it that it will make my life easier to nip it here. I apologize for any disappoinment, but the story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002, and was subsequently published in several major newspapers, including this version still available at The Washington Post. So that's the deal. All the best -- Andrew.
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Uncertainty may make you uncomfortable. Certainty makes you ridiculous.
Why not question something for a change?
Genetic Literacy Project |
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