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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 01/05/2008 : 06:18:09
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We are all familiar with the art of Phrenology, where in the expert phrenologist learns all about a person, including glimpses of the individual's future, by feeling the geometery and various lumps on the client's head. It's all very scientific & stuff.
Well, science ever advances and now we have Rumpology coming to the fore, collecting the vital information & making the prognostications. Rumpology, also known as butt reading, is the art of reading the lines, crevices, dimples, and folds of the buttocks to divine the butt owner's character and get a glimpse of what lies ahead by analyzing what trails behind.
According to Jacqueline Stallone, a foremost American rumpologist, rump reading is an art that was practiced in ancient Babylon, India, Greece, and Rome. She claims that the ancient Greeks thought the butt was the key to health and fidelity. She says the Romans used butt prints the way some people use graphology today: to determine potential talents and future success.
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Ulf Buck (left) is a Rump Reader from Meldorf, Germany. He's also blind, yet he claims he can read people's futures by feeling their naked buttocks. (Ivan Kelly calls him an asstrologer.) Buck says he spent many years training his fingers to do the reading, a practice he started on a small circle of friends but which has grown to include many prominent people, including a stockbroker who apparently invests depending on his butt bumps. Buck says that rumps "have lines like those on the palm of the hand, which can be read to reveal much about character and destiny. An apple-shaped, muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative. A person who enjoys life. A pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient and down-to-earth." Ulf has no comment on those whose rumps are on their shoulders. (Tattersall 2003) |
Hmmm. Being a Rumpologist sounds very interesting, but only if one is selective in one's clients. All butts are not created equal, and some few are a lot more equal than others.
Damn! Where do I sign up for the course? 
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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Edited by - filthy on 01/05/2008 06:55:37
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Cuneiformist
The Imperfectionist
USA
4955 Posts |
 Posted - 01/05/2008 : 07:04:02 [Permalink]
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| Definitely not practiced in ancient Babylon. |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2008 : 08:52:07 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by Cuneiformist
Definitely not practiced in ancient Babylon.
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Well if not, it should have been. I'm sure that there were lots of really great Babylonian butts in the days of Nebuchadrezzar. And those Hanging Gardens could provide lots of private & very pleasant examination rooms.
How come you've always gotta ruin the most promising, and potentially popular, homeopathic theorys with stodgy, old scientific facts? 
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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| Edited by - filthy on 01/05/2008 08:55:05 |
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Cuneiformist
The Imperfectionist
USA
4955 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2008 : 10:05:11 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by filthy
How come you've always gotta ruin the most promising, and potentially popular, homeopathic theorys with stodgy, old scientific facts? |
Hey-- I'm not sayin' that it won't work (well...). I'm just sayin' that it wasn't done in Babylonia! |
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H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard
USA
4574 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2008 : 10:32:55 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by Cuneiformist
Hey-- I'm not sayin' that it won't work (well...). I'm just sayin' that it wasn't done in Babylonia!
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How can you be so sure? Were you there? The only way to really know is by channeling a spirit with access to the Akashic record.
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"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman
"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie |
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bngbuck
SFN Addict
USA
2437 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2008 : 02:32:24 [Permalink]
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Old Ulf! My long lost first cousin in Germany. Hadn't heard from him in years! God I'm glad to learn that he is handling things well over in the old country! Used to have his head up his ass, now he's got his hands on your ass! Cheeky bastard!
Ulf got good at looking up asses, became a proctologist, but went blind performing colonoscopies without a endoscope! Looked too long in a place where the sun don't shine! Gave it up, tho. In hindsight, he was always bringing up the rear! You Can understand!
My uncle, Rumpelstiltskin Buck, was a rumpled old dwarf who had gotten a bum rap and hit bottom before he taught rumpology to Ulf . They worked their butts off, but it almost wrecked 'em!
I remenber playing grabass with Ulf when we were children. He was really good at it. I always turned tail and ran! Sometimes we tripped and went bottoms up! Tuchis a long time to get up! |
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pleco
SFN Addict
USA
2998 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2008 : 07:36:21 [Permalink]
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| Um, what underwear is that guy wearin'? And the significance of the menorah cannot be understated. |
by Filthy
The neo-con methane machine will soon be running at full fart. |
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bngbuck
SFN Addict
USA
2437 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2008 : 10:09:06 [Permalink]
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Yeah, the significance of the menorah and the question mark hanging over old Ulf's head!
That underwear, as you so crudely put it, is the Buck Stringy Bikini, that we Buck assgrabbers put on all our vict...clients, the better to pooch their rosy little cheeks for our tactile delectation!
You wouldn't know about these things, pleco, but if you want to come over to my hous....clinic, I'll be delighted to demonstrate the technique! What size is your butt? I'll have a codpiece ready! |
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Kil
Evil Skeptic
USA
13477 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2008 : 11:42:11 [Permalink]
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Bill:
You wouldn't know about these things, pleco, but if you want to come over to my hous....clinic, I'll be delighted to demonstrate the technique! What size is your butt? I'll have a codpiece ready! |
Sadly, and what bngbuck fails to mention, is that Rumpology mostly deals in hindsight. Grasping the obvious is not particularly illuminating and in fact not at all what it is cracked up to be.
Far from the useful reading a Rumpologist promises, what is usually delivered is the general kind of one size fits all colder-than-a-well-diggers-ass reading with a little backdoor banter thrown in to keep you off balance. |
Uncertainty may make you uncomfortable. Certainty makes you ridiculous.
Why not question something for a change?
Genetic Literacy Project |
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Cuneiformist
The Imperfectionist
USA
4955 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2008 : 12:24:29 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by Kil
Bill:
You wouldn't know about these things, pleco, but if you want to come over to my hous....clinic, I'll be delighted to demonstrate the technique! What size is your butt? I'll have a codpiece ready! |
Sadly, and what bngbuck fails to mention, is that Rumpology mostly deals in hindsight. Grasping the obvious is not particularly illuminating and in fact not at all what it is cracked up to be.
Far from the useful reading a Rumpologist promises, what is usually delivered is the general kind of one size fits all colder-than-a-well-diggers-ass reading with a little backdoor banter thrown in to keep you off balance.
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You didn't just post that?!? Did you??
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H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard
USA
4574 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2008 : 12:37:13 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by Cuneiformist
You didn't just post that?!? Did you??
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Kil just likes to be cheeky.
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"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman
"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie |
| Edited by - H. Humbert on 01/06/2008 12:37:25 |
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Cuneiformist
The Imperfectionist
USA
4955 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2008 : 12:59:20 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by H. Humbert
Originally posted by Cuneiformist
You didn't just post that?!? Did you??
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Kil just likes to be cheeky. |
I just hope he didn't rear boron10 to be the same way. |
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Stop laughing, dammit! This is serious shit!
