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Dr Shari
Skeptic Friend
135 Posts |
 Posted - 11/30/2002 : 03:04:51
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It has been about a year since I posted that I was dying and I am here to report nothing has changed. I still have incurable Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia and my condition has continued to deteriorate. My blood count is now critical and my pain increases though I continue to practice medicine almost full time and refuse to dwell on the inevitable. Pain drugs are great when you need them and those patients of mine who have refused them because they would rather not become "addicted" to pain meds are crazy and missing the point.
Death as my quote says is "The High Cost of Living."
I will be 50 in January and to you younger Skeptics it may seem as if I have had a good long life and to you older members you know age has nothing to do with your readiness to face death. I have 3 young grandchildren who will not remember me if I were to die soon and all children deserve a loving grandparent. My daughter is marrying next year and I would like to see those grandchildren too.
There are so many things I still wish to see and experiance but if I died tomarrow I would not feel that I had not lead a full life. I have no fear of death. I have no fear of Hell or of not existing anymore. My family will be hurt more then I as they will be left behind to live without me. It scares my patients to know that if I can not heal myself that I cannot heal them so they also must face death.
I am happy, loved by family and freinds, and could go tomorrow knowing I had lived a good life. If I should find I was wrong and meet a God who tells me I should belong in Hell for never having believed in him then I will go telling this god that he failed me by not making him or her self clear and not coming forward with proof though I don't believe that will happen.
I am hoping for another year to eighteen months but we will see. Who knows I may just live forever though that is almost as disturbing a thought as dying tomarrow! In the meantime all of you live your lives to the fullest and with love in your hearts for someone. If I have learned anything it is that it is love that defines us and I am a lucky person who will live on in the love I have passed on to others and the love they have given me.
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Death: The High Cost of Living
It is easier to get forgiveness then to get permission! |
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Gorgo
SFN Die Hard
USA
5310 Posts |
Posted - 11/30/2002 : 05:19:57 [Permalink]
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I won't be fifty until October, so I think you're ancient!
I'm also grateful for your sharing.
Thanks. |
I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears
But it's alright-
Jerry Garcia
Robert Hunter
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Computer Org
Skeptic Friend
392 Posts |
Posted - 11/30/2002 : 09:53:56 [Permalink]
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Dr. Shari writes:quote:
"...I have no fear of Hell or of not existing anymore...."
Much of the world believes (--with appologies to both Slater and Duck Duck Goose--) that there is no such thing as "not existing anymore".
It is a nice belief--that of reincarnation or multiple lifespans. Henry David Th. once wrote an entire treatise about it.
Whilst many on this board would be skeptical about the concept, I arrived at my belief by skepticsm in the opposite direction: "I think", someone once wrote, "therefore I am." Raised as a Catholic with 8 years of daily Religion classes, I was tought that we, upon death, would go to either heaven or hell. I became increasingly skeptical about this notion (--"There is no greater skeptic than an 8-year-old."--).
Is the mind and spirit to live only once? Are we doomed (or saved) for an eternity because of the actions or beliefs of a miniscule period of time? This has to be nonsense, balderdash! Yet if we exist due to our thoughts, surely the thinking/feeling part of us is more important than the body. Would--could?--the universe be structured in a way that lets the most important part of us vanish?
I, for one, was too skeptical for this belief--one life then poof!, nothing--and was, thus, equally skeptical about the other belief--one life then heaven or hell forever. The last 50+ years of consideration has only solidified my personal skepticism about this "one shot at life" notion.
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Dr. Shari, I second Gorgo's comment. I went through my Mother's travail with lung cancer 17 years ago and appreciate your sharing with us. |
Do thou amend thy face, and I'll amend my life. --Falstaff |
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Mr. Spock
Skeptic Friend
USA
99 Posts |
Posted - 11/30/2002 : 16:57:28 [Permalink]
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As an atheist freind of mine once told me, I'll live one life at a time, thank you, and make the best out of the one I now have, since, quite probably, it will be my only life to live. I, for one, have adopted a more positive point of view and strive to make more out of every moment since I abandoned the idea of a big reward or punishment once I pass on.
The truth is that no one knows what will happen after death, but I think that it is human arrogance (or folly, to use a less charged term) to expect that the universe should be constructed in such away as to ensure our continued existence after death--similar to the belief that the earth was the center of the universe. Again, owning up to the fact that our own particular existence doesn't matter a whole lot in the grand scheme of things can be seen lead to both pessimistic and optimistic conclusions; I, for one, choose to be as optomistic as I can, within reason. Yes, the piece of the universe that I constitute may not be much, but I have the ability to make as much of it as I can, even when rotton things happen to me. |
"The amount of noise which anyone can bear stands in inverse proportion to his mental capacity." --Schopenhauer |
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the_ignored
SFN Addict
2562 Posts |
Posted - 11/30/2002 : 20:16:53 [Permalink]
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Well, you seem to be bearing up well, and are certainly doing your part to live your life (and your work) to the fullest. I dare say that you're making a mark on your patients and on us here as well. When it finally comes, you'll be fondly remembered, but in the meantime I hope you'll be able to have more time than you think, to stick around.
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>From: enuffenuff@fastmail.fm
(excerpt follows):
> I'm looking to teach these two bastards a lesson they'll never forget.
> Personal visit by mates of mine. No violence, just a wee little chat.
>
> **** has also committed more crimes than you can count with his
> incitement of hatred against a religion. That law came in about 2007
> much to ****'s ignorance. That is fact and his writing will become well
> know as well as him becoming a publicly known icon of hatred.
>
> Good luck with that fuckwit. And Reynold, fucking run, and don't stop.
> Disappear would be best as it was you who dared to attack me on my
> illness knowing nothing of the cause. You disgust me and you are top of
> the list boy. Again, no violence. Just regular reminders of who's there
> and visits to see you are behaving. Nothing scary in reality. But I'd
> still disappear if I was you.
What brought that on? this. Original posting here.
Another example of this guy's lunacy here. |
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Slater
SFN Regular
USA
1668 Posts |
Posted - 11/30/2002 : 22:31:13 [Permalink]
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'" Fifty, ha, it's the old age of youth....and the youth of old age."
--William Powell, Mr. Peabody and the Mermaid |
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I learned something ... I learned that Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like strangers going up to their door and annoying them.
-Bruce Clark
There's No Toilet Paper...on the Road Less Traveled |
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Legallee Insane
Skeptic Friend
Canada
126 Posts |
Posted - 11/30/2002 : 23:13:40 [Permalink]
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| Being young I tend to forget about what little time I have to accomplish something here. I think about how much more time I still have, when in truth, it could all end tomorrow. I could be struck down by fate, crossing at an intersection. I could die in any number of ways, but the thing that scares me most is that I could die having never experienced so many things, without being at peace with my still unfound beliefs, without accomplishing something. |
--"Only the fool says in his heart: There is no god -- The wise says it to the world"
--"I darn you to HECK!" - Catbert
--"Don't worry, we're not laughing at you, we're laughing near you." |
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Slater
SFN Regular
USA
1668 Posts |
Posted - 11/30/2002 : 23:17:17 [Permalink]
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| Then get your tail in gear |
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I learned something ... I learned that Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like strangers going up to their door and annoying them.
-Bruce Clark
There's No Toilet Paper...on the Road Less Traveled |
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Tim
SFN Regular
USA
775 Posts |
Posted - 12/01/2002 : 01:17:26 [Permalink]
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Thanks, Doc, for sharing your feelings. Honestly though, it is extremely difficult to know how to respond to such a confession. Most of us have had intimate experiences with death, whether it was our own lives in jeopardy, or the life of someone very close to us. Even after the personal experience of recently losing several close family members, witnessing the accidental death of a fellow worker, and battling cancer with my wife and my father, this subject does not get any easier. There is nothing to make the situation any better. Well wishes, sympathy, condolences, and empathy all seem hollow.
All I know is that you are right. In the end, all we really have of any meaning is the love of our families and friends. I hope that I never lose that, and I am happy that you have it, too.
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"We got an issue in America. Too many good docs are gettin' out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their -- their love with women all across this country." Dubya in Poplar Bluff, Missouri, 9/6/2004
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De_Bunk
New Member
USA
15 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 12:31:21 [Permalink]
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Dr Shari...
You should take these remaining days and capture your thoughts and ideas on video , photos, tape recordings, letters...Who you are...what knowledge you wish to impart on the grandchildren...Your understanding of life and death...
This way your children will remember you better and your grandchildren will get an idea of who you were and what you stood for...
You can make this mini-epic biography as detailed and as humorous as you like...make sure you include your workplace...your friends who will survive you, so that your grandchildren may see them laughing and joking with you...Include pictures of your car..your cat...dog..etc..
There is so much you could put onto a video tape...so many ideas..and they will be watched..i know..i watch the ones i made of my father..and so do my children...they ask me questions about him..
To me....Death = back to the cosmos...back to the cycle of life...a return to where you came from...
As i was registering my fathers death...there was someone behind me registering a birth...In my grief, i saw the parents happiness, nothing else mattered to them...and in that instance i saw the continuation of it all...
As long as you remain in sound and picture and viewed in glorious color on a 32in widescreen with "Dolby Multi Channel Surround Sound"...you wont be forgotten...
I got my Father to read out a dozen childrens stories on video...and my children used to watch them over and over again before going to bed....He talked about life...my children see me laughing and joking with him..talking about everything and nothing...all in sound and moving images...
We are lucky to live in such an age where this is possible...
Well...thats what i would do...thats what my father done...
In death, you are ensuring continuation of the purpose of living...
Spend your final days ensuring you will be remembered for who you were...
You're a Doctor...You made the care of humanity a priority in your life....thats worthy of remembrance
De_Bunk |
De_Bunk..."Scourge of the Believer....(Ex-JREF Kid) |
| Edited by - De_Bunk on 12/03/2002 12:47:40 |
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LordofEntropy
Skeptic Friend
USA
85 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 16:12:10 [Permalink]
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De_bunk, great idea and post. I know that it isn't the first time I've heard of making a video record for those who might not get to meet you, or are to young to remember doing so. But I never really thought about the impact such a record could have on children and grandchildren. Thanks for sharing.
Dr. Shari, have you considered this? It would seemingly be a good way to be a loving grandparent even after you passed. With such a good record, you could even be a loving great - great - great - grandparent even. Of course, I am sure you will be known as a loving grandparent in the memories and stories of the relatives who were lucky to have known you. But something to pass on like De_bunk talks about, would be an absolute treasure to those who weren't lucky to have known you, even generations later. |
Entropy just isn't what it used to be.
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