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Valiant Dancer
Forum Goalie
USA
4826 Posts |
 Posted - 04/25/2003 : 06:39:10
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PRINCETON, NJ-According to the latest Gallup Poll, conducted Monday and Tuesday of this week, nearly three out of four Americans can no longer believe this shit.
In addition to the 73 percent of poll respondents who described this shit as "beyond belief," 9 percent said they could "hardly" believe this shit, with another 5 percent "just barely" believing it. An additional 13 percent said they "couldn't give a flying fuck about the whole goddamn thing."
The poll also found that the National Shit-Credulity Index (NSCI) has hit an all-time low, with only 2 percent of Americans describing themselves as "fully confident of [their] capacity to believe this shit."
"The American people have had to deal with this kind of shit for years," Gallup Organization president Lee Sanderson said, "but now, for the first time, it appears that the vast majority of them just can't fucking believe it anymore."
"In all honesty, who can blame them?" Sanderson added. "Regardless of one's political affiliation, socioeconomic status, religion or just about any other viewpoint, you've got to admit, the shit that's been going on lately is way out of hand."
In the wake of the poll, many activists are calling upon America's leaders to get their shit in gear.
"The American people have had it up to here with this shitheap," said James Schuerholz, president of the D.C.-based Heritage Foundation. "There is a public mandate for our leaders to cut this shit out, and it's high time they finally did."
Despite Americans' incredulity over this shit, historians note that this sort of shit has been going on for years and is unlikely to end anytime soon.
"Contrary to popular belief, this type of shit is hardly anything new," Harvard University American history professor Lawrence Coombs said. "The same shit was going down 50, 100 and 150 years ago. The only difference was, back then, you never read about that shit in the newspapers."
Calling the American people's enormous shit-belief capacity "one of the cornerstones of our democracy," U.S. Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) stressed that it is the patriotic duty of all citizens to grant our leaders the benefit of the doubt with regard to their shit.
"If the American people are no longer willing to believe this shit, who will?" Kerry said. "Somebody's got to take this shit at face value. Otherwise, why are we even doing all this shit in the first place? I am truly saddened by the lack of faith that the citizens of this country are willing to put in my shit, as well as that of my esteemed colleagues. We must repair our society's fraying trust in the shit of our elected officials, or you would not believe the kind of hardcore, heavy-duty shit that will come down."
"America," conservative author and social critic Patricia Stouffer said, "is seriously losing its shit. But we've got to somehow hold our shit in place until all this passes. We've got to learn to believe in shit again. After this latest shitstorm, it may take years to accomplish, but we must somehow find the strength to put our trust back into the nation's shit."
Despite such impassioned calls for faith in the U.S. political system and all the shit that comes with it, if the Gallup Poll is any indication, the majority of Americans are no longer willing to put up with the shit.
"Fuck that shit," said Evansville, IN, day-care provider Helen Reiderer. "I'm tired of hearing about it. Do they actually expect us to still believe that load of shit?"
"If you ask me, the shit is about to hit the fan," said Reiderer's husband Frank. "As far as I'm concerned, all that shit is just too much to be believed."
Another disgruntled citizen, Wenatchee, WA, tractor salesman Tom Huard, summed up the sentiments of most Americans when, holding up the front page of the local newspaper to friend Benjamin Pritchard, he said, "Jesus, Ben, can you believe this?"
"Shit, no," Pritchard replied.
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Cthulhu/Asmodeus when you're tired of voting for the lesser of two evils
Brother Cutlass of Reasoned Discussion |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 04/25/2003 : 07:16:08 [Permalink]
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Well, I certainly don't believe that shit! Never did believe that shit, never will. Who comes up with all that shit, anyway?
Now, I got to go see my dealer. I hear he's got some good shit.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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gezzam
SFN Regular
Australia
751 Posts |
Posted - 04/25/2003 : 08:15:08 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by filthy
Well, I certainly don't believe that shit! Never did believe that shit, never will. Who comes up with all that shit, anyway?
Now, I got to go see my dealer. I hear he's got some good shit.
Got his phone number by any chance? Mine just got busted!!!  |
Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.
Al Franken |
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BorderCoyote
New Member
Canada
8 Posts |
Posted - 04/25/2003 : 10:07:14 [Permalink]
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| The implications of this loss of faith give me the shits! |
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walt fristoe
SFN Regular
USA
505 Posts |
Posted - 04/25/2003 : 10:37:53 [Permalink]
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| This reminds me of that Southpark episode where the word "shit" was spoken something like 137 times in half an hour! I, for one, don't believe anybodies shit anymore, and I don't think America ought to put up with this shit! |
"If God chose George Bus of all the people in the world, how good could God be?"
Bill Maher |
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Gorgo
SFN Die Hard
USA
5310 Posts |
Posted - 04/25/2003 : 11:46:24 [Permalink]
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| I'm likin' this shit. |
I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears
But it's alright-
Jerry Garcia
Robert Hunter
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Tim
SFN Regular
USA
775 Posts |
Posted - 04/27/2003 : 00:33:42 [Permalink]
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| No shit? |
"We got an issue in America. Too many good docs are gettin' out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their -- their love with women all across this country." Dubya in Poplar Bluff, Missouri, 9/6/2004
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