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Vegeta
Skeptic Friend
United Kingdom
238 Posts |
 Posted - 11/24/2003 : 18:36:28 [Permalink]
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I like that site. I also found a few definitions on the net that seem to encompass the majority of people.
The Confused Newbie
The Confused Newbie displays the actions and coherency of somebody who just finished drinking a 12-pack of Shlitz and stumbled into an unmarked room full of nude Satanists. All posts as the Confused Newbie should be somewhat offtopic and adhere to no particular topic or mindset. The only real rule in being the Confused Newbie is that there is no rules. Post whatever comes to your mind whenever it comes to your mind, and then proceed to act shocked if somebody flames you for starting 40 topics an hour and going on and on about God knows what.
EXAMPLES. The Confused Newbie will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum:
"Hey guys, what other games do you guys play? I play Quake 3 because I love the net code on my 33.3 modem on my mom's computer! Is Counterstrike a game like Quake 3? Will I like it? thanks a lot guys!!!!! "
Star Trek forum: "My friend Maria told me to post here. Maria, are you here? Maria? Hello? Plz reply if you're here! DOES ANYBODY KNOW MARIA HERE? how do i chat on this?"
Honda Civic forum: "What music do u guys listen to? I like Marylyn Manson! I hope u dont like the backstyreet Boys LLOLOLOLOLOLOL "
The Flamethrower Clone
A great choice if you don't have anything of substance to contribute, you really want people's attention, or you simply can't write 10 words without referencing homosexuality / bodily functions. Your posts should vaguely address the subject at hand (copy and paste a random word from the original topic into your post), but it must be cleverly hidden behind a slew of pointless profanities and other remarks which will make you appear to be a rabid 12-year old with Attention Deficit Disorder. Try to flame anybody and everybody; if somebody ever agrees with you, hold off flaming them at least until they post their next message. It's only common courtesy!
EXAMPLES. The Flamethrower Clone will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "You fucking faggots don't know shit about Counterstrike you puke lapping shitheads. If you did, you retarded idiots would realize the game fucking sucks gay balls you faggot ass queer homosexuals. Go ask mom to buy you a new game, fag shitheads."
Star Trek forum: "Fuck Star Trek, you cocksuckers. All you science fiction geeks are too busy masturbating to 7 of 9 to hold an intelligent conversation, you moronic queer gay fuckers. Go hump a ball for Odo, you stupid queer fags."
Honda Civic forum: "HONDA CIVICS ARE FUCKING GAY CARS FOR QUEERS"
The Computer Expert
Want the world to know how computer savvy and technologically literate you are? Write as the Computer Expert and you'll be cramming information down the throats of the ignorant public! Nothing quite reveals that you have a large penis like the speed of your CPU and how much RAM you have, so be sure to construct an elaborate sig file which lists every single component in your computer case, ranging from what brand / model floppy drive and CPU fan you're using. After all, there's nothing more exciting than reading about somebody else's computer!
EXAMPLES. The Computer Expert will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "v1.0 runs like shit on my Athlon 800 oced to 1523 with 1028 megs of Mushkin SSDR-DDR-QRAM on an Abit VHS-1100 mobo dual booting Linux Blackhead and a beta of Whistler. I used the v23.182736 alpha drivers for my nVidia GeForce 2 Ultra Maximum Pro and even disabled DNVCD caching and boosted the latency rating to 4.19, but it still didn't work. The game is obviously defective."
Star Trek forum: "Simply put, a replicator cannot work with a cross grid array alignment issue as they suggest. When I built my Athlon 800 oced to 1523 with 1028 megs of Mushkin SSDR-DDR-QRAM on an Abit VHS-1100 mobo dual booting Linux Blackhead and a beta of Whistler, I tried that and the performance on WinBenchMarkProLiteUltraStandardProII dropped 38%. It's technically impossible."
Honda Civic forums: "The mere thought of needing a car, since I never leave my house, is ludicrous. Athlon 800 oced to 1523 with 1028 megs of Mushkin SSDR-DDR-QRAM on an Abit VHS-1100 mobo dual booting Linux Blackhead and a beta of Whistler."
The MENSA Troll
The MENSA Troll shares many characteristics of The Flamethrower Clone, but this style of poster refrains from writing as many blatant homosexual overtones. The general gist of all the MENSA Trolls' posts should hint at the idea that the MENSA Troll is the smartest creature in the world, and every time he posts a message, it is for the sole purpose of manipulating others on the forum. It doesn't matter what reaction he gets from anything he writes because the MENSA Troll can justify anything he wants. If, for some reason he is not able to justify it, he should ignore it completely and avoid the subject. Under NO circumstances should the MENSA Troll respond to anybody's criticisms of him; he should instead continue to criticize everybody else and avoid engaging in a two-way conversation.
EXAMPLES. The MENSA Troll will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "It's interesting to see so many of you silly little monkeys jump around and react to my post which created the associative link between Counter-Strike players and certain members of the canine family. Your predictable reactions are exactly what I expected from such a lowbrow, intellectually dead race of Neanderthals who barely possess the ability to use primitive tools. I'm sure it will take you months before your ape-like brains are able to realize that the sniper rifles in v1.0 are shit. Go back to downloading those mp3s you heard on the radio and watching ABC, you pop-culture addicted maggots."
Star Trek forums: "It is apparent that many of you lack the ability to comprehend a single one of my posts. If you did, you would understand that you are all pawns on a chessboard I bought and own. You are all merely dancing chimps here to amuse me, and I have the ability to pull your strings and control your every move. If your reactions weren't so banal and tedious, I might be impressed."
Honda Civic forum: "You mindless drones will purchase whatever product is placed before your ignorant, easily influenced heads. You are so willing to be manipulated by other people, it is no wonder I am able to bend and shape you into any way I please. Besides, it's common knowledge that the CRX is by far a better deal."
Mr. Aggressive
Mr. Aggressive is the perfect personality for anybody who is attempting to get over beatings they suffered from school bullies during 5th grade. By acting like an all-out asshole and threatening physical violence on people you'll clearly never meet, you can benefit from a wonderful stress reducer! Plus people will think you're a tough guy, and they won't be aware you're actually an anemic 14-year old who has to be home schooled because you have a phobia of sunlight and trees. When posting, it helps to remind yourself that you're hidden behind an IP adress and Hotmail account, and nobody's ever been able to track down somebody online because it's nearly impossible thanks to tools like Norton Crashguard and Microsoft Notepad.
EXAMPLES. Mr. Aggressive will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "Oh yeah?!? How about I come over there and shove that Desert Eagle up your ass, you sissy little shit?!?"
Star Trek forum: "Oh yeah?!? How about I come over there and shove that phaser up your ass, you sissy little shit?!?"
Honda Civic forum: "Oh yeah?!? How about I come over there and shove that Honda Civic forum up your ass, you sissy little shit?!?"
Cute Gu |
What are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen a pink shirt before?
"I was asked if I would do a similar sketch but focusing on the shortcomings of Islam rather than Christianity. I said, 'No, no I wouldn't. I may be an atheist but I'm not stupid.'" - Steward Lee |
| Edited by - Vegeta on 11/24/2003 18:43:20 |
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