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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 12/09/2003 : 13:33:52
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That chuckle is especally good if it comes at the expense of someone we (I, at least) dispise.
This is an email from Alan from England, sent to Lisa at, All Hat, No Cattle. Hope y'all enjoy it as much as I did.
Lisa,
Did you know that I are the British spy on America - well its true.
I are always 'leaking' to the tabloids. Its not well know that
propspective
American Presidents have to take a candidates exam, thats top secret !
However MI5 managed to get sight of the exam paper of one GW Bush
recently, heres the result:-
Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutant
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to
flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and
nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the
abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
A,E,I,O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
umbrellas.
English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. {do dishes}
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Seikh wears on his head.
!!!!
Your pal Alan from England
Hahahahahahahaha. I love British humor. Thanks Alan.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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