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Vegakitty
New Member
USA
2 Posts |
 Posted - 08/09/2001 : 20:59:02 [Permalink]
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quote:
In either case, she's outta there. All over but the divorce case. I could handle the second more than the first, she is at least happy then.
I agree with you on this point. If my Significant Other had sought comfort elsewhere instead of trying to fix a problem in our marriage, he'd be out of here quick. Marriage is hard work, and anyone who would rather take the easy way out by having a fling, no matter how innocent, isn't worth wasting time on. Marital fidelity is extremely important, but too many people I know think it went out with the 50s.
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 08/09/2001 : 23:34:37 [Permalink]
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quote:
If my Significant Other had sought comfort elsewhere instead of trying to fix a problem in our marriage, he'd be out of here quick. Marriage is hard work, and anyone who would rather take the easy way out by having a fling, no matter how innocent, isn't worth wasting time on. Marital fidelity is extremely important, but too many people I know think it went out with the 50s.
I'm not trying to be sarcastic. I really don't understand why people say things like that. Why is it that you feel that way?
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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tergiversant
Skeptic Friend
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - 08/17/2001 : 08:45:41 [Permalink]
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quote:
quote:
Why can't you vote? Wouldn't one of the two scenario be MORE upsetting to you?
Neither would have been permissible...
I still maintain that neither situation would have been permitted by me. The first one (A) would have been worse, because I would have hated to have been married to an idiot. The second one (B) would have meant that he had made a wrong marital decision. Either would have been fatal for our wonderful marriage.
I fear I've failed to communicate my point. The poll question did not reference the idea of permissibility at all. Most people assume that either situation is impermissible, or else they would have not bothered to get married in the first place.
The real question is which sitution would be more emotionally taxing. Do you think them equally so?
"Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione."
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seb
New Member
France
40 Posts |
Posted - 08/17/2001 : 09:30:03 [Permalink]
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I am also part of the both equally bad. If it is sex reasons we should have been able to talk about it, if it is emotional then why have we still a relationship?
In both case the talking/exchange part has not worked so this relationship has to end.
Seb |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 08/17/2001 : 20:46:57 [Permalink]
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quote:
A good relationship is never boring. The right people need to be involved with the right people in order to make it work. A problem with having a good relationship with another person is that the rest of the world seems just blah in comparison.
There are so many different kinds of people and ideas.
I think you live in a make believe Pollyanna world. Some of us live in a Deep Throat sub world.
AND, there are just too many interesting people in the world(s) to have only one relationship.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Penyprity
Skeptic Friend
64 Posts |
Posted - 08/18/2001 : 15:00:46 [Permalink]
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Who says you have to have only one relationship. I have lots of friends with different view points. I find they all have qualities I enjoy..even if I dont agree with them. But I dont want to have sex with them all. For me, that is a unique type of relationship. One that developes best with love and trust. I share things with my husband that I dont share with anyone else. Thoughts, feelings, emotions...and sex.
Dont get me wrong here. If you are single, and not committed to anyone, go for it. Be careful, but have fun. I just think when you have made a decision to commit to one person, thats it.
Make your vote count. Become a supreme court justice......Peny |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 08/18/2001 : 20:52:31 [Permalink]
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quote:
I just think when you have made a decision to commit to one person, thats it.
I don't understand what that means.
Why should a person swear to be with only one person for the rest of their life? And what does it have to do with sex? Even if one finds the 'perfect' person who they can talk to, 'love' and trust, should that mean their sex life should be limited to only that person?
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Penyprity
Skeptic Friend
64 Posts |
Posted - 08/18/2001 : 22:30:12 [Permalink]
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quote:
quote:
I just think when you have made a decision to commit to one person, thats it.
I don't understand what that means.
Why should a person swear to be with only one person for the rest of their life? And what does it have to do with sex? Even if one finds the 'perfect' person who they can talk to, 'love' and trust, should that mean their sex life should be limited to only that person?
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art.
Yes, thats marriage. A commitment, defind in Websters, as a pledge, bind(oneself). Its my opinion that when you marry, you commit. If you dont feel you can do that, why get married? Nothing wrong with having an open relationship where both of you are free to explore you sexuality with others. But if you are talking about being married, to me, that is a commitment. If I did not feel that I wanted to be with this one person and only this one person forever, than I would not have gotten married. We could have been really good friends, who have sex now and then. But since I have been married for almost 24 years, and we dont seem to have a problem with it, seems to me its very do-able. I know couples who are not married, but totally committed to each other. Its beautiful to see. And they have been for years. I think you understand the concept. I just think you dont wish to observe it. Thats up to you.
Make your vote count. Become a supreme court justice......Peny |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 08/19/2001 : 23:20:37 [Permalink]
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I know couples who are not married, but totally committed to each other. Its beautiful to see. And they have been for years. I think you understand the concept. I just think you dont wish to observe it.
If it were only a commitment, then why is the government involved? One could draw up a contract between each other.
There are many other reasons for getting married besides 'loving' one person you want to be with. The government makes you get married, sometimes for the 'wrong' reasons.
The couples you know who are not married, really ARE since they are commited to each other. The money for the license is forced on people.
My idea of love (although I don't know really what it is), has nothing to do with sex. The man I 'love', I would never think of 'sleeping' with him. He is an idol, on a pedestal. Other men are for pleasure. That's what I mean by being bord and having someone different.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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tergiversant
Skeptic Friend
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - 08/20/2001 : 05:46:39 [Permalink]
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Great points from Snake.
The concept of marraige in our society has been pretty heavily influenced by the Judeo-Christian (anti-)sexual ethic. Why ought we care about it? I do not see the point in taking advice on sexual conduct from a bunch of celibate freaks like Paul of Tarsus and his "intellectual" successors. These are the same folk who brought us the condemnation of sexual pleasure in favor of reproductive function, after all.
Moreover, why ought the government regulate marriage? Seems like a direct violation of any number of fundamental civil rights - privacy, discrimination based on creed, establishment of religion, etc.
"Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione."
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@tomic
Administrator
USA
4607 Posts |
Posted - 08/20/2001 : 09:16:40 [Permalink]
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The governement needs to step in so that children are provided for and things like insurance benefits etc can be extended to certain partners. Beyoond that, it's hard to see what the government should have a say in like the sexes of the partners.
@tomic
Gravity, not just a good idea...it's the law! |
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Kristin
Skeptic Friend
Canada
84 Posts |
Posted - 08/20/2001 : 09:36:48 [Permalink]
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The governement needs to step in so that children are provided for and things like insurance benefits etc can be extended to certain partners. Beyoond that, it's hard to see what the government should have a say in like the sexes of the partners.
This is rather what I was thinking, that the govt uses the actual 'act' of marriage as a convenient boundary to start legally treating that couple as married. (How long have commonlaw couples had married rights? How long do they have to be together to be considered eligible for married rights? What proof do they have to supply?) It could be very well that proving your state of commonlawry is more of a pain in the ass than getting married! ( I need a marriage HOW-TO, there are too many details dammit! )
Picture a pair of male college students who've been roomies for 4 years. Could they claim to be a commonlaw couple? Or female roomates, or male-female roomates!
As attitudes towards homosexual couples are changing, laws towards all couples will likely go in the same direction. Glad I'm not the one drafting those laws.
Good judgement comes from experience: experience comes from bad judgement. |
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Penyprity
Skeptic Friend
64 Posts |
Posted - 08/20/2001 : 18:35:38 [Permalink]
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I believe that a commonlaw marriage is 7 years, the same as having someone who is missing declared dead. I realize that govt gets involved in marriages, especially in delcaring just what constitutes a marriage. I would like the govt to stay out of this issue. Unfortunately, since so many domestic issues turn up in courts, it was probably necessary to define what a marriage is.
But my comments are not about the "legal" marriage. They are about a marriage of a more personal type. One with whom you make a lifelong commitment. Snake, we just dont feel the same about this issue. I have men friends who I love. But I wont be having sex with any of them. I have a husband who I love in a much more intimate way. I will be having sex with him. (If I can just get my kids out of the house for an hour or two). I have no problem with your way, if it works for you and its honest. But ya know, this topic was about someone cheating. What you discribe is more like an open marriage. This question, so it seems, was leaning toward the idea that this was supposed to be a monogamous relationship.
Make your vote count. Become a supreme court justice......Peny |
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tergiversant
Skeptic Friend
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - 08/21/2001 : 08:52:18 [Permalink]
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quote:
quote:
Suppose that you discovered your significant other was having an affair, which would you find more distressing: (A) the relationship is based primarily upon frequent sexual encounters with shallow emotional involvement or (B) the relationship is based primarily upon deep emotional involvement with infrequent sexual encounters?
Please provide your gender for demographic purposes.
I would have voted that I don't care in either case. I've tried for years to get him to see other people but he's such a nurd. Comes stright home except for stopping at the market.
He sees many women pass by where he works. I've made suggestions that he try to pick one up, he refuses. Can you tell me how to get him to interested in someone else?
It's only fair since I've been with others, don't you think?
Snake, if I may ask some personal questions?
1. What was/is the nature of your relationship?
2. How long have you been together?
3. Why do you stay together?
Just curious.
BTW, the poll seems to reveal thus far that women are more worried about emotional infidelity than men. The original poll results were more dramatic, however.
"Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione."
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 08/21/2001 : 23:48:45 [Permalink]
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Snake, if I may ask some personal questions?
1. What was/is the nature of your relationship?
2. How long have you been together?
3. Why do you stay together?
Just curious.
I'm quite a curious fellow myself, no problem. I don't mind answering personal questions, in fact I love to.
1. I don't know.
(Although I don't know what you mean by that either.)
2. Longer then I care to think about. Years.
3. We have both wondered that ourselves too, from time to time. I suppose the greatest reason is financial. (do you know any rich younger men?  )
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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