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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
 Posted - 03/08/2004 : 13:12:31
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Well, according to himself.
I saw this on another message board, but knew people here would get a kick out of it, too. Ted Jesus Christ GOD certainly seems like a joke, until you really look.
Here's his massive list of commandments. It is wonderfully inconsistent, badly written, and self-contradictory. There are a few I can get behind, though:quote:
Do not make computer viruses.
Do not hack.
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Do not use stolen source code.
Or these...quote:
Do not believe in or teach about ghost.
...
Do not seek the advice or information of a fortune teller.
But, then he spoils everything:quote:
Do not make bombs and have fun with them.
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- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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gezzam
SFN Regular
Australia
751 Posts |
Posted - 03/08/2004 : 18:19:17 [Permalink]
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quote:
Do not use stolen source code.
How in the hell do you think I taught myself VB Script, JavaScript and ASP programming...... |
Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.
Al Franken |
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Renae
SFN Regular
543 Posts |
Posted - 03/08/2004 : 18:35:08 [Permalink]
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And worse...
quote:
Do not eat people.
Day-ummmmmmm.....
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ktesibios
SFN Regular
USA
505 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2004 : 00:51:43 [Permalink]
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If a Human then do not have sex with animals.
IF NOT a Human THEN ??? 
Do not get into the movie or television or entertainment industry.
Aarrgh! Got me! 
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"The Republican agenda is to turn the United States into a third-world shithole." -P.Z.Myers |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2004 : 03:35:41 [Permalink]
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He DON"T WANT ya to have no fun at all, do he?
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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izzytoo
New Member
USA
1 Post |
Posted - 03/18/2004 : 20:21:29 [Permalink]
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Dave, this made me laugh so hard, I almost peed my pants. I, too, thought it was a joke at first. However, it isn't funny or witty enough to be joke (www.bettybowers.com, ,www.landoverbaptist.com, for example.) This Ted person is seriously deranged. I'm not sure what happened during his horrible 40 days and 40 nights ordeal that unhinged his mind, but he is having one hell of a hangover.
The first few of his commandments are pretty frickin' hilarious:
Do not fail to love the ONE and only THE ONE LIVING GOD with some of your heart!
Some of your heart, heh heh. I wonder what changed his mind. The first time he was here, he didn't give us that option. We had to hate our family in order to love him more.
There are no other Gods! You are to only worship THE ONE LIVING GOD! The worshipping of anything else other than God is DRASTIC SIN! Why does he have to keep yelling about other gods? If there are no other gods, why bring it up?
Do not attempt to overthrow God. Overthrow god? That just confuses the hell out of me. Could I do that? I mean, I wouldn't mind being god. I think I could do a far better job of it. I just never thought that was an option.
Do not plot with anybody to overthrow God. It sort of goes without saying that if I am not to overthrow god, then plotting to do it would certainly be out of the question. I am simply intriqued by this, however. He never mentioned us not trying to overthrow him before. Why make an issue out of it now? Unless...unless of course we actually CAN do it now. Anybody want to plot with me to overthrow god?
That was only the first 4. I'll have to go read some more of them.
Dave, thanks for posting this. I needed the laugh.
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Dawn Wilson
"Listen, he's not he Messiah, he's a very naughty boy. Now piss off!" |
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Robb
SFN Regular
USA
1223 Posts |
Posted - 03/19/2004 : 08:08:38 [Permalink]
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| The picture comparison to a portrait of Jesus is ridiculous. Does he think that's an actual picture of Jesus? |
Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. - George Washington |
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 03/19/2004 : 08:15:37 [Permalink]
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Dawn wrote:quote:
...but he is having one hell of a hangover.
A great way of putting it. 
Welcome, by the way, to the Skeptic Friends Network.
Robb wrote:quote:
Does he think that's an actual picture of Jesus?
That would appear to be the safe bet. |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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PruplePanther
Skeptic Friend
USA
79 Posts |
Posted - 03/19/2004 : 08:45:54 [Permalink]
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Its a really long list of comandments Mr. Dave but but i didnt see anything about "having commerce with the Beast of Redmond." Wouldnt that be one of the most evil of sins?
And wats up with quote:
Do not shave your public area.
Isnt ther one to many of the letters "l" in that sentence?
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"If I don't know where we are, I can't plot a course home." Major Carter, SG-1 |
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Valiant Dancer
Forum Goalie
USA
4826 Posts |
Posted - 03/19/2004 : 08:55:46 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by PruplePanther
Its a really long list of comandments Mr. Dave but but i didnt see anything about "having commerce with the Beast of Redmond." Wouldnt that be one of the most evil of sins?
And wats up with <blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">
Do not shave your public area.
Isnt ther one to many of the letters "l" in that sentence?
[/quote]
I'd kinda like to know what is a public area. Are they saying don't shave a park somewhere? I dunno, good ol Abe on Mount Rushmore looks like he could use a shave. Think a couple of tons of TNT should do the trick? :lol:
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Cthulhu/Asmodeus when you're tired of voting for the lesser of two evils
Brother Cutlass of Reasoned Discussion |
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 03/19/2004 : 10:26:52 [Permalink]
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PruplePanther wrote:quote:
Its a really long list of comandments Mr. Dave but but i didnt see anything about "having commerce with the Beast of Redmond." Wouldnt that be one of the most evil of sins?
Well, it does say, "Do not participate in organized crime." Is that close enough?
As for the "Do not shave your public area" typo, as someone on that other message board noted, it must be okay to shave one's private areas. |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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spindizy
New Member
6 Posts |
Posted - 04/05/2004 : 11:09:41 [Permalink]
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Wow this guy's a few bee's short of a full hive...
These are a few of the ones that I have trouble with, ive tried to arrange them in categories...
>Do not attempt to diminish The Kingdom of Ancient Heaven. Anywhere in the Infinite Universe you are you are to TRY to HELP with transitioning to THE KINGDOM and this includes Ancient Heaven and World Earth!
"You are you are" eh? Ancient Heaven, World Earth... What planet is this guy from?
>Do not try to takeover from God.
>Do not try to compete with God.
>Do not compete too much with the Creator.
Could someone please tell me how I would even go about doing this?
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>Do not take the name of THE ONE LIVING GOD in vane.
>Do not take the Lords name in vane.
vane.. a Weather vane??? huh?
>Do not buy or have or decorate with Santa Clauses or Elves and Reindeer at Christmas time because these are a DISTRACTION from Evil.
A distraction from evil?? I thought evil was bad???
>Do not watch theater. The vast majority of this is from Evil. These performing are mostly DarkSide Humans. Them performing are mostly Possessed. Therefore you are getting entertained by Satan or Devil and Demons.
Wouldn't "The Passion" fall under this???
>Do not use DarkSide language.
"Luke, I am your father." -- sorry, couldn't resist.
>Do not ignore people in need ... if somebody is hurt or injured or needs help you are to help them if you can if a LightSide Human. If a DarkSide Human you can ignore them or refuse to help them!
Uh, shouldn't you help someone regardless if they're bad or not?? Doesn't the bible say that somewhere?
>Do not disobey your husband if in a marriage unless this husband is telling you to do things that are sin or against God!
>If getting a divorce the wife is NOT to get custody or fight for custody of the children if the husband wants custody.
>If in a marriage and a wife do not try to compete with or be above the husband.
Now if my wife would only follow these...
>Do not neglect to marry off your daughter soon after she starts her period and starts to bleed periodically because when doing this she is adult for a human and is old enough to reproduce and is ready and is old enough to be and should be getting married!
That would be like.. 12, 13 or 14... (or earlier) Uh.. Just because a girl has a period means she has to marry??? Wha...
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>Do not torture. Physical Torture is only for THE ONE LIVING GOD and for any that HE delegates this to. For anybody else doing this then this is a sin.
What if it was delegated to me??
>Do not Mass Murder.
>Do not murder.
Can we say "REDUNDANT" ?
>Do not threaten people unless these deserve to be threatened.
Uh-huh. And who decides this?
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>Do not have sex with self.
Again, can someone tell me how.. wait.. nevermind.
>Do not have sex in a car or truck or SUV.
But a Bus is ok? What about a Plane? Or a Boat? Train??
>Do not have sex with any man that is not circumcised.
... Wha??
>Do not for a women or female put inside of her sexual balls that cause here to have orgasms.
>Do not participate in Exotic Erotic Balls.
>Do not do women and female circumcision.
..... Do these make any sence to anyone? Exotic Erotic Balls?
>Do not have sex with a close relative.
No problem.
>Do not rape.
>Do not drug a person and then have sex with them. This is considered rape.
Really... I didn't know..
>Do not if a women or female ride horses or riding animal straddling the horse or riding animal because this can and does make her have orgasms and multiple orgasms and is considered having sex with that animal.
>Do not if a women or female straddle a motorcycle and ride a motorcycle or be given a ride because this is not proper and she can have orgasms from the vibrations.
Since having an orgasm while riding a horse is considered having sex with a horse, if you had an orgasm from riding a motorcycle, would that be considered having sex with a motorcycle? He doesnt say no sex with machines!
>Do not allow your hymen to be broken in unless you are married and this is from your husband using your husbands penis.
Your husband using your husbands penis???
>Do not touch any strippers in Stripper Clubs or Stripper Bars or Nude Clubs or Sex Clubs.
But Watching is ok? What if they touch me??
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tomk80
SFN Regular
Netherlands
1278 Posts |
Posted - 04/05/2004 : 12:50:54 [Permalink]
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Man, this site is cool! Besides the commandments I also loved the following link
http://www.tedjesuschristgod.org/tjcgttb/tjcgttb_hackers.htm
He even has a special note for the skeptics of the world.
quote:
Some are SKEPTICAL that Satan or Devil and Demons are on the Internet and this physically with their own eyes on computer screens and their own fingers on keyboards and who do you think maintains an Internet Site like www.lucifer.com and TJCG is COMMANDING for Michael the Angel to answer this? This is maintained by a Demon. This will probably change now or in the future now that this has been pointed out. Those may leave this out there because TJCG is HEARING LOUD SPIRITUALLY that Those are DEFIANT and do NOT want to be erasing and knocking down Those Internet Sites because of TJCG. From the 'third testament to bibles', Hackers 2, vs 4
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Tom
`Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, `if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.'
-Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Caroll- |
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 04/05/2004 : 21:19:32 [Permalink]
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spindizy wrote:quote:
>Do not for a women or female put inside of her sexual balls that cause here to have orgasms.
>Do not participate in Exotic Erotic Balls.
>Do not do women and female circumcision.
..... Do these make any sence to anyone? Exotic Erotic Balls?
You aksed for it: The Exotic Erotic Ball (perhaps not work safe). It's an annual event.
The first one refers to these things (that link is assuredly not work-safe, unless you work in the porn industry).
And finally, female "circumcision" (which many people call "female genital mutilation").
The first two are "whatever creams your Twinkie" issues to me, pure and simple. The last is the same if and only if the female in question is a consenting adult. Of course, TJCG has probably never even seen an orgasm, so what does he know about any of this? |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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Sea Sorbust
Skeptic Friend
USA
68 Posts |
Posted - 04/06/2004 : 07:24:45 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave W.
PruplePanther wrote:quote:
Its a really long list of comandments Mr. Dave but but i didnt see anything about "having commerce with the Beast of Redmond." Wouldnt that be one of the most evil of sins?
Well, it does say, "Do not participate in organized crime." Is that close enough?
Gee, Dave. Do you really think of Microsoft as organized crime? |
"This is the forest primeval...."  |
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 04/06/2004 : 09:11:03 [Permalink]
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Sea Sorbust wrote:quote:
Gee, Dave. Do you really think of Microsoft as organized crime?
No! No I don't. I'm a very satisfied Microsoft customer, honest! I purchased all the softw...
<transmission terminated> |
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