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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
 Posted - 08/25/2004 : 13:23:06
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Yet another game thread, folks. This time, describe a famous event in history (either real or apocryphal) as if you are a TV sports commentator. Obviously, sports events are out, as there'd be no fun in that.
Crud, I've gotta go before I can come up with an example. Someone help me out!
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- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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Ricky
SFN Die Hard
USA
4907 Posts |
Posted - 08/25/2004 : 15:37:48 [Permalink]
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Well, this one comes to mind: does evolution have a goal?
quote:
For those of you who have just joined us we're 80 minutes into the
game here at Lyons in the Religious Cup finals. The score is still tied at Creation 0, Evolution 0.
Creation has the ball; lineman Falwell is dribbling up the field.
He's rushed by Evolution forward Richard Dawkins! Falwell makes a
high pass upfield; it's caught on the chest by Creation forward
Randall Terry! Terry moves around Evolution rear guard Edmund
Spenser! He takes a shot! What a great leaping save by Evolution goaltender Charlie Darwin! He dove to the far end of the net to catch Terry's shot. The Evolution
line is heading downfield and Darwin waits for the opening. A big
throw! Reaches Evolution forward Stephen Jay Gould halfway up the
field. Gould dribbles; dodges Creation's Falwell and passes to
Dawkins! Dawkins shoots! The shot gets past Creation goaltender
Billy Graham! It's good! Evolution has a goal!
http://www.skeptictank.org/evolgoal.htm
But thats a bit off what you want, so hows this:
B: Hey, its a nice day out here in Normandy, the sky is clear, the waves are nice, wouldn't you say, Chuck?
C: Yes, it certainly is, Bob, but we know all thats about to change.
B: Ha, yes, we certainly do. Were in for a little game I like to call "Last guy not to die wins."
C: The Axis have the home advantage, but the Allies have the strength in numbers, it will be an interesting fight to the death.
B: Considering how well those trenches are dug Chuck, I would have to say my favoirte is for the Axis. They have done a terrific job of building up a nice solid defense.
C: And here comes the Allies, a good choice of entrance, through the sea. Will they have enough to get passed the front lines of the Axis powers and score? We're about to find out.
B: Axis opens fire with a spectacular array of bullets. Blood flying everywhere, its such a great site to see a team work together so well like that.
C: Allies are having a hard time making it to the playing field, this might be over before it begins.
B: Man, the Axis isn't even letting them get out of the boats anymore, if the Allies don't make a move fast, its all over.
C: And there is that move, one boat has been able to unload and they have made a straight rush to the beach. And of course, by the time this sentence is over, they will probably already be dead.
B: That they are, Chuck. Seems like the Allies are still having a bit of trouble, the have taken cover by some of the barriers that are on the beach, good use of the home playing field against the Axis.
C: Yes, it certainly is. Now they are making a rush, and oh my God, it seems as if the Allies have been able to find a cover point right in front of the guns. It may be all over for the Axis right now.
B: The Allies are building up their force on the beach, ready to make a mad dash for the bunkers. Oh wait, whats this? Some Allied man has been able to sneak around the Axis defense line. If thats not offsides, I don't know what is.
C: He has gotten into the bunker and taken all the Axis men out. With this hole in their defense, its all over. Allies 1, Axis 0. |
Why continue? Because we must. Because we have the call. Because it is nobler to fight for rationality without winning than to give up in the face of continued defeats. Because whatever true progress humanity makes is through the rationality of the occasional individual and because any one individual we may win for the cause may do more for humanity than a hundred thousand who hug their superstitions to their breast.
- Isaac Asimov |
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 08/25/2004 : 18:09:43 [Permalink]
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| Your Normandy play-by-play is great, Ricky. But, for others who might want to play, a couple of sentences will do. |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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satans_mom
Skeptic Friend
USA
148 Posts |
Posted - 08/25/2004 : 20:38:43 [Permalink]
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Welcome back, folks, and now it's time to jump in to the halftime report. Up to this point, we've seen several different animals board the Ark of Noah, and from the looks of it, we've got a lot more species to go! The last to board was a familiar breed of swallow, the barn swallow to be exact. Swallows are found in areas where there is a ready and accessible supply of small insects. They are particularly fond of open pasture with access to water and quiet farm buildings. Large reedbeds in late summer and early autumn can be good places to look for pre-migration roosts. Alright, enough of the quick lesson, let's take a look at who's coming up next, and for that, I'll hand it over to Jim. Jim?
Thanks Bob, and from what I can see up here, we've got quite a bit of interesting species up ahead! Up next is a rather disliked creature, known for the horrible bites it causes and potential diseases it can spread, the one and only Asian Tiger Mosquito. Adults are known as tiger mosquitoes due to their conspicuous patterns of very black bodies with white stripes. Also, there is a distinctive single white band (stripe) down the length of the back. The body length is about 3/16-inch long. Like all adult mosquitoes, Asian tiger mosquitoes are small, fragile insects with slender bodies, one pair of narrow wings (tiny scales are attached to wing veins), and three pairs of long, slender legs. They have an elongate proboscis (beak) with which the female bites and feeds on blood, while males feed only on plant nectar. Eggs are elongate, usually 1/40-inch long, and dark brown to black near hatching. Larvae (wigglers) are filter feeders that move with an S-shaped motion. Pupae (tumblers) are comma-shaped, appearing to tumble through the water when disturbed. It's too bad God wasn't more picky when he said two of every kind, hehe! Heh. Coming up after that, we've got leopards, monkeys, beetles, and much more!
The mosquitos are beginning to board now.... the deck is extremely loud because the elephants have been riled by some dwarf mice on board and that's frightened most of the animals, but none the less, the mosquitos are probably looking forward to a feast up ahead! Everything looks most efficient here, and all the animals seem to be on their best behaviors! Wish I could say the same about my kids! Back to you, Bob!
Thanks Tim. As you can probably guess, this ark is HUGE! It's at least 135 meters long, 22.5 meters wide, and 13.5 meters high. Some of you may be thinking, "Well, that doesn't seem like much room for two of every kind!" but in actuality, only two of every land-dwelling air-breathing animal has to be on board, and many of these creatures are very small. Furthermore, not every single type of species has to be here today, just two generic animals suitable for breeding, that means, not every shade of butterfly has to be here, for instance. So now, what you should be asking, is what is Noah going to do with all this room?
Stay tuned for more full-packed action with today's miracles. Right after the break, we'll tell you what Noah and his family plan on eating for this long journey and just how long the Earth's going to be flooded. Don't miss the exciting adventures of Noah's Ark! |
Yo mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 08/26/2004 : 02:53:23 [Permalink]
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Good evening, folks. This is Mike Sarducci and we're here on the docks of Medina, Sicly. It's as fine a day as the year of 1347 has given us and not too shabby for October, eh captian?
Captain: Ooog.
Here with me is the senior captain of the Genoese fleet that has just returned from the Orient. How was the voyage, Cap?
Captain: (Wheeze-gag) pretty good except for a little (choke) touch of the flux.
Well, that happens, doesn't it. Say, why are your crews laying around like that?
Captain: Just (sknnxxx-HACK-SPITOO-splat!), flux.
No doubt, but what are those purple lumps -- holy sh--- uh, look at the size of that fuc--- uh, look at that rat!
Captain: I don't feel so good (BARRRF).
And that's the reportfromthedocksfolks.ThisisMike,signingoff,now......
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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| Edited by - filthy on 08/26/2004 05:39:47 |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 08/26/2004 : 08:11:36 [Permalink]
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Hi folks, this is Mike Sarducci reporting from a hermeticly sealed studio on the cooler side of Mt. Etna. We have with us, by phone link, Pope Clement IV. Good morning your Holiness. How's it going with the Black Death?
His Holiness: Good morning, Mike. I'm afraid that at this point, BD is winning. As I'm sure you know, it's taken out something like 2/3 of the clergy team in just a year. But we're working on some new plays.
Yeah, that living in monsteries thing. Easy to pick up a plague, there. Can you tell us what might those plays be?
His Holiness: Sure can. I'm granting Absolution to anyone who dies without recieving Last Rites. And also, laymen can hear Confession, and if really in a pinch, I'm going to let women hear it as well.
Wow! Radical! That sounds like a plan!
His Holiness: Yes, and further, we're going to encourage the populace to march in procession, including the Flagellants. God will love it!
The Flagellants! Um, won't that be a bit, er, messy? You know, all that blood and rent flesh? And the howling?
His Holiness: You've got to do what you've got to do to win. Black Death is a worthy opponent.
Ok, Your Holiness. Sounds like you're about to give the opposition a suprise it won't soon forget. We'll be watching and giving updates regularly. Thank you for being here.
His Holiness: Thank you for having me, Mike. Say, if you know any young fellows who are looking for a job and might want to consider the priesthood, give them my number. We've got lots of openings.
Sure will, your Holiness.... This is Mike Sarducci, reporting from Mt. Etna.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard
3192 Posts |
Posted - 08/26/2004 : 08:52:17 [Permalink]
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Hi and welcome back to the Tetris Stack em' and Pack em' bonus round, having taken out the Fed ex team in the Finals, team Ark 1 will attempt to fit two of all God's creatures into a ship 300 cubits long!
That's one heck of a challange Marv, maybe our toughest challenge yet. But the prize is bigger than ever this year: A chance to survive one of God's cruel purges of humanity! Maybe he'll take us along Bob! (chuckles)
Not likely Marv, they are gonna need all the room they can spare. Lets look in on how its progressing down on the field. Jenny how do things look down there?
Not good Bob, Naoh's sons decided on the alphabetical method, but appaently the beetles have taken up over 60% of the total cargo space! |
"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History
"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini |
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Valiant Dancer
Forum Goalie
USA
4826 Posts |
Posted - 08/26/2004 : 09:22:39 [Permalink]
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| Well, Jim. We're here at the beach overlooking the island of Krakatoa. It's a beautiful day here and (BOOM!!!) What the....... AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! (thud) |
Cthulhu/Asmodeus when you're tired of voting for the lesser of two evils
Brother Cutlass of Reasoned Discussion |
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R.Wreck
SFN Regular
USA
1191 Posts |
Posted - 08/28/2004 : 14:15:17 [Permalink]
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This is Billy-Bob-Joe Gobsmucker reporting from the new Fundamentalist-General Hospital maternity wing. This big beautiful new addition was recently opened. Here with me is the chief nurse of the maternity ward, Ellie-Mae-Eunice Fuddholler. Nurse Fuddholler, why did Fundy-General build such a large maternity wing?
Nurse Fuddholler: Well you know its God's will that women do nuthin' but have babies, so we saw the need for a bigger place to be birthin' em.
Billy-Bob-Joe: And here's one of them little gifts right here.
Nurse Fuddholler: (Picks up baby) Yesiree Billy-Bob-Joe, 10 pounds 6 ounces, this ones a keeper! Why just look at...OOPS, I seemed to have dropped him right on his little head! Oh well, God's will I guess.
Billy-Bob-Joe: Will he be alright Nurse Fuddholler?
Nurse Fuddholler: Oh yeah, happens all the time here at Fundy-General. I'm sure little ... (looks at baby's wristband)... Verlch will be just fine! |
The foundation of morality is to . . . give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibliities of knowledge.
T. H. Huxley
The Cattle Prod of Enlightened Compassion
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