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Dry_vby
Skeptic Friend
Australia
249 Posts |
 Posted - 08/13/2005 : 18:25:49 [Permalink]
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A farmer walks into his house with a duck under his arms, goes up to his wife and says "This is the pig I've been arguing with all these years"
His wife says "That's not a pig, it's a duck."
The man says "I was talking to the duck." |
"I'll go along with the charade
Until I can think my way out.
I know it was all a big joke
Whatever it was about."
Bob Dylan
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2005 : 19:28:42 [Permalink]
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| A guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The bartender says, "hey, that's kinda neat, where'd you get it?" The frog says, "I don't know, it started as a little bump on my butt." |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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Espritch
Skeptic Friend
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2005 : 20:41:14 [Permalink]
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| I would just like to point out that this is the saddest excuse for a discussion of a scientific discovery of possibly "cosmic" importance that I have ever read (and I've read "science" threads on Rapture Ready). |
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Ricky
SFN Die Hard
USA
4907 Posts |
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2005 : 22:03:22 [Permalink]
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I'm not even sure what should have been discussed. There's a bunch of scientists who are putting forth some new evidence for a well-respected hypothesis, and they're doing the work needed to double-check themselves. It's very interesting, but what would a group of layfolk such as ourselves really have to discuss about it?
No matter what, it's good to see you're still checking in now and then, Espritch! |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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Dry_vby
Skeptic Friend
Australia
249 Posts |
Posted - 08/15/2005 : 15:25:38 [Permalink]
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And no one's mentioned religion, yet.
Jesus was just taking a break from a long morning of healing lepers, when Luke comes running towards him waving his arms and saying "Jesus, where are you going? There's another bunch of lepers coming over that rise."
Jesus said "Can't you handle it?"
Luke looked at Jesus, bemused.
"But, how?" he asked." I can't do that stuff."
Jesus replied "Use the force, Luke."
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"I'll go along with the charade
Until I can think my way out.
I know it was all a big joke
Whatever it was about."
Bob Dylan
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Valiant Dancer
Forum Goalie
USA
4826 Posts |
Posted - 08/17/2005 : 06:58:48 [Permalink]
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Dry Vby had to start on religion so.....
New Wiccan Chant
Isis! Isis! Ra! Ra! Ra!
You might be a redneck Pagan if.....
your altar is up on blocks in the front yard.
you've ever filled the chalice with a jug containing grampa's corn squeezin's.
High Preist: Jim Bob, High Preistess: Lucy May
the charge of the Goddess concludes with a Rebel yell.
Jesus and Moses go to play golf. Moses tees up his ball uses a 7-iron and drives his tee shot into the lake. He parts the waters and plays on. Jesus asks Moses what club Arnold Palmer would use. 9-iron is the reply. So Jesus tees up and drives his tee shot straight into the water hazard. He walks out and gets his ball. Moses suggests that he use a different club but Jesus insists that if Arnold Palmer can do it, so can he. After the third attempt, the foursome behind them catch up to see Jesus on the water. One of the golfers ask Moses, "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?" "No," replies Moses, "Arnold Palmer."
Moses and Jesus are walking by the Red Sea one day. "I wonder if I still got it," says Moses. Moses moves his hands apart and the waters open a path. Jesus says," I wonder if I still got it." Jesus starts walking out and slowly starts sinking. He is soaked from head to toe when he gets back to shore. Moses says, "I think I see your problem, Boss. You didn't have holes in your feet last time."
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Cthulhu/Asmodeus when you're tired of voting for the lesser of two evils
Brother Cutlass of Reasoned Discussion |
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 08/17/2005 : 08:30:49 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Valiant Dancer
Jesus and Moses go to play golf...
Moses tees up first, and makes a beautiful drive with the ball landing within a foot of the cup. Jesus tees up, shanks it, and the ball goes skittering off into the woods. The pair start walking into the woods, and then a rabbit hops out from behind a tree and starts nibbling the ball. As Jesus and Moses start running to chase the rabbit off, an eagle flies down, grabs the rabbit, and soars into the sky, the rabbit still with the ball between its teeth. As Jesus and Moses watch the eagle fly away, a 747 flies overhead, and the eagle gets sucked into an engine, which explodes.
And as Jesus and Moses walk through the rain of aluminum, feathers, and fur, out of the sky comes the ball. It's on fire, but it bounces once on the green and then drops into the cup for a hole-in-one. Moses, annoyed, turns to Jesus and says, "would you just play the game, and stop screwing around!?" |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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Rubicon95
Skeptic Friend
USA
220 Posts |
Posted - 08/17/2005 : 09:44:44 [Permalink]
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That was great.
Maybe MADtv could do it as a skit.
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way
New Member
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - 08/17/2005 : 13:11:01 [Permalink]
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Dry_vby, the pig and the duck one was the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Laughing out loud is an understatement. Thanks, I needed that.
...and yeah, I'm just catching up. |
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Hawks
SFN Regular
Canada
1383 Posts |
Posted - 08/17/2005 : 15:10:33 [Permalink]
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| Jesus walks into a hotel, slams three nails on the reception counter and asks: "Can you put me up for the night?" |
METHINKS IT IS LIKE A WEASEL
It's a small, off-duty czechoslovakian traffic warden! |
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GeeMack
SFN Regular
USA
1093 Posts |
Posted - 08/17/2005 : 15:18:38 [Permalink]
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A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning they woke up. Father Mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. He called back down the hole, "Come up here Mother Mole! I smell fresh made honey!"
Mother Mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. She sniffed and said, "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!"
Baby Mole, still down in the hole, sulked, "I can't smell anything from down here but molasses!"
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H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard
USA
4574 Posts |
Posted - 08/17/2005 : 17:49:45 [Permalink]
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A man went to Confession and said to the priest, "Forgive me, Father. I used the F-word this week."
"Ah, my son. Tell me the circumstances which caused you to use the F-word. After all, I can understand a person being provoke into using it."
"Well, I was golfing and I had just hit a beautiful tee-shot that sailed straight as an arrow for 280 yards, but then suddenly sliced into the woods."
"That is when you used the F-word. I can appreciate your frustration, my son, as I am a golfer myself."
"No, I stayed cool at that point, Father. I then hit a perfect shot out of the woods, but suddenly it landed in the sand trap."
"Now, I can understand you saying the F-word at that point."
"No, Father, I was calm even then. I got out my sand wedge and hit a perfect shot out of the trap right at the pin, but suddenly the ball stopped a foot from the cup."
"Ah, that is when you used the F-word. How frustrating."
"No, Father, I was still cool."
The priest looked at the man and sighed. "You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?"
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"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman
"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie |
| Edited by - H. Humbert on 08/17/2005 17:50:45 |
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furshur
SFN Regular
USA
1536 Posts |
Posted - 08/23/2005 : 12:56:27 [Permalink]
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The crowd was about to stone a woman to death when Jesus intervened.
He held up his arms and said, "May he who is without sin cast the first stone".
A second later a stone comes whistling by him and smacks the poor woman between the eyes.
Jesus whips around and exclaims, "you know mom, sometimes you really piss me off!"
Not as good as 'put me up for a night', but its ok. |
If I knew then what I know now then I would know more now than I know. |
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Valiant Dancer
Forum Goalie
USA
4826 Posts |
Posted - 08/23/2005 : 13:46:16 [Permalink]
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Jesus is being cricified. He calls out, "Peter! Peter!"
Peter runs to the front of the crowd crying, "Yes, Lord. What is it?"
The Roman guards, fearing he'll start trouble break both of Peter's arms and throw him to the back of the crowd.
Jesus calls out again, "Peter! Peter!"
Peter runs to the front of the crowd and shouts, "Yes, Lord. What is it?"
The Roman guards break both of Peter's legs and throw him to the back of the crowd.
Jesus calls out a third time, "Peter! Peter!"
Peter manages to worm his way up to the front of the crowd crying, "Yes, Lord. What is it?"
The Roman guards look at Peter. Since he has two broken arms and two broken legs they decide he is no threat.
Jesus yells, "Peter, I can see your house from here."
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Cthulhu/Asmodeus when you're tired of voting for the lesser of two evils
Brother Cutlass of Reasoned Discussion |
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