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H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard
USA
4574 Posts |
 Posted - 08/23/2005 : 14:13:50 [Permalink]
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A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down.
The barman says, "Hey, do you know we make a drink named after you?"
The grasshopper says, "You make a drink named Steve?"
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"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman
"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie |
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Ricky
SFN Die Hard
USA
4907 Posts |
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H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard
USA
4574 Posts |
Posted - 08/23/2005 : 15:36:01 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Ricky
quote:
Originally posted by Dave W.
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "hey, we've got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper asks, "you've got a drink named Earl?"
Nice try though, HH
Bah. Sorry, didn't realize it was a repost. But boy that Dave does have a keen sense of humor.  |
"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman
"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie |
| Edited by - H. Humbert on 08/23/2005 16:43:19 |
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tw101356
Skeptic Friend
USA
333 Posts |
Posted - 08/23/2005 : 16:45:40 [Permalink]
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A giraffe walks into a bar and says, "The highballs are on me."
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- TW
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R.Wreck
SFN Regular
USA
1191 Posts |
Posted - 08/24/2005 : 17:15:08 [Permalink]
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Bob and his wife are golfing. On the fifth hole, Bob hooks his drive and winds up about 50 yards behind a barn. He sizes up the situation, and figures that since the doors on both ends of the barn are open, he has a shot to the green. He smacks the ball, it ricochets off the barn door frame, and hits his wife in the head, killing her.
A few months later, Bob is golfing with Dave. On the fifth hole, Dave hooks his drive, and winds up about 50 yards behind the same barn. He tells Bob that he thinks he has a shot to the green.
Bob tells him "No, you don't want to try that shot. I did, and it was a tragedy."
Dave asks "What happened?"
Bob tells him:
"I got a bogey!" |
The foundation of morality is to . . . give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibliities of knowledge.
T. H. Huxley
The Cattle Prod of Enlightened Compassion
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H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard
USA
4574 Posts |
Posted - 08/25/2005 : 00:58:35 [Permalink]
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*Warning!* Dirty jokes ahead!
What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
Answer: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
Why does a bride smile when she's walking down the aisle?
Answer: Because she knows she's given her last blow job.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Answer: Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
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"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman
"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie |
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furshur
SFN Regular
USA
1536 Posts |
Posted - 08/25/2005 : 05:52:23 [Permalink]
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Thanks tw101356, do have any idea how much it hurts to shoot hot coffee through your nose???
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If I knew then what I know now then I would know more now than I know. |
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NubiWan
Skeptic Friend
USA
424 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2005 : 09:58:42 [Permalink]
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A man goes to see his doctor. Doc, I have a problem. My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, My ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday, and my wife is coming home Sunday. I need 3 Viagra pills, to satisfy them all.
The doctor says, "You know 3 Viagra pills, 3 nights in a row, is pretty dangerous for a man of your age."
"I will give them to you under one condition, that you return to my
office, on Monday, so that I can check you out."
The man says, "You have a deal, Doc."
Monday morning, the man returns with his arm in a sling.
The doctor says, "What happened?"
The man answered, "Nobody showed up." |
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R.Wreck
SFN Regular
USA
1191 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2005 : 10:24:08 [Permalink]
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A truckload of Viagra was stolen.
The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals. |
The foundation of morality is to . . . give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibliities of knowledge.
T. H. Huxley
The Cattle Prod of Enlightened Compassion
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2005 : 11:19:08 [Permalink]
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A guy goes to the doctor, complaining that he's not smart enough. The doctor examines him fully, and says, "I'm writing you a prescription for some pills. Take one every day for two weeks, then come back and see me again."
Two weeks go by, and the guy returns. "I'm not feeling any smarter, doc." The doctor says, "okay, take two of the pills every day, and come back in another two weeks."
The next two weeks go by, and the guy returns. "I'm still not feeling any smarter, doc. What did you give me, some sort of placebo?"
"See!" the doctor exclaims, "you're getting smarter already!" |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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CourseKnot
Skeptic Friend
USA
82 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2005 : 18:52:05 [Permalink]
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| Will I need cosmic string to tie my moon boots? |
Just flying through space with the rest of you... |
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Hawks
SFN Regular
Canada
1383 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2005 : 19:10:25 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by CourseKnot
Will I need cosmic string to tie my moon boots?
Do moon boots have strings? |
METHINKS IT IS LIKE A WEASEL
It's a small, off-duty czechoslovakian traffic warden! |
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
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Dry_vby
Skeptic Friend
Australia
249 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2005 : 20:47:21 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by H. Humbert
*Warning!* Dirty jokes ahead!
Why does a bride smile when she's walking down the aisle?
Answer: Because she knows she's given her last blow job.
What's the diference between a job and a wife.
A job still sucks after a month.
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"I'll go along with the charade
Until I can think my way out.
I know it was all a big joke
Whatever it was about."
Bob Dylan
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