|
|
|
|
dv82matt
SFN Regular
760 Posts |
 Posted - 08/13/2005 : 19:04:30
|
I enjoy writing poetry in my spare time. Here's something I wrote some time ago. Let me know what you all think. 
Political Soup
'A' is for America,
'B' is for bureaucracy.
'C' is for consumer driven,
'D' is for democracy.
'E' is for education,
'F' is for a failing grade.
'G' is for good intentions.
'H' is for a hand grenade.
'I' is for Islamic,
'J' is for Jihad.
'K' is for the killing fields,
'L' is for the land of God.
'M' is for medicine,
'N' is for neglect.
'O' is for the oil wells,
'P' is for protect.
'Q' is for a quick crusade.
'R' is for religion.
'S' is for a suicide run.
'T' is for terrorism.
'U' is for uncertain times,
'V' is for a violent nation.
'W' is for world peace or,
'X' is for extermination.
'Y' is for all of you,
the ones who bear the strife.
To those who keep on trucking,
'Z' is for your zest for life.
|
|
|
H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard
USA
4574 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2005 : 22:02:29 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by dv82matt
I enjoy writing poetry in my spare time. Here's something I wrote some time ago. Let me know what you all think.
I like it quite a bit actually, although the last stanza is a bit awkward. Then again, shitty letters to work with. Plus, I like my poems to be unhappy. It's a personal thing. 
|
"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman
"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie |
| Edited by - H. Humbert on 08/13/2005 22:04:15 |
 |
|
|
dv82matt
SFN Regular
760 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2005 : 22:40:48 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by H. Humbert
I like it quite a bit actually, although the last stanza is a bit awkward.
Actually the last stanza didn't seem particularly awkward to me, but when I showed it to a friend of mine he too mentioned that it seems awkward, so you are obviously onto something. I just wish I could see it.quote:
Plus, I like my poems to be unhappy. It's a personal thing.
Heartbreaking or just really profound? Or maybe both? What are some of your favorites?
Edited cause I hit post instead of preview. |
| Edited by - dv82matt on 08/13/2005 22:50:20 |
|
|
|
Siberia
SFN Addict
Brazil
2322 Posts |
Posted - 08/14/2005 : 07:26:00 [Permalink]
|
I love it. So true and simple at once - my favorite kind |
"Why are you afraid of something you're not even sure exists?"
- The Kovenant, Via Negativa
"People who don't like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn't have such funny beliefs."
-- unknown
|
|
|
|
Gorgo
SFN Die Hard
USA
5310 Posts |
Posted - 08/14/2005 : 07:38:42 [Permalink]
|
| Pretty good. Yes, I suppose that 26 doesn't divide by 4 very well, but that doesn't matter. |
I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears
But it's alright-
Jerry Garcia
Robert Hunter
|
|
|
|
Ricky
SFN Die Hard
USA
4907 Posts |
|
|
dv82matt
SFN Regular
760 Posts |
Posted - 08/14/2005 : 11:38:24 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by Siberia
I love it. So true and simple at once - my favorite kind
Siberia, you are a true connoisseur of the arts. quote:
Originally posted by Gorgo
Pretty good. Yes, I suppose that 26 doesn't divide by 4 very well, but that doesn't matter.
Originally I tried to end it with a rhyming couplet. I couldn't make it work though. Also I wanted an upbeat conclusion, and a finishing couplet tends to be rather terse.
quote:
Originally posted by Ricky
I think the extra two lines at the end fit in very well. The only thing that bothers me is the "'Z' is for your zest for life." because of the two "for"'s and the "your" make it a bit difficult to say. I tried to find ways of phrasing it differently, but so far have failed.
My familiarity with it does cause me to miss things like this. After reading it umpteen times some of the initial awkwardness kind of fades away.
Thanks for all the constructive feedback! |
|
|
|
H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard
USA
4574 Posts |
Posted - 08/14/2005 : 19:01:47 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by dv82matt
quote:
Originally posted by H. Humbert
Plus, I like my poems to be unhappy. It's a personal thing.
Heartbreaking or just really profound? Or maybe both? What are some of your favorites?
I must admit I haven't read a whole lot of poetry. Do I like my poems heartbreaking or profound? I don't know, you tell me. My top three favorites are probably Song of Myself, then The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, and finally my sweet old etcetera...
|
"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman
"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie |
|
|
|
AKM
New Member
Canada
31 Posts |
Posted - 08/14/2005 : 20:52:05 [Permalink]
|
I'm no poet laureate, but I like it!
Heh heh, it kind of reminds me of:
Do, a deer, a female deer
Re, a drop of golden sun
Mi, a name I call myself
Fa, a long, long way to run
So, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow Sew
Ti, a drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to Do
|
"Leadership is not magnetic personality—that can just as well be a glib tongue. It is not "making friends and influencing people"—that is flattery. Leadership is lifting a person's vision to higher sights, the raising of a person's performance to a higher standard, the building of a personality beyond its normal limitations." Peter F. Drucker
"If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires." Abigail Van Buren |
|
|
|
AKM
New Member
Canada
31 Posts |
Posted - 08/14/2005 : 20:57:47 [Permalink]
|
Seriously though, I thought it was well written and seemed to be very well thought out, kudos dv82matt!
|
"Leadership is not magnetic personality—that can just as well be a glib tongue. It is not "making friends and influencing people"—that is flattery. Leadership is lifting a person's vision to higher sights, the raising of a person's performance to a higher standard, the building of a personality beyond its normal limitations." Peter F. Drucker
"If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires." Abigail Van Buren |
|
|
|
Dry_vby
Skeptic Friend
Australia
249 Posts |
Posted - 08/14/2005 : 21:01:46 [Permalink]
|
Dough is how I buy my beer.
Ray, a guy who buys me beer.
Me a man who's willing to go
Far to get a glass of beer.
So, lets have another beer
Lager is a type of beer
Tea? I'd rather have a beer.
That brings me back to dough. |
"I'll go along with the charade
Until I can think my way out.
I know it was all a big joke
Whatever it was about."
Bob Dylan
|
|
|
|
Ricky
SFN Die Hard
USA
4907 Posts |
|
|
dv82matt
SFN Regular
760 Posts |
|
|
Dude
SFN Die Hard
USA
6891 Posts |
Posted - 08/16/2005 : 03:08:41 [Permalink]
|
Nice one DV.
I think the last bit works fine, just change the cadence (from the first 6) of reading it and it finishes fine.
quote:
Plus, I like my poems to be unhappy. It's a personal thing.
I like them unhappy and dark. None of that flowery stench in my poetry!
Here's the first few bits from one of my favorites.
http://www.poetry.com/greatestpoems/poem.asp?title=from+The+House+of+Night&author=Philip+Freneau
|
Ignorance is preferable to error; and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing, than he who believes what is wrong.
-- Thomas Jefferson
"god :: the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument." - G. Carlin
Hope, n.
The handmaiden of desperation; the opiate of despair; the illegible signpost on the road to perdition. ~~ da filth |
|
| Edited by - Dude on 08/16/2005 03:10:07 |
|
|
|
dv82matt
SFN Regular
760 Posts |
Posted - 08/17/2005 : 09:23:05 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by AKM
Seriously though, I thought it was well written and seemed to be very well thought out, kudos dv82matt!
quote:
Originally posted by Dude
Nice one DV.
Thanks to ye both! 'Twas a pleasure!quote:
I like them unhappy and dark. None of that flowery stench in my poetry!
I wholeheartedly agree. Although it's not so much that they have to be dark, it's just that most of best poetry is.quote:
Here's the first few bits from one of my favorites.
http://www.poetry.com/greatestpoems/poem.asp?title=from+The+House+of+Night&author=Philip+Freneau
'The House of the Night'. I don't think I've ever read the whole thing, but the bit in the excerpt is great.
One of my all time favorites, Dulce et Decorum Est. |
|
|
|
 |
|
Topic Locked
