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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
 Posted - 10/17/2001 : 15:12:32
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In honor of my favorite holliday:
What did one ghost say to the other?
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''Do you believe in people?''
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art.
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
 Posted - 10/17/2001 : 22:47:09 [Permalink]
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What is a Mummies' favorite type of music?
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Wrap!
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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ZaphodBeeblebrox
Skeptic Friend
USA
117 Posts |
Posted - 10/17/2001 : 23:59:14 [Permalink]
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Why did the Vampires hold their Baseball Tournament, in a Graveyard
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If somebody didn't show, they could always, Dig Up, another Player. 
If you Ignore Your Rights, they WILL, go away. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2001 : 11:56:40 [Permalink]
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What do you get if you divide the circumference of your jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
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Pumpkin ''Pi''
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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balistic
New Member
USA
10 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2001 : 13:46:27 [Permalink]
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A seven year old boy, costumed as a pirate, approaches a house on Halloween.
"TRICK OR TREAT!" he yells, knocking loudly on the door.
An elderly woman answers, a bag of candy in hand.
"Oh my!" she exclaims, feigning fright, "A wicked pirate has come to steal my treats!"
She ponders for a moment.
"But you're a captain, where are your Buccaneers?" she inquires playfully.
"Under my buckin' hat, lady! Now make with the candy already!"
My pop told me that one when I was seven or eight. It was gut-bustingly hilarious at the time.
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Brian "balistic" Prince
http://www.bprince.com |
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Donnie B.
Skeptic Friend
417 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2001 : 14:24:00 [Permalink]
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quote:
"Under my buckin' hat, lady! Now make with the candy already!"
My pop told me that one when I was seven or eight. It was gut-bustingly hilarious at the time.
Well... your pop was clearly a different sort of fellow than mine. I'm considerably older than eight, and I don't think he'd tell me that one even now!
-- Donnie B.
Brian: "No, no! You have to think for yourselves!" Crowd: "Yes! We have to think for ourselves!" |
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ZaphodBeeblebrox
Skeptic Friend
USA
117 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2001 : 15:58:13 [Permalink]
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Here's one that my Father told me, back when I was 7.
What did the Elephant say to the Naked Man
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How do you breathe through that thing.
If you Ignore Your Rights, they WILL, go away. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2001 : 23:32:45 [Permalink]
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quote:
How do you breathe through that thing.
Well, I hope the naked man was Trick or Treating 'dressed' like that because you are getting Off Topic.
LOL, funny, never the less.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 11/01/2001 : 23:24:43 [Permalink]
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There's a man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few
days later he received a parcel with the following note.
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note,which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note which reads,
Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 10/31/2002 : 11:12:44 [Permalink]
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quote:
In honor of my favorite holliday:
Happy Halloween 2002
Bobbing Apples: What happens when you leave your bra off while running.
Boogieman: Guy who passes time at a stoplight picking his nose.
Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your throat.
Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer.
Full moon: What your repairman reveals when he bends over to fix your fridge.
Goblin: How you eat the Snickers bars you got for Halloween.
Invisible Man: What a guy becomes when there's housework to be done. Also, see "Mr. Hyde."
Jack O' Lantern: An Irish Pumpkin.
Jack the Ripper: What Jack does to his lottery tickets after losing each week.
Mummy: Who kisses the boo-boo after you scrape your knee.
Pumpkin Patch: What a pumpkin wears when trying to quit smoking.
Skeleton: Any supermodel.
Vampire Bat: What Dracula hits a baseball with.
Witch: See "Mother-in-Law."
Zombie: What you look like before that first cup of morning coffee
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*Carabao forever
*SAN FERNANDO VALLEY SECESSION - YES
www.CuriousCreations.com
*All lives are movie settings, it's what channel you're on that counts. Zatikia
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 10/31/2002 : 11:16:39 [Permalink]
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quote:
Happy Halloween 2002
Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe, as it happens in Transylvania. They were driving a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 10 feet in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone. Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road.
After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone??"
"I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in and I will get him."
Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor. I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries; so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. As the music fills the lab, his eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty Hill's hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master:
"Master, Master!......The Hills are alive with the sound of music!" |
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Hobbes
New Member
USA
34 Posts |
Posted - 10/31/2002 : 12:45:12 [Permalink]
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BOOO!!! What would Julie Andrews say? Shame shame shame.... B)
What do you call two guys with no arms or legs hanging over your windows?
Curt n' Rod
And Newton said, "y'= lim h->0 of [f(x+h)-f(x)]/[(x+h)-x], thus, Calculus was born, and Newton saw that it was good. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 11/01/2002 : 22:51:54 [Permalink]
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quote:
BOOO!!! What would Julie Andrews say? Shame shame shame.... B)
Ok, Ok. Calm down. Apologies to Mary Shelley too. But, hey! I didn't write it just forwarding an email. The lady who sent it to me has many more. Apparently Halloween is her favorite holiday too.
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*Carabao forever
*SAN FERNANDO VALLEY SECESSION - YES
www.CuriousCreations.com
*All lives are movie settings, it's what channel you're on that counts. Zatikia
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Topic Locked
