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R.Wreck
SFN Regular
USA
1191 Posts |
 Posted - 11/23/2005 : 10:35:53
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My wife's uncle "Earl" passed away recently, and we attended the funeral, or memorial service, whatever you call it. It was at a funeral home, and officiated by a Lutheran minister. This is the first one of these I've attended in quite a while, and the first since I've embraced skepticism.
The service was chock full of religibabble. The minister knew that uncle Earl was with the angels in heaven, and that they were having a great time. How he knew this is beyond me. He told the parable about the shepherd who loses one of his hundred sheep, and goes in search of it, and has a big celebration when he finds it. I'm not sure, because I wasn't really that close to uncle Earl, but I'm guessing this meant that Earl might not have been a regular at the minister's House of Holiness. But the rev was sure that Earl the lost sheep had been found by the big shepherd in the sky. Of course, just how an omniscient, omnipotent shepherd manages to lose a friggin' sheep in the first place wasn't addressed. There was more, and by the time the rev was done blathering, I thought I might pull an eye muscle, as much as they were rolling around.
There were also two of the worst attempts at music ever committed to CD (they called them "hymns"). About halfway through the second one, I was contemplating how it might be nice to switch places with uncle Earl just so I wouldn't have my ears or intelligence insulted any further.
I guess these things are supposed to comfort the living, but really, what comfort is there in being fed a bunch of fantastical unsupported speculations designed solely to make you feel better? And as I sat there listening, I could tell that most everyone else in the room believed this drivel! Is it so hard to just say "We don't know if consciousness survives physical death, and if it does we don't know what happens to it, but here's hoping it's really cool"? Fer cryin' out loud, let's at least be honest with each other, especially during emotionally trying situations.
After this debacle, we went to the cemetery, where we were treated to more from the holey babble, though mercifully this was shorter than the gig at the funeral home, and sans music. We then went for a luncheon in honor of uncle Earl, and of course the minister had to start out with another call to the sky daddy. I resisted the urge to pelt him with a piece of pineapple from the fruit salad.
After witnessing all of this, I told my wife that what we had just seen and heard was pretty much the exact opposite of what I would desire when I croak. There is to be no reverend, minister, priest, baghwan, imam, or any other self proclaimed holy man. There is to be absolutely no religious mumbo nor jumbo. There is to be a party, with good beer, and plenty of it. If possible, instead of being stuffed into a box and put on display like a salad bar, prop me up on a barstool with a stout in one hand and a stogie in the other. If anyone wants to say a few words, fine, but they better be entertaining. And do it at a golf course, not some house of depression with all the dark wood, organ music, and ghoulish guys in dark suits standing around looking somber.
It turns out that uncle Earl, a lifelong bachelor, didn't have a will, so now his next of kin are dealing with all kinds of hassles trying to figure out his estate. They'll wind up paying a lawyer a lot more than what a simple will would have cost.
So if your plans include death at some point, I strongly advise you to make a will now. Sure, you'll be dead and it won't be your problem, but have a little consideration for those that have to clean up your mess, will ya?
And make sure someone knows your wishes for what kind of memorial you want. Would you rather your last impression be "I can't believe I had to sit through that crap" or "That was great! I hope more of my friends and relatives do the same thing. And soon!"
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The foundation of morality is to . . . give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibliities of knowledge.
T. H. Huxley
The Cattle Prod of Enlightened Compassion
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Rubicon95
Skeptic Friend
USA
220 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 10:53:18 [Permalink]
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After being propped up on a barstool (cool idea) May I suggest this. www.eternalreefs.com
My sympathies to your loss.
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 11:07:28 [Permalink]
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| My wife doesn't want any sort of viewing when she dies, but realizes that her family can be pretty obstinate about such things. So, she made me promise that if she gets displayed like that, then I have to sneak in and rig things so that she'll randomly sit upright in the coffin, and play a recording of her saying, "don't I look natural?" (and other witty sayings). |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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Subjectmatter
Skeptic Friend
173 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 11:11:21 [Permalink]
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| What about the poor organs? Are they going to be lonely, rotting pieces of organ for the rest of eternity? Have some compassion and find them a new owner. The skeleton in the biology lab always impressed me. I'd like my skeleton to be like that, having little kids comparing your jaw to what they can feel in their own face and lifting the top of the cranium off to have a look at the space where a brain once lay... |
Sibling Atom Bomb of Couteous Debate |
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard
3192 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 11:27:08 [Permalink]
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Im giving out T-shirts to all who attend mine, I swear its the greatest t-shirt slogan ever conceived and instead of marketing it im waiting for my funeral for maximum effect. (Feel free to attend) I'll send out a post-mortem e-mail)
There will be a person hired by me to say "#@%$ you, pal!" to anybody who tries any sort of spiritual mumbo jumbo at my wake including crosses on the little card on the flowers.
Food will be non-kosher/halal, perhaps a golden calf idol surrounded by a bacon pyramid.
And as my family is mostly spiritual I do not expect many to stay very long.
Also I need to hire a thug or two, those damn Mormoms I know will Baptise me after I die unless I have a threat to get back at them. |
"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History
"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini |
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 11:29:52 [Permalink]
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| Actually, Subjectmatter, I've been considering donating my corpse to a medical school for gross anatomy class. Before I die, though, I've gotta get a tattoo on my spine of a simple dotted line, with "cut here first" written to one side. |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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GeeMack
SFN Regular
USA
1093 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 11:32:48 [Permalink]
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I understand completely. Several years ago my mother passed away. She would probably have considered herself an agnostic, not a non-believer, but certainly not a Christian. She hadn't been to any church for anything other than weddings for decades. Even her own second wedding was a home-brewed event.
Where's the rub? Well, my older sister decided to take full responsibility for making funeral arrangements. Fortunately we had her cremated (my mother, not my sister), but there was still a memorial service held at a local funeral home. It was actually a fairly pleasant affair, with many of her longtime friends attending. As the evening wound down my sister saw fit to bring on her favorite Christian holy man to ramble superstitious, "comforting" nonsense for about 15 minutes.
Now don't get me wrong, I am a boat rocker, a tag that others have often bestowed upon me with some intent to belittle, although to their dismay, I wear the title as a badge of honor. Of course a funeral just isn't the time or place for boat rocking, so I was on my best behavior, but the whole time that man was jabbering about heaven and eternal life and crap, I was thinking to myself, "How dare you (my sister in particular and anyone who has the nerve to pull a stunt like this in general) bring in some person to recite incantations and invoke superstitions to "honor" a person who wasn't even interested in being affiliated with that cult." That, in my opinion, is the epitome of disrespect for one who has passed.
I'm with R.Wreck on this one. A stogie and a brew for me, and for all who might want to honor my passing. You send in a minister and I'll come back to haunt you... I swear I will!
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pleco
SFN Addict
USA
2998 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 11:52:22 [Permalink]
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| My grandfather passed this year. He was buried in a little town in the middle of nowhere, Alabama. The religous service had little to do with my grandfather and more to do with using the death as a means of converting the unbelievers in the audience (I guess that meant me). What a disgrace, but I doubt my grandfather would have been unhappy with it. |
by Filthy
The neo-con methane machine will soon be running at full fart. |
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R.Wreck
SFN Regular
USA
1191 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 12:33:42 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Rubicon95:
After being propped up on a barstool (cool idea) May I suggest this. www.eternalreefs.com
My sympathies to your loss.
The eternal reef looks pretty cool, especially if you like the ocean. I'm leaning towards having my ashes scattered in a sand trap, though. And thanks for the condolences.
quote:
Originally posted by Subjectmatter:
What about the poor organs? Are they going to be lonely, rotting pieces of organ for the rest of eternity? Have some compassion and find them a new owner. The skeleton in the biology lab always impressed me. I'd like my skeleton to be like that, having little kids comparing your jaw to what they can feel in their own face and lifting the top of the cranium off to have a look at the space where a brain once lay...
Great idea. The gift that keeps on giving.
quote:
Originally posted by Dave W.:
Actually, Subjectmatter, I've been considering donating my corpse to a medical school for gross anatomy class. Before I die, though, I've gotta get a tattoo on my spine of a simple dotted line, with "cut here first" written to one side.
In college I tended bar part time. The building was a wino bar in a previous incarnation, so some of the local boozehounds would occasionally wander in. One I remember had a dotted line with "cut here" tattooed accross his neck! I was surprised nobody had taken him up on it yet.
quote:
Orignally posted by GeeMack:
Of course a funeral just isn't the time or place for boat rocking, so I was on my best behavior, but the whole time that man was jabbering about heaven and eternal life and crap, I was thinking to myself, "How dare you (my sister in particular and anyone who has the nerve to pull a stunt like this in general) bring in some person to recite incantations and invoke superstitions to "honor" a person who wasn't even interested in being affiliated with that cult." That, in my opinion, is the epitome of disrespect for one who has passed.
I agree. In this cas, as I am a relative by marriage, and really don't know if Earl was a believer, I just went with "grin grimace and bear it". |
The foundation of morality is to . . . give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibliities of knowledge.
T. H. Huxley
The Cattle Prod of Enlightened Compassion
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Hawks
SFN Regular
Canada
1383 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 13:54:05 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by BigPapaSmurf
Im giving out T-shirts to all who attend mine, I swear its the greatest t-shirt slogan ever conceived and instead of marketing it im waiting for my funeral for maximum effect. (Feel free to attend) I'll send out a post-mortem e-mail)
T-shirts - great idea! They could say stuff like "My uncle died and all I got was this T-shirt" (or has that already been done?).
My wife and I have already talked this through. If we end up in a vegetative state (a la Terry Schiavo) then take or organs. Otherwise burn crap out of us. |
METHINKS IT IS LIKE A WEASEL
It's a small, off-duty czechoslovakian traffic warden! |
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R.Wreck
SFN Regular
USA
1191 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 15:56:51 [Permalink]
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I almost forgot, the perfect song to lead off the memorial service with:
quote:
Well, I went to the doctor
I said, "I'm feeling kind of rough"
He said, "I'll break it to you, son,
Let me break it to you, son
Your shit's fucked up."
I said, "my shit's fucked up?"
Well, I don't see how-"
He said, "The shit that used to work-
It won't work now."
I had a dream
Ah, shucks, oh, well
Now it's all fucked up
It's shot to hell
Yeah, yeah, my shit's fucked up
It has to happen to the best of us
The rich folks suffer like the rest of us
It'll happen to you
That amazing grace
Sort of passed you by
You wake up every day
And you start to cry
Yeah, you want to die
But you just can't quit
Let me break it on down:
It's the fucked up shit
-Warren Zevon, "My Shit's Fucked Up"
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The foundation of morality is to . . . give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibliities of knowledge.
T. H. Huxley
The Cattle Prod of Enlightened Compassion
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Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9688 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 16:17:36 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave W.
Actually, Subjectmatter, I've been considering donating my corpse to a medical school for gross anatomy class. Before I die, though, I've gotta get a tattoo on my spine of a simple dotted line, with "cut here first" written to one side.
Gross...
I love it!  |
Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3
"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse
Support American Troops in Iraq:
Send them unarmed civilians for target practice..
Collateralmurder. |
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Kil
Evil Skeptic
USA
13477 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 17:58:30 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by R.Wreck
I almost forgot, the perfect song to lead off the memorial service with:
quote:
Well, I went to the doctor
I said, "I'm feeling kind of rough"
He said, "I'll break it to you, son,
Let me break it to you, son
Your shit's fucked up."
I said, "my shit's fucked up?"
Well, I don't see how-"
He said, "The shit that used to work-
It won't work now."
I had a dream
Ah, shucks, oh, well
Now it's all fucked up
It's shot to hell
Yeah, yeah, my shit's fucked up
It has to happen to the best of us
The rich folks suffer like the rest of us
It'll happen to you
That amazing grace
Sort of passed you by
You wake up every day
And you start to cry
Yeah, you want to die
But you just can't quit
Let me break it on down:
It's the fucked up shit
-Warren Zevon, "My Shit's Fucked Up"
And, of course, his shit really was fucked up. I miss Warren Zevon. |
Uncertainty may make you uncomfortable. Certainty makes you ridiculous.
Why not question something for a change?
Genetic Literacy Project |
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ronnywhite
SFN Regular
501 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2005 : 18:17:06 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by R.Wreck
I almost forgot, the perfect song to lead off the memorial service with:
<blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">
Well, I went to the doctor...
... Let me break it on down:
It's the fucked up shit
-Warren Zevon, "My Shit's Fucked Up"
[/quote]
Good call, beats the hell outta' that ever-so-depressing organ music.
Frank Sinatra was buried with 2 things he really enjoyed in life- a pack of Camels and a pint of Jack Daniels. I don't care for either, but maybe they can ship some good vodka to the medical school for the anatomy class that does the hacking. |
Ron White |
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beskeptigal
SFN Die Hard
USA
3834 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2005 : 00:44:49 [Permalink]
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We had my Dad cremated and put his ashes in the river he liked to fish in. Now we can go to the river park instead of a cemetery to pay respects. Can't mention the river cause I'm not sure if there were any ordinances against putting remains there. We didn't ask.
I'd kind of like to try the cryo-freeze thing myself. Hey, if you could be revived in the future, why not? So you end up as the first experiment and things aren't too pleasant, that would be the worst that could happen. If you don't get revived some heirs are out a buck or two but then who cares about that?
If I don't have the money, I might go for dessication in some desert sand. Or how about a bog person? Maybe they could revive you from those states as well. Maybe you'd just get cloned and have no memory of self but then you wouldn't be around to care unless you got re-animated. |
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Dude
SFN Die Hard
USA
6891 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2005 : 01:37:24 [Permalink]
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quote:
After witnessing all of this, I told my wife that what we had just seen and heard was pretty much the exact opposite of what I would desire when I croak. There is to be no reverend, minister, priest, baghwan, imam, or any other self proclaimed holy man. There is to be absolutely no religious mumbo nor jumbo. There is to be a party, with good beer, and plenty of it. If possible, instead of being stuffed into a box and put on display like a salad bar, prop me up on a barstool with a stout in one hand and a stogie in the other. If anyone wants to say a few words, fine, but they better be entertaining. And do it at a golf course, not some house of depression with all the dark wood, organ music, and ghoulish guys in dark suits standing around looking somber.
I am going to have my body laid atop a 20foot tall pile of gasoline soaked lumber. Deep inside the pile of lumber will be several bales of some very fine, extremely THC laden, hemp. The conditions of my will state that anyone who wants to claim any portion of my worldly belongings must attend the burning.
There will, of course, be live music, free food, and several metric tons of beer.
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Ignorance is preferable to error; and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing, than he who believes what is wrong.
-- Thomas Jefferson
"god :: the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument." - G. Carlin
Hope, n.
The handmaiden of desperation; the opiate of despair; the illegible signpost on the road to perdition. ~~ da filth |
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