|
|
|
Bill scott
SFN Addict
USA
2103 Posts |
 Posted - 04/18/2006 : 12:48:00
|
I got this email this morning and found it to funny not to pass it on. Enjoy...
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers.They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer &
would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to
the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together
were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
The rest became known as 'girliemen.' Some noteworthy liberal
achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group
therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how
to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized
by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women
have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who
works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of
trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to
angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will
simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that
it will be forwarded immediately to other "true believers."
|
"Lets get one thing clear, Bill. Science does make some assumptions." -perrodetokio-
"In the end as skeptics we must realize that there is no real knowledge, there is only what is most reasonable to believe." -Coelacanth-
The fact that humans do science is what causes errors in science. -Dave W.-
|
|
|
Gorgo
SFN Die Hard
USA
5310 Posts |
 Posted - 04/18/2006 : 12:52:59 [Permalink]
|
| That is cute. |
I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears
But it's alright-
Jerry Garcia
Robert Hunter
|
 |
|
|
filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2006 : 13:03:24 [Permalink]
|
Gave me a chuckle. Thanks!
I don't drink much beer any more; prefer whiskey. And in June, I'm going to be barbecuing a whole hog for my son-in-law's family reunion. It will take almost all day and I will consume much more whiskey than is good for an innocent liberal.
Guess that makes me a Conservitive... 
|
"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
|
|
|
|
Bill scott
SFN Addict
USA
2103 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2006 : 13:18:42 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by filthy
Gave me a chuckle. Thanks!
I don't drink much beer any more; prefer whiskey. And in June, I'm going to be barbecuing a whole hog for my son-in-law's family reunion. It will take almost all day and I will consume much more whiskey than is good for an innocent liberal.
Guess that makes me a Conservitive...
I suupose I would call myself conservative on many issues if I was asked for a label. But man I found myself fitting into several of those sterotypes for liberal. I like imported beer, I like the designated hitter rule in baseball and I don't enjoy hunting one bit. So go figure...
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats
Oh BTW, I do not care at all for cats in anyway shape or form so I would be considered a neo-con on this one... |
"Lets get one thing clear, Bill. Science does make some assumptions." -perrodetokio-
"In the end as skeptics we must realize that there is no real knowledge, there is only what is most reasonable to believe." -Coelacanth-
The fact that humans do science is what causes errors in science. -Dave W.-
|
| Edited by - Bill scott on 04/18/2006 13:25:17 |
|
|
|
Cuneiformist
The Imperfectionist
USA
4955 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2006 : 13:45:47 [Permalink]
|
Tragically, some conservatives (you know-- the kind that listen to Rush all the time) would actually say that this more or less reflects reality! Alas.  |
|
|
|
Gorgo
SFN Die Hard
USA
5310 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2006 : 13:55:17 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by Cuneiformist
Tragically, some conservatives (you know-- the kind that listen to Rush all the time).....
In other words, those that really aren't very conservative about anything. |
I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears
But it's alright-
Jerry Garcia
Robert Hunter
|
|
|
|
filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2006 : 14:16:29 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by Bill scott
quote:
Originally posted by filthy
Gave me a chuckle. Thanks!
I don't drink much beer any more; prefer whiskey. And in June, I'm going to be barbecuing a whole hog for my son-in-law's family reunion. It will take almost all day and I will consume much more whiskey than is good for an innocent liberal.
Guess that makes me a Conservitive...
I suupose I would call myself conservative on many issues if I was asked for a label. But man I found myself fitting into several of those sterotypes for liberal. I like imported beer, I like the designated hitter rule in baseball and I don't enjoy hunting one bit. So go figure...
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats
Oh BTW, I do not care at all for cats in anyway shape or form so I would be considered a neo-con on this one...
Sorta demonstrates that political labels don't mean a hell of a lot, when you get right down to it.
When the last of my daughters left home, I ended up with their cat. She's very old now, and over the years I have become very fond of her. But I don't want another one.
|
"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
|
|
|
|
marfknox
SFN Die Hard
USA
3739 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2006 : 17:10:07 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare.
While I do enjoy raw fish and well-prepared tofu, I hate white wine (give me dark beer or scotch!), I like my red meat rare, I'm not so stupid as to buy domestic bottled water, much less imported, and I'm not all that fond of French food. Except the cheese. The cheese rocks.
So I guess this goes in line with liberal women having more testosterone. |
"Too much certainty and clarity could lead to cruel intolerance" -Karen Armstrong
Check out my art store: http://www.marfknox.etsy.com
|
|
|
|
pleco
SFN Addict
USA
2998 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2006 : 18:00:12 [Permalink]
|
quote:
While I do enjoy raw fish and well-prepared tofu, I hate white wine (give me dark beer or scotch!), I like my red meat rare, I'm not so stupid as to buy domestic bottled water, much less imported, and I'm not all that fond of French food. Except the cheese. The cheese rocks.
Hey, someone after my own heart!
I think sushi should be its own food group in the pyramid. |
by Filthy
The neo-con methane machine will soon be running at full fart. |
|
| Edited by - pleco on 04/18/2006 18:00:52 |
|
|
|
Chippewa
SFN Regular
USA
1496 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2006 : 19:53:24 [Permalink]
|
I got a little chuckle out of it. 
Of course, there are other kinds of "liberals" that the "neocon" types are currently blind too, (having long ago believed their own propaganda about "liberals.") But...some day...
 |
Diversity, independence, innovation and imagination are progressive concepts ultimately alien to the conservative mind.
"TAX AND SPEND" IS GOOD! (TAX: Wealthy corporations who won't go poor even after taxes. SPEND: On public works programs, education, the environment, improvements.) |
|
|
|
tw101356
Skeptic Friend
USA
333 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2006 : 21:39:28 [Permalink]
|
I manufacture my own domestic bottled water the hard way - in the kitchen, at the sink, by hand, one quart at a time. I use liter bottles, but I only put 32 ounces in them so as to resist the creeping onslaught of the ISO.
|
- TW
|
|
|
|
Bill scott
SFN Addict
USA
2103 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2006 : 05:00:31 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by filthy
quote:
Originally posted by Bill scott
quote:
Originally posted by filthy
Gave me a chuckle. Thanks!
I don't drink much beer any more; prefer whiskey. And in June, I'm going to be barbecuing a whole hog for my son-in-law's family reunion. It will take almost all day and I will consume much more whiskey than is good for an innocent liberal.
Guess that makes me a Conservitive...
I suupose I would call myself conservative on many issues if I was asked for a label. But man I found myself fitting into several of those sterotypes for liberal. I like imported beer, I like the designated hitter rule in baseball and I don't enjoy hunting one bit. So go figure...
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats
Oh BTW, I do not care at all for cats in anyway shape or form so I would be considered a neo-con on this one...
Sorta demonstrates that political labels don't mean a hell of a lot, when you get right down to it.
When the last of my daughters left home, I ended up with their cat. She's very old now, and over the years I have become very fond of her. But I don't want another one.
quote:
Sorta demonstrates that political labels don't mean a hell of a lot, when you get right down to it.
(bill) Your right, Filthy. I like the designated hitter rule in baseball and I am repulsed by big game trophy hunting while marf likes her red meat rare and then to wash it down with scotch. So what is in a label?
quote:
When the last of my daughters left home, I ended up with their cat. She's very old now, and over the years I have become very fond of her. But I don't want another one.
(bill) That is funny as I have two daughters and I am supporting a cat that has been in the family as well. It's funny that I say I don't like cats. My sister got a kitten for her twelfth birthday and left it at home when she moved out many years later. A few years back my mom was going to give him away as she had became allergic to him. I said I would take him as he had been in the family since he was kitten. Besides, he is one of those cats who does not know that he is cat. He comes when you call him and at 12 pounds he keeps the 45 pound dog in check. He is 15 years old and still goes outside every night to patrol his turf. I will keep him until his end and then I will not have any more cats. I guess when I really think about I do, sorta, like cats. I guess it is the whole litter box thing that turns me off to owning a cat.
|
"Lets get one thing clear, Bill. Science does make some assumptions." -perrodetokio-
"In the end as skeptics we must realize that there is no real knowledge, there is only what is most reasonable to believe." -Coelacanth-
The fact that humans do science is what causes errors in science. -Dave W.-
|
|
|
|
Siberia
SFN Addict
Brazil
2322 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2006 : 07:25:49 [Permalink]
|
| Aye! Nothing like eating raw fish. Though, I'll pass the rare steak and the French food with equal (dis)gust. And water is just... water. |
"Why are you afraid of something you're not even sure exists?"
- The Kovenant, Via Negativa
"People who don't like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn't have such funny beliefs."
-- unknown
|
|
|
|
trogdor
Skeptic Friend
198 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2006 : 15:12:33 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by Chippewa
I got a little chuckle out of it.
Of course, there are other kinds of "liberals" that the "neocon" types are currently blind too, (having long ago believed their own propaganda about "liberals.") But...some day...
Godthat was a good movie. Although I think I liked the comics better. Why yes, I am a dork, why do you ask? |
all eyes were on Ford Prefect. some of them were on stalks.
-Douglas Adams |
|
|
|
sts60
Skeptic Friend
141 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2006 : 18:46:15 [Permalink]
|
But man I found myself fitting into several of those sterotypes for liberal. ... I like the designated hitter rule in baseball
That doesn't make you a "liberal". That makes you a communist! 
I like red meat and white (and red) wine. I love cats... and dogs. I'm a firefighter (volunteer) and I have a French last name. I make my living in the military-industrial complex and I do most of the cooking at home. Does not compute! |
|
|
|
Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9688 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2006 : 21:31:32 [Permalink]
|
Since I found nothing in the story humorous though the irony was so thick you couldn't cut it with a diamond, I was considering moving it to the political folder. But then Valiant Dancer, the moderator of that forum would probably dump it back in the humor-folder. I though the post is so lame it isn't worth the trouble, so I think leave it where it is.
|
Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3
"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse
Support American Troops in Iraq:
Send them unarmed civilians for target practice..
Collateralmurder. |
|
|
 |
|
Topic Locked
