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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
 Posted - 12/03/2006 : 23:44:16
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Tony Blair evacuates troops, replaces them with "tranportees"
London, December 4, 2006 (The Times) -- In a bold move widely hailed as "thinking outside the carton," Prime Minister Tony Blair has evacuated the 7,200-strong British defence force from Iraq. He has not, however, reneged upon his promises to President Bush: The Government have rounded up 8,000 football hooligans to replace them, according to Mr Blair.
Rodney Fetterworth, foreground, leads football hooligans
as Mehdi Army riot police are overwhelmed and surrender
"This new force costs the Government practically nothing," said Mr Blair.
"First, we arrested hooligans at football venues all over the UK. Our good friends on the Continent were more than delighted to help, rounding up British hooligans at games there, as well. We then declared the hooligans to be legal transportees, under an Act of Parliament that dates back to the founding of the Botany Bay Colony."
The Prime Minister continued, "To economise, we transported the hooligans to Iraq on the same aircraft which were then used to bring our troops home. There was no requirement that we train, equip, pay, command, or supply this force. These hooligans are a tough breed that thrives independently by smashing and looting. They use anything that comes to hand for weapons. All we the Government needed supply was the initial beer, and lots of it."
"It's really a win-win-win-win situation," Blair smiled. "We get our troops back safely, we get rid of our hooligans, we help stabilise Iraq, and we keep our promise to the Coalition."
Mere hours after landing in Iraq, the hooligans had taken firm control even of areas where British defence forces had dared not patrol. They have now secured and stabilised Iraqi oil exports, under a new "Oil-for-Beer" program.
Iraqis themselves appear cautiously optimistic. One Basra male resident said, "Any change is welcome." A woman asked, "How could things become worse? I, for one, will give their rule a chance." An elderly man commented, "Insha'Allah, Iraq is becoming a safer place at last. All hail our new hooligan masters!"
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
Edited by - HalfMooner on 12/07/2006 13:39:57
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