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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 12/20/2006 : 18:04:25
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Jesus in flapjack; Mary in a tree stump. And now we hear about this: quote:
Fore Shame
Did the Vatican steal Jesus' foreskin so people would shut up about the savior's penis?
I mean, really! quote:
In 1983, as the residents of Calcata, a small town 30 miles north of Rome, prepared for their annual procession honoring a holy relic, a shocking announcement from the parish priest put a damper on festivities. "This year, the holy relic will not be exposed to the devotion of the faithful. It has vanished. Sacrilegious thieves have taken it from my home." Not since the Middle Ages, when lopped-off body parts of divine do-gooders were bought, sold, and traded, has relic theft been big news. But the mysterious disappearance of Calcata's beloved curio is different.
Unlike our so-common and venerated images in garbage, this item must have belonged to someone, somewhere, sometime. quote:
Even before its disappearance, the relic had a strange history. It was discovered in Calcata in 1557, and a series of miracles soon followed (freak storms, perfumed mists engulfing the village). The church gave the finding a seal of approval by offering a 10-year indulgence to those who came to venerate. Lines of pilgrims stretched from the church doors to beyond the walls of the fortress town. Nuns and monks from nearby villages and monasteries made candlelit processions. Calcata was a must-see destination on the pilgrimage map.
That is, until 1900. Facing increasing criticism after the "rediscovery" of a holy foreskin in France, the Vatican decreed that anyone who wrote about or spoke the name of the holy foreskin would face excommunication. And 54 years later, when a monk wanted to include Calcata in a pilgrimage tour guide, Vatican officials didn't just reject the proposal (after much debate). They upped the punishment: Now, anyone uttering its name would face the harshest form of excommunication—"infamous and to be avoided"—even as they concluded that Calcata's holy foreskin was more legit than other claimants'.
Sooo, the question arises -- stop snickering!: how do/did they know that it is a sacred skin, and how do they know that it came from the bleeding tallywhacker of a squalling Baby Jesus?
Just when you start to think you've about seen it all.......
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
 Posted - 12/20/2006 : 20:01:52 [Permalink]
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Jesus! This is funny stuff you found, Fil!
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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Ghost_Skeptic
SFN Regular
Canada
510 Posts |
Posted - 12/20/2006 : 22:56:29 [Permalink]
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Surely this is a hoax.
On the other hand I have ceased to be surprised by the silliness of the Catholic church. I recently discovered that the Bishop of Turin at the time the infamous shroud first appeared knew it was a hoax and said so at the time, yet the Vatican continued to insist it was real.
LMAO Even Mooner can't make up stuff like this. |
"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. / You can send a kid to college but you can't make him think." - B.B. King
History is made by stupid people - The Arrogant Worms
"The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism." - William Osler
"Religion is the natural home of the psychopath" - Pat Condell
"The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin, will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter" - Thomas Jefferson |
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beskeptigal
SFN Die Hard
USA
3834 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2006 : 00:07:21 [Permalink]
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That is unbelievable! What a story. Did any of the links explain why anyone would have kept the foreskin of an infant no one knew would make Jesus's claims later in life. Was it an adult circumcision? That only happens today when you convert to Judiasm AFAIK.
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beskeptigal
SFN Die Hard
USA
3834 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2006 : 00:09:48 [Permalink]
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Well apparently Slate links to the Wiki for the history.
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| Edited by - beskeptigal on 12/21/2006 00:10:03 |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2006 : 04:12:41 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by beskeptigal
Well apparently Slate links to the Wiki for the history.
Love this quote: quote:
According to the apocryphal Infancy Gospels, after Jesus' circumcision in a cave, Mary's midwife placed the foreskin in an alabaster jar filled with spikenard, a preservative, which she gave to her son, admonishing him "Guard well this jar of aromatic nard and do not sell it, even when they offer you 300 denarii".
"Maybe 500 denarii, though. Tell them that's wholesale, such a deal. Yeah, and don't drink it, either, son!"
And:quote:
According to 17th century theologian Leo Allatius (Leone Allacci), the foreskin may have divinely ascended to become the rings of Saturn.
If that tale is true, then Jesus wasn't crucified at all, but was he certainly must have been hung!
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
| Edited by - HalfMooner on 12/21/2006 04:55:10 |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2006 : 05:18:12 [Permalink]
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In all honesty, I thought this had to be a spoof at first. I had to do a little research before deciding not to put it in Humor -- where it would fit so nicely.
But is it so surprising, really? The trade in Christian, holy relics, which, I'm sure, began one bloody afternoon at Calvary Hill, thrives yet today. As long as there are people who blindly buy into such nonsense, and there are a teeming multitude of them, it will continue to prosper. Whether or not the merchandise came from some saint or other, or the robbing on an anonymous grave is an open question. Exactly how many fingerbones did St. Pancreas of Wherethehellever have, anyway? The fellow must have been a vertebrate octopus!
The James Ossuary is an excellent, modern example of such humbuggery.
So where is the foreskin now? Does the Vatican indeed have it? Or is it concealed in the closet of some devout burglar? We'll likely never know because if it does turn up, who is to say it's the original, one 'skin being pretty much like another.
Unless, of course.... Did the ancient Jews have a tattooing tradition?
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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