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NTS shuts down operations
Citing a dramatic fall off in belief in the paranormal and other forms of superstition, The North Texas Skeptics has reluctantly decided to cease operations as of the close of business today.
Interviewed at his office in a downtown Dallas high rise, NTS President Curtis Severns commented on the dramatic turn of events. "It appears we are a victim of our own success" he said. "Like last week I was at the MIOS creationist meeting talking to creationism guru Don Patton. He told me 'Well, I've heard enough. From what you say, this new Earth stuff is all wet. I'm going to tell my people the real facts tonight, and we'll see what comes from that.' That's not all" Curtis continued. He mentioned other instances that brought about the calamitous downfall of the NTS.

Right in the middle of one of the broadcasts of his highly rated "Crossing Over" show, spiritualist John Edward suddenly stood up and announced it would be the final episode. He cited a letter he had received from NTS VP Danny Barnett that clearly explained the futility of trying to contact the dead. "It made so much sense that I don't see how we can possible go on with this charade" Edward told his stunned audience. At press time Mr. Edward still has not announced what, if any, television offerings he has in mind for the future.

Citing detailed explanations of some basics of chemistry that they received from Mr. Barnett, a number of prominent advocates of homeopathy have recently announced they will abandon further futile attempts to obtain positive results from their research. "I don't know what I was thinking" homeopathy pioneer Jacques Benveniste stated in an announcement from his laboratory in the Paris suburbs. "Send medical properties of water by e-mail? I must have had rocks in my head." He announced he will join the race for mayor of Paris once he has completed the shutdown of his lab and paid off his current work force.

In the mean time, expensive office furniture can be seen being carried out of the once thriving NTS head offices. Former NTS office workers have been noted phoning up friends and relatives at Enron corporation to inquire about possbile job openings.

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John Edward suddenly stood up and announced it would be the final episode .... "It made so much sense that I don't see how we can possible go on with this charade" Edward told his stunned audience.

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Breaking news: NTS to remain open
Contrary to the workings of an April 1st prankster, the NTS will remain open for the foreseeable future.
The notice of the NTS' demise was posted in the Skeptical News section of the NTS Web site by a person or persons unknown late Monday, the first of April. The posting claimed that due to a sharp downturn in belief in the paranormal and other silly superstitions, the venerable North Texas Skeptics was closing its doors after fifteen years in operation.

The posting claimed that brilliantly convincing arguments by prominent NTS members had convinced young Earth creationists, homeopaths, and phony spiritualists of the folly of their ways. As a result of the loss of its principal source of business, the NTS was reported to be laying off scores of highly paid staffers and closing its plush offices in Dallas.

"We knew it was a hoax immediately" reported NTS Secretary John Blanton when he was reached by e-mail. "The very idea that all this foolishness would disappear just overnight is absurd." As proof of the continuing gullibility of people of all stripes, Mr. Blanton related how he, himself, was completely taken in during the day.

"I was driving home from work, listening to the news on NPR. The announcer was telling how the Bush Administration was proposing to extend Medicare coverage to people's pets. Everything would be covered: Basic medicine, grooming, even boarding. There was little opposition anywhere. Top government leaders were just trying to figure out how to come up with the funding to cover the $378 trillion annual cost."

"I was fuming, ready to storm up to my computer and dash off a scathing letter to the editor" Mr. Blanton related by e-mail. "If this weren't April first I would think this was some kind of joke" he concluded.

Mr. Blanton, who even as a child never believed in the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy, is noted as one of the most skeptical people in southeast Denton County.

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