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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 06/02/2008 : 07:43:28
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You find the damnedest things at PZ's place. This'll come in handy the next time I get witlessed at.
"A Guide to Christian Clichés and Phrases
May 29, 2008 by Daniel Florien
“Save sex for marriage.”
Translation: “If I can't have consequence-free sex, neither can you.”
Acceptable Response: “I pledge myself! Give me a promise ring!”
Unacceptable Response: “So how did that work out for you?” Or, “Where exactly does the Bible say that?”
“All you need to do to go to heaven is ask Jesus into your heart.”
Translation: “You're going to burn in hell if you don't say this prayer, little boy.”
Acceptable Response: “Dear Jesus, thank you for coming into my heart and saving me…”
Unacceptable Response: “Dear Jesus, where in the Bible do you tell us to ask you into our hearts? That seems kind weird. And why did the ancient world think the heart was the kidney? Hello? Can you hear me? I guess this is just a one-way intercom. How can I know if you're still around if you don't say anything back? Okay, if you're really there, appear to me right now in person like you did to Paul.”
“Amen”
Translation: “Say ‘amen' back to me!”
Acceptable Response: “Amen” or “Preach it!” combined with vigorous head nodding.
Unacceptable Response: “No!” Or, “Hmm…. That doesn't sound right.”
“What can I pray for you about?”
Translation: “Any juicy tidbits about your life I can spread through the prayer gossip grapevine?”
Acceptable Response: “Thanks for asking. You're so kind. My wife is having an affair, my brother is a drunk, and my dog can't control his sexual desires.”
Unacceptable Response: “Have you ever kept a prayer journal to see if you get more unanswered prayers than answered ones, or if your unasked prayers get answered just as much?"
Enjoy!
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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A translation guide to Christian clichs & stuff
