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MGreen
New Member
USA
2 Posts |
 Posted - 04/15/2010 : 00:24:23
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I need some advice
My wife and I are having an issue. We recently had our first daughter and my wife insists that we will not allow our daughter to believe in Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, etc... even though we were both raised to do so.
We are both christian and my wife will not allow our daughter to believe in Santa Claus for the first 7 years of her life because she thinks it will take away from the true meaning of Christmas and that she will not learn what Christmas is all about. Same with the Easter Bunny, and Easter.
I tell her, "Honey, why not let her believe for the first few years of her life, kids need that imagination. We can teach her what the holidays are all about but please don't forget she will have the rest of her life after she stops believing to fully understand what the holidays are all about"
She won't budge. Can anyone give me some advice, some good christian things to say to her to convince her that it will be ok and our daughter will turn out just fine if she believes in fictional characters.
Please help! Please!
Thank you in advance
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M. Green
Web Design/Hosting Guru |
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Gorgo
SFN Die Hard
USA
5310 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2010 : 00:52:57 [Permalink]
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| Why can't she have imagination without being lied to? |
I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears
But it's alright-
Jerry Garcia
Robert Hunter
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Starman
SFN Regular
Sweden
1613 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2010 : 01:29:34 [Permalink]
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Hi, MGreen, welcome to SFN!
Congratulations for getting your daughter!
I thing the big problem with your wifes approach is that it your daughter will miss out on a lot of fun. She will be left out of what the other kids around her enjoy, look forward to and talk about.
"There is no Santa!" comments will probably not make a kid popular among other kids and their parents.
Imagination and fantasies are natural for children and good for their creativity. Learning that some things are part of reality and that other things are make believe is an important part of growing up, but that does not make imaginary things bad.
I really recommend talking through all aspects of raising children with your wife as soon as possible. As you see it can be a really sensitive subject so it is good to make sure that you both are on the same page, before the situations arise.
I would also like to ask, what is "the true meaning of Christmas"? And for whom? Can't Christmas have multiple meanings?
Gorgo, I don't think that you never should lie to you kids. Teach them that they can always trust your word and that would be a lie in it self. When they eventually find out that you are not perfect they might start looking for another infallible truth sayer.
My kids can always count on me for my love, care and support, but not that what I say always is right. It great to see when they are able to outsmart me and figure out how things really are on their own. |
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Gorgo
SFN Die Hard
USA
5310 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2010 : 03:44:18 [Permalink]
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| The idea of infallibility is different than the idea of integrity, but that still leaves the question of why. Why do we need to lie to children in order for them to have imaginations. They can still have fun with the idea of Santa Claus without perpetuating the idea that he comes down your chimney. |
I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears
But it's alright-
Jerry Garcia
Robert Hunter
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 04/15/2010 : 03:51:05 [Permalink]
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Welcome to SFN MGreen!
As the doting father of two daughters and a couple of grand daughters, amongst other grand and great-grand rowdies, I sympathise with your plight. Little girls can be a trip!
As noted above, children lead wonderfully rich fantasy lives. There is nothing you can do to change this, and anyway, you'll find that they outgrow it all too soon. My advice is to enjoy it while you can. I never pushed the concept of Santa and the Giant, Mutant Lagomorph, nor did I discourage it. I just let it ride along and sure enough, it eventually had a natural and peaceful demise.
Answer all questions honestly as they come along, give her presents at Christmas time, and, whaddahell, maybe stash an egg or a dozen for her and her friends at Easter. Can't hurt and will be a little fun for you. In brief, just go with the flow -- and now you know as much about child rearing as I do.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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Gorgo
SFN Die Hard
USA
5310 Posts |
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Fripp
SFN Regular
USA
727 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2010 : 05:33:41 [Permalink]
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I know of at least one person whose parents, devout God-fearing people as you seem to be, also told her the truth about Santa; she now resents them for taking away the "magic" of that time of year. Especially when she, as a child, couldn't join with her friends in enjoying that magic. She hates when she hears other parents who do the same. And yes, she is still devoutly religious.
Just my 2 cents... |
"What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only 2-meters wide! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet! You have any idea what this is going to do to my credit?!?!"
"What? Oh, oh, 'just rebuild it'? Oh, real [bleep]ing original. And who's gonna give me a loan, jackhole? You? You got an ATM on that torso LiteBrite?" |
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Ebone4rock
SFN Regular
USA
894 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2010 : 09:16:38 [Permalink]
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I think that your wife has the perfect idea. It is good to hear about a Christian who desires to follow Christianity without resorting to any of the pagan mumbo-jumbo that has been mixed in the last couple of thousand years.
Good for her. Let us know how it turns out in about 20 years after there is time to reflect on the situation. |
Haole with heart, thats all I'll ever be. I'm not a part of the North Shore society. Stuck on the shoulder, that's where you'll find me. Digging for scraps with the kooks in line. -Offspring |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2010 : 13:10:36 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by Ebone4rock
I think that your wife has the perfect idea. It is good to hear about a Christian who desires to follow Christianity without resorting to any of the pagan mumbo-jumbo that has been mixed in the last couple of thousand years.
Good for her. Let us know how it turns out in about 20 years after there is time to reflect on the situation.
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Actually, it was the spreading of Christianity that "mixed in" its "mumbo-jumbo" into existing pagan cultures across Europe and beyond. Not that I care much about the particular flavor of the mumbo-jumbos involved. |
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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Robb
SFN Regular
USA
1223 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2010 : 19:05:58 [Permalink]
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I think that you both need to talk and eventually get on the same page. I have 2 daughters and my wife and I are Christians. We decided that we would do santa but we limited what santa brought to small gifts. The larger or more expensive gifts would come from us. We thought that the children should know the parents are taking care of them and not santa.
I would suggest that if you do not do santa to teach your children to respect other parenting choices and not spoil it for the other children.
I personally do not think that it is harmful. I have fond memories of santa and have never accused my parents of lying. My 2 cents.
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Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. - George Washington |
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard
3192 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2010 : 05:42:19 [Permalink]
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Man your wife has some balls, hold on to her! Seriously though, I agree with your wife, for different reasons. Santa and the Bunny are no different than Camel Joe. They are just tools to indoctrinate children into a religion they cannot possibly be able to analyse thoughtfully. There is only one reason I am aware of the details of Jesus's birth and death or am able to sing ten Christian songs word for word, that is the desire for presents and Easter eggs.
So my suggestion for a "good Christian thing to say to your wife" is this...
PRO 9:13 A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.
That should go well, if not just quote one of the hundreds of passages about justifiably murdering your wife or taking new wifes, that should shut her up. |
"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History
"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2010 : 06:50:31 [Permalink]
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I'm an unabashed accomodationist about Santa. I'm all for letting kids enjoy the myth all they like, while not actually lying to them about it. (My parents actively lied about Santa, and I don't think that did me any damage.)
The key here is to let the kids sort it all out for themselves, as part of growing up. Just as we all should be doing about the larger issue of religion. |
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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astropin
SFN Regular
USA
970 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2010 : 10:48:48 [Permalink]
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We celebrate Christmas in a completely non religious way. My kids believed in Santa Clause early on but I NEVER told them Santa was really real. When they were really young and asked I simply replied "what do you think?" As they got a little older (6-7ish) I could see they were really starting to think about it and right about that time my son starting saying things like "It's really you & mom isn't it?" I would reply, "what makes you think that?". Just a game I play to get them thinking about why they held the beliefs they did. He said he didn't think anyone could visit that many people in a single night.....I told him he was pretty sharp.
We still enjoy Christmas but there are no longer any illusions.....and it's still of course completely non religious. |
I would rather face a cold reality than delude myself with comforting fantasies.
You are free to believe what you want to believe and I am free to ridicule you for it.
Atheism:
The result of an unbiased and rational search for the truth.
Infinitus est numerus stultorum |
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard
3192 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2010 : 12:30:31 [Permalink]
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| Sorry Astro, thats just a lie by ommission, probably harmless however. Christ-mass Holy-day can never be completely non-religious. |
"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History
"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini |
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astropin
SFN Regular
USA
970 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2010 : 22:30:08 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by BigPapaSmurf
Christ-mass Holy-day can never be completely non-religious.
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Want to bet? |
I would rather face a cold reality than delude myself with comforting fantasies.
You are free to believe what you want to believe and I am free to ridicule you for it.
Atheism:
The result of an unbiased and rational search for the truth.
Infinitus est numerus stultorum |
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MGreen
New Member
USA
2 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2010 : 10:15:06 [Permalink]
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Alright, so I have read the informative information and I am leaning to the side of still wanting my daughter to believe in Santa. I however do not want to be the parent that says if you aren't good Santa is going to put coal in your stocking and things of that nature. I like most of you want my child to learn about Santa, believe on her own, and at the same time my wife and I teach her the true meaning of christmas.
Like I said above (I think) my arguement to her is "why not let her believe for the first years of her life. She will be able to learn the true meaning of christmas for the most part growing up as well but after she stops believing she will know fully the true meaning of christmas" and she doesn't budge. Maybe she holds resentment and thinks her parents lied to her. I think it was great. I loved having Santa come. I really liked the post that stated "I think that you both need to talk and eventually get on the same page. I have 2 daughters and my wife and I are Christians. We decided that we would do santa but we limited what santa brought to small gifts. The larger or more expensive gifts would come from us. We thought that the children should know the parents are taking care of them and not santa." by Robb
I want to convince her it's ok from a religious perspective. Can anyone help me out and give me some advice on what to say to her when I have the talk with her.
Thank you very much! |
M. Green
Web Design/Hosting Guru |
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I need help!
