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The Rat
SFN Regular
Canada
1370 Posts |
 Posted - 12/15/2014 : 21:15:04
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My mother passed away on Saturday, five days short of her 92nd birthday. She wasn't much for ceremony, at least not if it involved her. She could never understand why funeral processions were escorted through red lights; she always said "The guy in the box isn't in any hurry." Without going through a rehash of her life and times, let's just say that we're carrying on as normal, as she would want us to do.
I'm not one to tell anyone how to grieve. It's an intensely personal thing, and to tell anyone how to behave at such a time is, in my opinion, an incredibly insensitive insult. But as I said before, we are carrying on, because that's what she would have wanted. I have no belief that she's watching to make sure we do, no belief that she's anything other than a cremated pile of ashes. But I still want to honour her by doing as she wanted. We could weep and wail, or totally ignore any memorial service, we could act any way we wish. She will not know, she's dead.
So why do I feel like acting in accordance with what I think she would want? Like many of us, I had a religious influence in my childhood. (My parents weren't fanatical about it, all three children wound up as atheists.) Am I feeling a link to that religious past? Why do we often honour someone who has no say in it, and no knowledge?
Maybe I'm overthinking this. But I still find it interesting.
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Bailey's second law; There is no relationship between the three virtues of intelligence, education, and wisdom.
You fiend! Never have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the Church? - The Bishop of Bath and Wells, Blackadder II
Baculum's page: http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=3947338590 |
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Kil
Evil Skeptic
USA
13477 Posts |
Posted - 12/15/2014 : 23:02:23 [Permalink]
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My condolences.
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Uncertainty may make you uncomfortable. Certainty makes you ridiculous.
Why not question something for a change?
Genetic Literacy Project |
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Valiant Dancer
Forum Goalie
USA
4826 Posts |
Posted - 12/16/2014 : 06:39:39 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by The Rat
My mother passed away on Saturday, five days short of her 92nd birthday. She wasn't much for ceremony, at least not if it involved her. She could never understand why funeral processions were escorted through red lights; she always said "The guy in the box isn't in any hurry." Without going through a rehash of her life and times, let's just say that we're carrying on as normal, as she would want us to do.
I'm not one to tell anyone how to grieve. It's an intensely personal thing, and to tell anyone how to behave at such a time is, in my opinion, an incredibly insensitive insult. But as I said before, we are carrying on, because that's what she would have wanted. I have no belief that she's watching to make sure we do, no belief that she's anything other than a cremated pile of ashes. But I still want to honour her by doing as she wanted. We could weep and wail, or totally ignore any memorial service, we could act any way we wish. She will not know, she's dead.
So why do I feel like acting in accordance with what I think she would want? Like many of us, I had a religious influence in my childhood. (My parents weren't fanatical about it, all three children wound up as atheists.) Am I feeling a link to that religious past? Why do we often honour someone who has no say in it, and no knowledge?
Maybe I'm overthinking this. But I still find it interesting.
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First of all, my condolences on your loss.
Secondly, it isn't a nod to religion to want to honor the dead in a way you think that the deceased would approve of. It is a way that people who know the deceased can come together and remember them in an environment which reinforces that.
Thirdly, the ceremony isn't for the dead. Its to comfort the living left behind. Guy in the box is beyond caring. People behind need to grieve (and sometimes laugh at old memmories).
For instance, when it is my turn, on to the cookie sheet I go. Crackle crackle crackle (which is a bit of a shock if I'm not quite dead but quick). My ashes get scattered (I will not be embalmed). And the bereeved throw a party where they share funny stories and generally have a good time. Some of the most horrible musical mistakes of the 1980's will be played and there might even be that Japanese word meaning tone-deaf drunk. (Karioke)
YMMV |
Cthulhu/Asmodeus when you're tired of voting for the lesser of two evils
Brother Cutlass of Reasoned Discussion |
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moakley
SFN Regular
USA
1888 Posts |
Posted - 12/16/2014 : 07:33:02 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by The Rat
My mother passed away on Saturday,
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My condolences as well.
My mother died 11 months ago. I still miss calling her each week just to talk about nothing of much importance. |
Life is good
Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned. -Anonymous |
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Kil
Evil Skeptic
USA
13477 Posts |
Posted - 12/16/2014 : 11:34:13 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by moakley
Originally posted by The Rat
My mother passed away on Saturday,
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My condolences as well.
My mother died 11 months ago. I still miss calling her each week just to talk about nothing of much importance.
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Yeah. My mom died a couple of years ago, and I still get the impulse to call her and then it hits me. I'm not so sure that will ever go away, or if I even want it to. |
Uncertainty may make you uncomfortable. Certainty makes you ridiculous.
Why not question something for a change?
Genetic Literacy Project |
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sailingsoul
SFN Addict
2830 Posts |
Posted - 12/17/2014 : 20:39:19 [Permalink]
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My condolences too on your loss, Rat. Having lost my mother, I believe I can understand this time your going through.
Originally posted by The Rat
So why do I feel like acting in accordance with what I think she would want? |
Not to under think or state it, it's a way of softening the shock she's actually gone and it is a real way of saying good bye. That is what it meant to me, when I did the same. She's gone but what she would want is still possible, of sorts through your actions. It's the last time you can do for her as best you are able. While logic says one moment she was alive and then she is not. A mind needs to transition into that she's really gone. For many doing so does help get through a terrible loss. | Like many of us, I had a religious influence in my childhood. (My parents weren't fanatical about it, all three children wound up as atheists.) Am I feeling a link to that religious past? |
Not unless your thinking you might see her after you die you're not. | Why do we often honour someone who has no say in it, and no knowledge? |
It's another way of saying good bye and it helps bring emotional closure. It's how people get past death so they can move on.
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There are only two types of religious people, the deceivers and the deceived. SS |
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The Rat
SFN Regular
Canada
1370 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2014 : 11:59:54 [Permalink]
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All good points. Thanks.
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Bailey's second law; There is no relationship between the three virtues of intelligence, education, and wisdom.
You fiend! Never have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the Church? - The Bishop of Bath and Wells, Blackadder II
Baculum's page: http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=3947338590 |
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Mr Q
New Member
USA
14 Posts |
Posted - 02/22/2015 : 02:21:54 [Permalink]
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My heart shares the grief one feels when a loved one dies. Both my parents died after long illnesses and being their caretaker when alive, I was devastated when they died. Their passing due to doctor mis-diagnostics and down right inhuman care in several nursing homes nearly killed me. Its been 20 years now and I'm still grieving their loss.
We all grieve in our own way so there is no "right" way to do it. Our actions are based on our love of those we loose. No, its not so much a religious thing (the religious connection is just one more way to sooth us in our loss)but what our upbringing has taught us. I like the Egyptian belief of the deceased never completely being gone from the Earth as long as their name is spoken aloud. Their bodies may be gone but the memories of them help carry us on through life. |
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R.Wreck
SFN Regular
USA
1191 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2015 : 19:14:47 [Permalink]
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Condolences on your loss Rat.
I think we honor our loved ones' wishes out of respect. I know that when I kick the bucket I won't know what anyone did about it, but I hope they have the drunken party I requested. |
The foundation of morality is to . . . give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibliities of knowledge.
T. H. Huxley
The Cattle Prod of Enlightened Compassion
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Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9688 Posts |
Posted - 02/26/2015 : 10:53:31 [Permalink]
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I still feel the loss of a coworker, though it's been more than a year since he kicked the bucket from sudden illness.
He came to my country as a Palestinian Muslim refugee 15-20 years ago, but he was the most humble person I've ever met. I think more than 200 people attended his funeral, most of them Swedish.
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Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3
"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse
Support American Troops in Iraq:
Send them unarmed civilians for target practice..
Collateralmurder. |
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Is this some sort of religious hold-over?
