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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
 Posted - 08/03/2007 : 00:06:27
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Deity throws in the proverbial towel
Throne Chamber of Yahweh, Heaven, 2 Aug. 2007 (HNS) -- The rock group REM's song, "Losing My Religion" contains these lyrics:
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
The Lord God Yahweh today held a press conference, during which He announced His retirement, and said He's no longer religious.
Lord Yahweh fields questions from reporters.
Reading from a prepared statement, the Deity looked clear-eyed and vigorous in spite of his years, which are variously estimated between 6,000 and infinity.
"If a Person is fortunate, a time may come in Their life when They take stock, and re-evaluate the direction of Their lives. Last week, I took a break and walked alone upon the seashore, and reflected. I decided that for the last several thousand years, I had simply been too self-centered. This excessive ego had led to many calamities, smitings, plagues, stonings, floods, genocides, and crucifixions. At first, as I reflected upon this, I was tempted to pass it all off with a shrug, and with a muttered, 'Shit happens.'
God's former habits, from artwork by Larson.
"But then I realized that I needed to take responsibility for My actions. My life had for too long been all about Me. My ego had made Me all like, 'Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.' I've slaughtered people in huge numbers, even My Chosen People, to the tune of over two million in Biblical times alone. And it was all just to make people pay attention to me. I was like a little boy who uses the sun's light through a magnifying glass to to kill ants for fun. (In fact, that's literally what I did to Sodom and Gomorrah.) 'Look what I can do! Fear Me, worship Me, believe in Me!' I'm so ashamed now.
"So I am today abandoning the religion of Me, and retiring. If you are wise, you'll forget all about Me. I intend to spend the remainder of eternity traveling the cosmos, fishing, catching up on My reading, and maybe meeting some interesting entities. If I didn't know better, I'd call Myself an atheist now. From now on, I don't care if anyone worships Me, or even believes in Me. Sorry about all My cruel and jealous behavior. You're on your own. Farewell."
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
Edited by - HalfMooner on 08/03/2007 08:02:08
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 08/03/2007 : 03:34:31 [Permalink]
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'Bout time. Somebody younger should'a taken over at least six milinia ago, before the senile dementia had a chance to set in.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 08/03/2007 : 03:36:20 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by filthy
'Bout time. Somebody younger should'a taken over at least six milinia ago, before the senile dementia had a chance to set in.
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Hehe! Me, I hope there's no replacement.
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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Cuneiformist
The Imperfectionist
USA
4955 Posts |
Posted - 08/03/2007 : 03:40:51 [Permalink]
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God's press room sucks. The new God should remodel that place! Put some carpet it. Or something!  |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 08/03/2007 : 03:53:36 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by Cuneiformist
God's press room sucks. The new God should remodel that place! Put some carpet it. Or something!
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Yeah, it's pretty drab. Even the reporters look second-rate. And who are the two suits on the dais with Him? Are they supposed to be two of His angels?
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
| Edited by - HalfMooner on 08/03/2007 03:54:47 |
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moakley
SFN Regular
USA
1888 Posts |
Posted - 08/03/2007 : 04:30:11 [Permalink]
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| So Francis Farmer was wrong. |
Life is good
Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned. -Anonymous |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 08/03/2007 : 07:57:51 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by moakley
So Francis Farmer was wrong.
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Yup, as God showed her.
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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God loses it
