quote:

---

Damn, Snake, I knew you were kinda out of it, but that's almost ridiculous. Be glad, then, that you never heard of Milli Vanilli. <shudders>

---

Actually I do know who that is (one of them was cute, but don't know which one), I thought it was stupid that the press or whoever, made such a fuss about them being a phoney group. (As I recall it wasn't rap crap that they sung, was it? I only heard a bit of one song that kept playing over in the news)
Most all in the music business are hype as are the movies too. LOL, that's why I don't concern myself with it anymore. There's hardly any good talent around.
IMO, we are pushed into buying and listening to, in most cases crap that someone else, a proudcer not the public, thinks is good or was paid to promote.
Whoops, sorry.....way off the topic but it's something that buggs me. I hate when those idiot morons drive by blasting their radios, forcing it on people who don't want to be annoyed by loud noise as if THEY have the right to bother people. How would they like it if I played Beethoven's 5th so they could hear it 2 miles away?
Oh! And what do you mean 'kind of out of it', lol, just because someone isn't stupid enough to want to know about and waste money on pop 'American' culture, there are other things in the world.


* * * * * *
*Carabao forever.
-----------------
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease
to be amused.

quote:

---

How would they like it if I played Beethoven's 5th so they could hear it 2 miles away?

---

I think they might like it then. They just love the bass, you know.

quote:

---

Oh! And what do you mean 'kind of out of it'

---

Well, it's just that one of us here on SFN would make reference to something, you'd ask what it was and we'd explain it to you... In short, it was my fault. Sorry, man.

And you are weird, you know that, right?

</off topic>


Subject: Male or Female?

SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON -- male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting hit on.

SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up
- because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed
- because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS -- female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL -- female...Ha!...you thought I'd say male. But consider:
-It gives man pleasure;
-He'd be lost without it:
-And while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

And one more...

Sentient Meat

The setting is deep space, just beyond the range of Earth's best telescopes. The leader of the Fifth Explorer Force is speaking to the Commander in Chief...

They're made out of meat.

Meat?

Meat. They're made out of meat.

Just Meat?

There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat.

That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars.

They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines.

So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact.

They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines.

That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat.

I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in this sector and they're made out of meat.

Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage.

Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?

Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside.

Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through.

No brain?

Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat also.

So... what does the thinking?

You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat.

Thinking meat??? You're asking me to believe in thinking meat???

Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?

Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat.

Finally! Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years.

So what does the meat have in mind?

First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual.

We're supposed to talk to meat?

That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing.

They actually do talk then. They use words, ideas, concepts?

Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat.

I thought you just told me they used radio.

They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping a small opening of their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat.

Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?

Officially or unofficially?

Both.

Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we delete the records and forget the whole damn thing.

I was hoping you would say that.

It seems harsh, but there is a limit. I mean, do we really want to make contact with meat?

I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?

Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact.

So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe?

That's it.

Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?

They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them.

A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream.

And we can mark this sector unoccupied.

Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?

Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again.

They always come around.

And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone. What's say we get going.

-from Playboy Magazine

________________________
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Two more years...Two more years...Two more years...Two more years...Two more years...

*whine*

quote:

---

Oh! And what do you mean 'kind of out of it', lol, just because someone isn't stupid enough to want to know about and waste money on pop 'American' culture, there are other things in the world

---

quote:

---

I think they might like it then. They just love the bass, you know.

---

quote:

---

Keeps the bad puns coming Snake.
Lisa

---

I'm running out of them, but anything to help.

6. Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
Both crews were marooned.

quote:

---

Keeps the bad puns coming Snake

---

And what do you mean 'bad'?
Some of them are funny.

* * * * * *
*Carabao forever.
-----------------
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease
to be amused.