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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
 Posted - 09/08/2002 : 23:55:16 [Permalink]
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Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation.
The first guy says, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my wife flings her arms and hollers, '7 come 11' all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!"
The second guy says, "I know what you mean. My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers, 'Hit me light or hit me hard!' and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"
The third guy says, "You guys think you have it bad! My wife played the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each morning with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters." |
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welshdean
Skeptic Friend
United Kingdom
172 Posts |
Posted - 09/13/2002 : 05:38:20 [Permalink]
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I knew there was a good reason why i never went to church these days:
http://poetry.rotten.com/stained-glass/
I believe in nothing; only my scepticism kept me from being an atheist.
Edited by - welshdean on 09/13/2002 05:39:56 |
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welshdean
Skeptic Friend
United Kingdom
172 Posts |
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Hobbes
New Member
USA
34 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2002 : 10:21:59 [Permalink]
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Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today;
I think he's from the NSA
And Newton said, "y'= lim h->0 of [f(x+h)-f(x)]/[(x+h)-x], thus, Calculus was born, and Newton saw that it was good. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2002 : 19:27:46 [Permalink]
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quote:
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today;
I think he's from the NSA
And Newton said, "y'= lim h->0 of [f(x+h)-f(x)]/[(x+h)-x], thus, Calculus was born, and Newton saw that it was good.
Hobbes, I don't know what the NSA is but that Newton 'joke' is great. Thanks.
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*Carabao forever
*SAN FERNANDO VALLEY SECESSION - YES
www.CuriousCreations.com
*All lives are movie settings, it's what channel you're on that counts. Zatikia
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Lisa
SFN Regular
USA
1223 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2002 : 20:38:30 [Permalink]
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Snake, the NSA is a rather secretive US gov't agency. National Security Agency. Jokingly called No Such Agency.
We have enough youth. We need a fountain of smart. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2002 : 23:46:38 [Permalink]
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(Q) What's the best form of birth control after 50?
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(A) Nudity. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2002 : 23:49:29 [Permalink]
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(Q) Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
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(A) Because those men already have boyfriends.
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*Carabao forever
*SAN FERNANDO VALLEY SECESSION - YES
www.CuriousCreations.com
*All lives are movie settings, it's what channel you're on that counts. Zatikia
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2002 : 23:52:01 [Permalink]
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(Q) What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
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(A) A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2002 : 23:54:39 [Permalink]
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(Q) Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
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(A) Breasts don't have eyes.
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*Carabao forever
*SAN FERNANDO VALLEY SECESSION - YES
www.CuriousCreations.com
*All lives are movie settings, it's what channel you're on that counts. Zatikia
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 11/09/2002 : 16:03:57 [Permalink]
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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit? |
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Kilted_Warrior
Skeptic Friend
Canada
118 Posts |
Posted - 11/10/2002 : 17:31:04 [Permalink]
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the following are from a local funny magazine..
How do crazy people go through the forest?
they take the psycho path
Why don't blind people skydive?
because it scares the dog!
How do you get Holy water?
You boil the Hell out of it!
What do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids
Were these jokes funny or pathetic? You decide... |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 11/10/2002 : 21:33:01 [Permalink]
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quote:
How do crazy people go through the forest?
they take the psycho path
Were these jokes funny or pathetic? You decide...
Well, they made me laugh. But I don't know if that's saying much, I laugh at pretty much everything.
I too take the psycho path.
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 11/25/2002 : 00:37:14 [Permalink]
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A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients
to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to
respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to
be going well.
As the National Anthem started.......the doctor yelled,
"Up Nuts" And the patients complied by standing up.
After the Anthem...he yelled, "Down Nuts".
And they all sat back down in their seats.
After a homerun was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts".
They all broke out into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against
the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo
Nuts!!!" And they all started booing and cat calling.
Thinking things were going very well. . . the doctor
decided to go get a drink and a hot dog. . . leaving
his assistant in charge.
When he returned, there was a riot in progress.
Finding his assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the
world happened?"
The assistant replied, "Well everything was going
just fine until this guy walked by and yelled. . .
"PEANUTS" !
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2002 : 01:24:54 [Permalink]
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Helpful Hints
Helpful Hint #1
If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a jug of boiling water down your throat
and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
Helpful Hint #2
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables
by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
Helpful Hint #3
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary
one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you
put it on.
Helpful Hint #4
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl
makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in
an amusing manner.
Helpful Hint #5
An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps
makes a wonderful inexpensive vibrator.
Helpful Hint #6
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat
by simply pissing in the sink.
Helpful Hint #7
High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed
for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Helpful Hint #8
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will
prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep. |
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