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Piltdown
Skeptic Friend
USA
312 Posts |
 Posted - 08/23/2001 : 20:10:00 [Permalink]
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Humor? An interesting concept, I'll give it a try:
A history teacher in an American high school is quizzing her none-too-bright students. She tells the class, "I will read a quotation from history, you tell me the year it was said, and the name of the person who said it. First one is 'give me liberty or give me death.'"
Most of the students continue to stare glassy-eyed, but one, a Japanese youngster who has only recently come to the United States, instantly raises his hand and chimes, "That was Patrick Henry, 1770."
The teacher congratulates him and continues, "Next is 'I have not yet begun to fight.'"
Again, the American kids are clueless, but the Japanese boy raises his hand and exclaims, "that was John Paul Jones, 1778."
This goes on for a while, the teacher gets exasperated and declares, "Y'know, I am really embarassed about you American kids. You were born and raised here, but this young man from Japan, who has only lived here for six months, literally knows more about your history than all of you put together. I guess they are just smarter in Japan."
She turns to write something on the board. Somebody at the back of the room mumbles "F*** Japan."
The teacher spins around, livid, and demands, "Who said that? WHO SAID THAT?"
One of the American kids raises her hand and says, "Harry Truman, 1945."
Abducting UFOs and conspiring against conspiracy theorists since 1980. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
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bestonnet_00
Skeptic Friend
Australia
358 Posts |
Posted - 08/26/2001 : 00:56:59 [Permalink]
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Well if humour denotes higher intelligence then I must be pretty smart.
Radioactive GM Crops.
Slightly above background.
Safe to eat.
But no activist would dare rip it out.
As they think it gives them cancer. |
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Wendy
SFN Regular
USA
614 Posts |
Posted - 08/26/2001 : 08:32:26 [Permalink]
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Q: What happens when you give a lawyer Viagra?
A: He gets taller.
Wendy Jones |
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Espritch
Skeptic Friend
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2001 : 19:21:54 [Permalink]
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quote:
Humor is also a sign of higher intelligence, did you know that?
Three words: Larry, Curly, and Moe.
P.S. The french think Jerry Lewis was a genius 
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comradebillyboy
Skeptic Friend
USA
188 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2001 : 21:52:28 [Permalink]
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quote:
Hum! Humor is also a sign of higher intelligence, did you know that?
Try this:
How many religious people does it take to change a light bulb?
very cute. snake, i am beginning to have serious concerns about the state of your immortal soul. keep moving in this direction and soon you will have fallen away from the church completly.
comrade billyboy |
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James
SFN Regular
USA
754 Posts |
Posted - 08/28/2001 : 18:28:43 [Permalink]
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quote:
very cute. snake, i am beginning to have serious concerns about the state of your immortal soul. keep moving in this direction and soon you will have fallen away from the church completly.
Isn't that a good thing? 
The way I see it, christians are godless too...they just don't know it yet. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2001 : 00:31:17 [Permalink]
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quote:
keep moving in this direction and soon you will have fallen away from the church completly.
comrade billyboy
What church?
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Piltdown
Skeptic Friend
USA
312 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2001 : 16:14:06 [Permalink]
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Many years ago, a bright but unsophisticated youth from West Texas was admitted to Harvard. Naturally, he got lost his first day on campus. He recognized a group of upper classmen by their sweaters and approached them for directions:
"'Scuse me, I'm lost here. Can y'all tell me where the library's at?"
One of the seniors looked down his long patrician nose and smirked, "Of course, my good man," he said, "but first, this is HARVARD, and here at HARVARD we do not end a sentence with a proposition."
The Texan thought for a second and responded, "Ok, where's the library at, ASSHOLE?"
Abducting UFOs and conspiring against conspiracy theorists since 1980. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 09/01/2001 : 23:49:37 [Permalink]
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Think before you wish...
A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said, shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than I am."
The fairy picked up her wand and boom!
He was 90.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2001 : 20:47:24 [Permalink]
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I don't know who Matt Barry is but this is a good line:
"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
-- Matt Barry
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2001 : 20:52:34 [Permalink]
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quote:
[font=Arial][size=3]
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference
Shame on you NubiWan, you are a reposter.
Check out page 2 of this folder.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2001 : 23:24:31 [Permalink]
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Some Slightly Misspelled Foreign Phrase Translations:
HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?
Can you drive a French motorcycle?
EX POST FUCTO
Lost in the mail
IDIOS AMIGOS
We're wild and crazy friends!
VENI, VIPI, VICI
I came, I'm a very important person, I conquered.
COGITO EGGO SUM
I think; therefore I'm a waffle.
RIGOR MORRIS
The cat is dead.
RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID
Honk if you're Scottish.
QUE SERA SERF
Life is feudal.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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NubiWan
Skeptic Friend
USA
424 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2001 : 11:26:01 [Permalink]
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Opps!  So this is where me found it, danmed good yuck, thou, Snake. Hope me didn't find this one here, too...
A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. "I know," he says, "they say you can't take it with you. But who knows? Suppose they're mistaken. I'd like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an envelope containing one hundred thousand dollars and I would be grateful if at my funeral you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that it's useful, I'll have something." They each agree to carry out his wish.
Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is seen slipping something into the coffin. After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and says, "Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, at the hospital we are desperate because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CATSCAN machine broke down and we haven't be able to get a new one. So, I took $20,000 of our friend's money for a new CAT SCAN and put the rest in the coffin as he asked."
At this the priest says, "I, too, have a confession to make. As you know, our church is simply overwhelmed by the problem of the homeless. The needs keep increasing and we have nowhere to turn. So I took $50,000 from the envelope for our homeless fund and put the rest in the coffin as our friend requested."
Fixing the other two in his gaze, the lawyer says, "I am astonished and deeply disappointed that you would treat so casually our solemn undertaking to our friend. I want you to know that I placed in his coffin my personal check for the full one hundred thousand dollars."
"If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities." -Voltaire
Edited by - NubiWan on 09/05/2001 01:44:53 |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2001 : 21:53:45 [Permalink]
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quote:
Opps! So this is where me found it, danmed good yuck, thou, Snake. Hope me didn't find this one here, to
...NubiWan
'so K  Nubi, just don't let it happen again, ha ha.
Hey, although I think I did hear this one (A very wealthy man) somewhere before, it was pretty funny, thanks,
nlm
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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