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gdaye
New Member
Canada
18 Posts |
 Posted - 09/06/2001 : 11:37:36 [Permalink]
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There was a biology student who was studying equilibrium in sea birds with a specific focus on terns. He proposed that giving measured doses of THC (from, of course, marijuana) and observing their flight patterns would give some insight to the problems of equilibrium in three dimensional space.
This proposal being given in a more liberal era, the student got the funding. He filled out mountains of forms, set up a lab with a ready supply of terns, and proceeded on his way. After a year of diligent work, groveling
monthly before the review committee to get his stipend, and living with drugged terns, he completed his study.
With trembling hands, he delivered his 47-page report, complete with charts and graphs, to the review committee. The august body peruses his study, asking penetrating questions and reducing our student to jell-o. Finally, the department head rises. The light reflects off her steel rimmed glasses as she stares down at our student.
"There is a lot of good work here," she says. "But we can't accept this report.
You have detailed marvelously the effects of THC on terns but you forgot one essential step: you have no control group." Our student turns pale and says, "You don't mean..."
"Yes. I'm afraid so. You left no tern unstoned."
Nolle Illegitimus Carborundum |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 09/27/2001 : 22:31:01 [Permalink]
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Q: Why can't you circumcise Osama bin Laden?
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*see below for answer*
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A: There's no end to that towel-wrapped prick!
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Zandermann
Skeptic Friend
USA
431 Posts |
Posted - 10/02/2001 : 19:57:35 [Permalink]
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here's a site detailing the latest suspects in the terrorist attacks: The Daily Probe.
Someone has *way* too much spare time |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 10/06/2001 : 18:13:27 [Permalink]
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From a forwarded email sent by a friend:
As time passes and we put them into perspective, the Clinton years will be remembered for a number of things including:
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta announces that Clinton has proven once and for all that you can get sex from aides.
Gennifer Flowers, asked if her relationship with Clinton was anything like Monica Lewinsky's, replies, "Close, but no cigar."
The FBI coins a technical term for the stains found on Monica's dress:
"Presidue."
Clinton announces that he will employ interns from only four colleges: Moorhead, Oral Roberts, Ball State, and Brigham Young.
Arkansas points out that, while the state is somewhat embarrassed, it still can be proud of the fact that, with all these women who came forward, not one is Clinton's sister.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 10/07/2001 : 15:35:20 [Permalink]
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quote:
Arkansas points out that, while the state is somewhat embarrassed, it still can be proud of the fact that, with all these women who came forward, not one is Clinton's sister.
Those poor people from Arkansas, they must think they are being picked on.
Here's another:
Just to be sure
A couple of Arkansas hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think my friend is dead -- what do I do?"
The operator in a calm voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help.
First, let's make sure he is dead."
There is silence, then a gun shot is heard. The guy comes back on the line
and says, "Ok , now what?"
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NubiWan
Skeptic Friend
USA
424 Posts |
Posted - 10/07/2001 : 18:54:37 [Permalink]
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Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom. The other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. Later, at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!
"IMPOSSIBLE !!", said the groom broom.
We haven't even swept together!
Altogether now, Groooan.... 
"If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities." -Voltaire |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 10/07/2001 : 21:03:56 [Permalink]
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quote:
Altogether now, Groooan....
[/size=3][/font=Arial]
LOL, ah, that wasn't so bad, Nubi. As much as I HATE the thought of marriage AND kids, that was cute.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Lisa
SFN Regular
USA
1223 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2001 : 11:17:13 [Permalink]
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Moral question
I have a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation, but thinking about it will provide insights into your internal ethic proclivities.
The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies
compromised and structures destroyed.
Let's say that you're a photographer, getting still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes.
You come across Osama Bin Laden who has been swept away by the floodwaters.
He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and is about to go under. You can either put down your camera and save him, or take a
Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb.
So, here's the question, and think carefully before you answer it:
Which lens would you use?
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2001 : 16:00:32 [Permalink]
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quote:
Moral question
I have a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation, but thinking about it will provide insights into your internal ethic proclivities.
The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies
compromised and structures destroyed.
Let's say that you're a photographer, getting still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes.
You come across Osama Bin Laden who has been swept away by the floodwaters.
He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and is about to go under. You can either put down your camera and save him, or take a
Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb.
So, here's the question, and think carefully before you answer it:
Which lens would you use?
LOL
I'd need to know how far away he is. If too far I'd use a long lens to get the best shot of the look on his face just as he goes under.
I know that's not a humorus answer but I hate that bastard.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2001 : 22:00:22 [Permalink]
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Did you hear about the dumb blond who took back a scarf because it didn't fit?
She said it was too tight.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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ZaphodBeeblebrox
Skeptic Friend
USA
117 Posts |
Posted - 10/15/2001 : 22:35:29 [Permalink]
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quote:
The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies
compromised and structures destroyed.
Is it just me, or does this Joke just seem to beg for this one:
Osama bin Laden is drowning, and he is rescued by a little boy. Osama tells him that because of his gratitude, that the little boy, can have anything that he wants. The only thing that the boy wants, of course, is that Osama doesn't tell his Mother, what he's done.
If you Ignore Your Rights, they WILL, go away. |
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James
SFN Regular
USA
754 Posts |
Posted - 10/26/2001 : 07:16:04 [Permalink]
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A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in "P...E...N...I...S".
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: ***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***
"Hey Butt-Head check this book out! There's a talking snake, a naked chick, then some guy puts a leaf on his SCHLONG!!" [Beavis and Butt-Head Do America] |
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James
SFN Regular
USA
754 Posts |
Posted - 11/06/2001 : 05:31:32 [Permalink]
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Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the maintenance crew's response.
Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Reply: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough."
Reply: "Auto-land not installed on this aircraft."
Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Reply: "Something tightened in cockpit."
Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Reply: "Evidence removed."
Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Reply: "Live bugs on order."
Problem: "Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 fpm descent."
Reply: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Reply: "That's what they're there for."
Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Reply: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
"Hey Butt-Head check this book out! There's a talking snake, a naked chick, then some guy puts a leaf on his SCHLONG!!" [Beavis and Butt-Head Do America] |
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gezzam
SFN Regular
Australia
751 Posts |
Posted - 11/06/2001 : 06:13:50 [Permalink]
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. After some idle chat to the barman he notices a large jar of money behind the bar. "What's the deal with that?" he asks the Barman. The Barman replies, "well, we have a horse out the back, if you can make him laugh, you get the money." "O.K" replies the guy, he heads out the back and about five minutes later, everyone in the bar hears the horse pissing itself laughing. The guy walks out, finishes his beer takes the money and leaves.
About six months late he walks into the same bar and orders a beer again, noticing the jar is full of money again. He asks "What do I have to do now to win the money", to which the bartender replies "well, you have to make the horse cry" O.K replies the guy, walks out the back and five minutes later everyone in the bar hears the horse balling his eyes out. The guy walks out, finishes his beer takes the money and leaves. Just as he gets to the door the astonished bartender asks "What the hell did you say to the horse?" To which the guy responds "The first time I told him that my willy was bigger than his, the second time I showed him"
"Damn you people. Go back to your shanties." --- Shooter McGavin |
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Trish
SFN Addict
USA
2102 Posts |
Posted - 11/07/2001 : 13:45:48 [Permalink]
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James, not A799able ones there.
(For the majority [all maybe] of you who don't know - an A799 is the code used when we techs decide that the pilot is full of BS so we use it saying there is No Maintenance Required. They took away our Pilot Error codes - guess we used it tooooooo often.)
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. -Mark Twain |
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