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Donnie B.
Skeptic Friend
417 Posts |
 Posted - 09/07/2001 : 05:34:59
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The scene: mid-morning on a lunar maria. Overhead, a lunar module appears and descends slowly, hovers for a moment on its invisible engine exhaust (kicking up linear rays of loose material), then settles onto the surface. There is a small but unimpressive crater underneath the lander.
Inside the cabin, two people can be seen moving about, preparing for an EVA. They are:
Randi L: a young woman, the Command Module pilot.
Fife: a middle-aged man, who was selected for this mission not by NASA but by a committee of Hoax Believers, on the basis of his staunch incorruptibility in the face of Evil Government lies and oppression.
The action opens as Randi L. helps Fife put on his helmet.
Randi: There, you're all sealed in. Radio working OK? Good. Now don't fiddle with the PLS controls or seals, all right? Give me a sec to get myself latched up and we'll go out.
Fife: I don't know why you're bothering with all this rigamarole. The farce will be over in a few minutes anyhow. By the way, how did you fake the zero-G for three days? That was pretty impressive. Oh, I know -- the Vomit Comit. You just put me to sleep during the ascent phases. Or maybe some sort of anti-centrifuge.
Randi: [sighs] OK, I'm dumping the cabin pressure... done. I'll go down first, okay?
Fife: Whatever. [He works his way through the hatch and follows Randi down the ladder. He bounces around a bit once he's off the LM's footpad until he gets the knack.] Hey, not bad. How'd you manage to hook the wire on? [He tries to reach above and behind him, but the stiff suit won't allow enough range of motion to grasp the "wire".]
Randi: Hey, Fife, check this out! [She kicks the lunar soil, which arcs rapidly back to the surface in a ballistic trajectory, without billowing.]
Fife: you can't fool me that easily. You just wet down the dirt. Same way you got it to hold the bootprints. See? [He points down at his tracks, as if he's proved something important.]
Randi: [sighs again] Well, at least come and help me unpack the rover. See how it's all folded up in this equipment bay?
Fife: Tricky. Though I doubt they had the technology to do that 30 years ago. Besides, when you're using a crane to land, you don't have to worry about little things like weight and fuel. [The two manage to wrestle the rover out and unfold it.]
Randi: Say, Fife, look there! See how the shadow of the lander kinda heads off that way [gestures] and then dips down there into that little crater? And how it seems to change angles?
Fife: You set that up to try to make a fool of me. It won't work. Besides, look at it from over here. No bend in the shadow. [He turns and cranes his neck to look up at the sky.] Ha! Just as I suspected. No stars!
Randi: Of course not, silly, you're looking almost straight at the sun!
Fife: The spotlight, you mean. Good job hiding the tower.
Randi: Please be careful, the visor can't screen out all the harmful radiation.
Fife: As if you cared. You people have killed three astronauts and who knows how many other folks.
Randi: Hey! I resent that.
Continued...
-- Donnie B.
Brian: "No, no! You have to think for yourselves!" Crowd: "Yes! We have to think for ourselves!"
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