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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 05/04/2005 : 06:09:49
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You just can't make this stuff up. I know; I've tried, but no matter how outrageously I've written, I just can't compete with The Clueless.
quote:
In 2003 my mom and dad got rid of ALL my Pokemon stuff because of your fucked up PARODY article! Around $2000 gone! You bastards should be ashamed! May you burn in hell you fucked up piece of shit. How could you disrespect a good fuckin man who lived a great life like the pope?
09.13.2003
R.I.P Pokemon Stuff
I hold no grudges though, because you'll be in hell for all of eternity anyway! You assholes are in for it when you die! I should, and think I will, SUE YOUR ASSES for whatever the fuck you have!
Happy death fuckas! -Sasuke
Evidently, this one gets it, more or less anyway, but Mom and Dad are on Starship Woo-Woo.
Lawsey, lawsey....
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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Dude
SFN Die Hard
USA
6891 Posts |
 Posted - 05/04/2005 : 10:08:22 [Permalink]
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I love Landover.
It has been around for years, and I am always amazed at the people who continue to fall for it.
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Ignorance is preferable to error; and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing, than he who believes what is wrong.
-- Thomas Jefferson
"god :: the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument." - G. Carlin
Hope, n.
The handmaiden of desperation; the opiate of despair; the illegible signpost on the road to perdition. ~~ da filth |
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard
3192 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2005 : 10:48:28 [Permalink]
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| They fall for it because they expect such idiocy from the far right Christians. |
"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History
"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini |
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Ricky
SFN Die Hard
USA
4907 Posts |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2005 : 11:33:18 [Permalink]
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It used to be even better, but they've done away with such features as Surfing the Web with Judy O'Christian and the Guest Book. The Guest Book was offered as not a message board for demons. And of course, we demons abused it badly and often hilarously. Then the idiots showed up with silliness and they blocked it out. Can't really blame 'em, I guess.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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beskeptigal
SFN Die Hard
USA
3834 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2005 : 01:46:37 [Permalink]
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This came to mind, and I think it was serious rather than satire. My son and his friends went out and bought Count Dracula cereal as soon as they heard. [chuckle chuckle]
http://www.studentmax.co.uk/board/showtopic/26198quote:
This is a letter from a local church in my town about teenagers and what they are turning in to (well i found it pretty amusing!)
St. Mary's Catholic Church
If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your
child may have gone astray from the Lord.
Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:
- Frequently wears black clothing.
- Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
- Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
- Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic worshipping symbols.
- Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
- Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
- Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically.
- Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such
as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
- Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic,
the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
- Takes drugs.
- Drinks alcohol.
- Is suicidal and/or depressed.
- Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
- Complains of boredom.
- Sleeps too excessively or too little.
- Is excessively awake during the night.
- Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
- Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
- Spends large amounts of time alone.
- Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
- Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
- Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and
elders are but a few examples of this.
- Misbehaves at school.
- Misbehaves at home.
- Eats excessively or too little.
- Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
- Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood.
(Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
- Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
- Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
- Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
- Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
- Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
- Expresses an interest in sex.
- Masturbates
- Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
- Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
- Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
- Claims to be a goth.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2005 : 02:25:05 [Permalink]
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Heh, show me a teen that many if not most of those don't apply to, and I'll show you a dead or comatose kid.
Isn't it supposed to be Count Chocula cereal? I'm not really up to speed on these things, but I'm pretty sure it's 'Chocula' rather than 'Dracula.'
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2005 : 08:31:47 [Permalink]
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It's Count Chocula.No breakfast cereal character has the charisma of Count Chocula. Even though he only has one fang, all other characters hide in fear of the Count's blood sucking ability. The only other character that could ever match up to Chocula is Tony the Tiger. I think if the two ever met in a dark alley, the fight would be close, but even then I don't see Tony being too Grrrrreat with a puncture wound in his neck from the Count's vicious bite. And it's pretty obvious to me that the author(s) of that list are completely clueless about both vampires and teenagers. |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2005 : 09:32:19 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave W.
It's Count Chocula.No breakfast cereal character has the charisma of Count Chocula. Even though he only has one fang, all other characters hide in fear of the Count's blood sucking ability. The only other character that could ever match up to Chocula is Tony the Tiger. I think if the two ever met in a dark alley, the fight would be close, but even then I don't see Tony being too Grrrrreat with a puncture wound in his neck from the Count's vicious bite. And it's pretty obvious to me that the author(s) of that list are completely clueless about both vampires and teenagers.
Yeh, I had to go through it a couple of times, and it still feels a little like spoof. But probably not; some (many) of the religious right think in exactly these terms.
quote:
- Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood.
(Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
Well, as I am the only one in the family that likes boudins noir, I guess I'm the only vampire. This will come as a something of a suprise to the younger grands, who dote upon all things Dracula except leeches and mo-skeeters. 
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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pleco
SFN Addict
USA
2998 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2005 : 09:44:40 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by beskeptigal
- Expresses an interest in sex.
- Masturbates
- Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
Oh yeah, that's right, being gay or just interested in sex is a mental disease.  Why send them to a mental health center though? Why not just send them to church? How is a mental health center going to be able to deal with the Dark One and His Minions? |
by Filthy
The neo-con methane machine will soon be running at full fart. |
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bloody_peasant
Skeptic Friend
USA
139 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2005 : 10:31:56 [Permalink]
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| boudins noir is that blood pudding? I had that once and liked it fairly well. Kinda spicy it was. Had it in Paris along with goat meat. Was that double whammy of evilness in one meal or what? |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2005 : 11:29:57 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by bloody_peasant
boudins noir is that blood pudding? I had that once and liked it fairly well. Kinda spicy it was. Had it in Paris along with goat meat. Was that double whammy of evilness in one meal or what?
Yup. It don't get no better on the Dark Side, and the Light Side just ain't hip.
It depends on who makes it as to how it tastes. The French especally, put all sorts of goodies in with the blood. I myself favor sauteed onion and garlic, and chili peppers. I also like to put a scattering of sunflower seeds and just a faint whisper of ground clove in it, and I usually back off a bit on the fat. Don't want it greasy. Then I stuff it in a hog case.
It goes great with dirty rice, as well as goat.
Mmmmmm.....
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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R.Wreck
SFN Regular
USA
1191 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2005 : 18:46:17 [Permalink]
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quote:
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately.
Holy shit! I'm a goth! And I didn't even know it! Good thing these guardians of virtue are here to sound the alarm. Let's see now, how should I intervene with myself? |
The foundation of morality is to . . . give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibliities of knowledge.
T. H. Huxley
The Cattle Prod of Enlightened Compassion
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26022 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2005 : 19:13:11 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by R.Wreck
Holy shit! I'm a goth!
Yeah, me too.quote:
Let's see now, how should I intervene with myself?
Given all the teen angst I've just discovered (which apparently has built up over the last 20 years, without me knowing it), I'm far too disrespectful of myself as an authority figure for any sort of intervention to work. I'm a lost cause. I think it's a real shame I didn't see this potential for Satanism in myself earlier, when I might have had a fighting chance to correct myself. |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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Randy
SFN Regular
USA
1990 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2005 : 19:49:21 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by BigPapaSmurf
They fall for it because they expect such idiocy from the far right Christians.
The wackos writing in....some must be on the Kansas State Board of Education.
Hm....'Board/Bored'...either way. |
"We are all connected; to each other biologically, to the earth chemically, to the rest of the universe atomically."
"So you're made of detritus [from exploded stars]. Get over it. Or better yet, celebrate it. After all, what nobler thought can one cherish than that the universe lives within us all?"
-Neil DeGrasse Tyson |
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beskeptigal
SFN Die Hard
USA
3834 Posts |
Posted - 05/06/2005 : 01:25:29 [Permalink]
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It was Chocula cereal the kids bought. I'm pretty sure the article was serious but one can never be too certain these days.
I did think we got over that 'masturbation is evil' silliness a while back but apparently not. That particular one on the list blows me away.
Another memory returned in this vein. I have a pamphlet I saved from my high school days called, "The Psychedelic Trap". Besides the LSD stories in it that are absurd there is an account of a guy who supposedly smoked 2 marijuana cigarettes, jumped out of a 2 story window, broke into the apartment below, ate a canary, and, I kid you not, choked to death on the feathers. The pamphlet goes on to say, "If the canary hadn't been there he might have killed his mother". It was unquestionably a serious pamphlet. I'll have to dig it out but I think Art Linkletter was involved in its creation.
Sorry, back to the OP. I just got sidetracked here with incredible but true stories. |
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