|
|
|
James
SFN Regular
USA
754 Posts |
 Posted - 11/16/2001 : 20:08:42
|
The Sun is a tabloid magazine here in the US. In fact, one of it's editors died during the anthrax attacks.
Anyway, in their latest issue they printed 100 prophecies from, in their words, "the world's top seers, astrologers, scientists, & psychics!"
Here they are:
[blue]
From Germano De Oliveria-
- The FBI will uncover a major cache of bio-technology weapons in a warehouse in Kansas City, leading to the arrest of seven key terrorists operating in the US.
- The war on terrorism will forge new ties of friendship between America and Russia. A trade agreement signed in December will boost the economies of both countries.
- A high-ranking State Department official will be exposed as an Iraqi secret Agent nullifying years of nefarious underground activity.
- In an effort to boost the sagging tourism industry, Florida will provide free airfare to anyone wanting to vacation in the Sunshine State.
- J-Lo</font color>(Jennifer Lopez)[blue] will record a version of the National Anthem that will raise more than $1 billion for the families of firefighters killed when the WTC towers collpased.
- An attempt to clone ObL from one of his beard hairs will be thwarted by U.S. troops in Afghanistan.
- An apparition of General Robert E. Lee will materialize over the Pentagon, providing a solution to a problem that's been plaguing Defense Department planners.
- 8 billion dollars in gold & diamonds will be discovered in teh ruins of WTC. When no one claims the treasure, it'll be allocated to pay for the war effort.
- Scientists working on an antidote for anthrax infections stumble upon a cure for Alzheimer's disease.
- Congress will enact special legislation allowing prayers for America's safety to be said in every school in the nation.
- A secret American wife of ObL will come forward with info that will cripple his international terrorist network.
- American commandoes operating in Afghanistan will uncover a letter written by Jesus Christ to his mother Mary.
- A former KGB chief operative will be exposed as the real mastermind behind international terrorism.
- A plot to assassinate Dubya will be uncovered in teh nick of time by Dan Rather.
- Megadoses of vitamin C will be found to boost the immune system and protect against anthrax infection.
- A nationwide anti-small pox innoculation program will have the astonishing side-effect of increasing the average life span by 11 years.
- Terrorists connected to ObL will be discovered to have more than $2 billion stashed in bank accounts across America. The money will be seized and earmarkedfor Social Security.
</font color>
More later...   
"Necessity may be the mother of invention, but laziness is usually the father." -Bailey's First Law
Edited by - James on 11/16/2001 20:11:29
|
|
|
Trish
SFN Addict
USA
2102 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2001 : 02:53:24 [Permalink]
|
Well, guess we can tell he's a fundamental xian. Though with the way things are going pretty soon prayer will be mandated in the schools. The rest is just hooey!
Oh, BTW, congress wants to make Gawd BLess America the national Hymn. Check out HR3501 (I think that's the number.)
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. -Mark Twain |
 |
|
|
filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2001 : 05:31:31 [Permalink]
|
I LOVE the SUN!! The only fishwrap superior to it is the Weekly World News.
Unfortunatly, I never get to read more than the front page of either. I lack the nerve to actually buy a copy.
On the other hand, many of those with the moral fortitude to put their money down have such a short attention span that most of the predictions are forgotten even before they fail to pan out.
And they missed a good one: I read where Bush is going to name an airport after RFK.
Ah well, Maybe there just wasn't enough column space. Ya can't put in everything, now can you.
(Chuckle)
f
The more I learn about people, the better I like rattlesnakes. |
|
|
|
Donnie B.
Skeptic Friend
417 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2001 : 13:49:28 [Permalink]
|
Damn, I think I missed my calling. I could make up a much better set of guesses than this bozo. Anybody willing to pay me for them?
Gave me a great laugh, though... especially the Jesus letter to Mary. In Afghanistan? Damn, now that's a dead letter. Guess the Judean Postal Service was just as reliable as the USPS, eh?
-- Donnie B.
Brian: "No, no! You have to think for yourselves!" Crowd: "Yes! We have to think for ourselves!" |
|
|
|
filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2001 : 14:23:35 [Permalink]
|
A small correction: It's not an airport. Bush, rumor has it, is going to name the Justice Department Building after Bobby.
We'll see.
f
The more I learn about people, the better I like rattlesnakes. |
|
|
|
PhDreamer
SFN Regular
USA
925 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2001 : 17:47:32 [Permalink]
|
quote:
An apparition of General Robert E. Lee will materialize over the Pentagon, providing a solution to a problem that's been plaguing Defense Department planners.
WTF 
I have GOT to get me a job making this shit up.
There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to god! - Jake Blues |
|
|
|
Tokyodreamer
SFN Regular
USA
1447 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2001 : 18:27:33 [Permalink]
|
I just like the Page 3 girls...
------------
Sum Ergo Cogito |
|
|
|
Zandermann
Skeptic Friend
USA
431 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2001 : 18:54:11 [Permalink]
|
I think the most amazing prediction here is this one: "A plot to assassinate Dubya will be uncovered in the nick of time by Dan Rather."
Do you really think that Rather would say anything? |
|
|
|
Donnie B.
Skeptic Friend
417 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2001 : 19:28:32 [Permalink]
|
quote:
I think the most amazing prediction here is this one: "A plot to assassinate Dubya will be uncovered in the nick of time by Dan Rather."
Do you really think that Rather would say anything?
Well, it doesn't say he stops the plot, just that he finds out about it in time to stop it...
I think we should arrest ol' Dan and charge him with conspiracy to eventually cover up something-or-other.
-- Donnie B.
Brian: "No, no! You have to think for yourselves!" Crowd: "Yes! We have to think for ourselves!" |
|
|
|
PhDreamer
SFN Regular
USA
925 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2001 : 19:49:10 [Permalink]
|
quote:
I just like the Page 3 girls...
I used to know a British girl whose sister posed for one of those rags. Swear to Apollo.
Waitaminit. James said this was the Sun that is published in the US. You know something the rest of us don't Tokyo? 
There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to god! - Jake Blues
Edited by - PhDreamer on 11/17/2001 19:51:10 |
|
|
|
James
SFN Regular
USA
754 Posts |
Posted - 11/18/2001 : 07:58:18 [Permalink]
|
quote:
quote:
I just like the Page 3 girls...
I used to know a British girl whose sister posed for one of those rags. Swear to Apollo.
Waitaminit. James said this was the Sun that is published in the US. You know something the rest of us don't Tokyo?
Right mag on your mind, PD, only it's British. Here in the US, WWN has a Page 5 girl. Sun don't have no page anything girl.
"Necessity may be the mother of invention, but laziness is usually the father." -Bailey's First Law
Edited by - James on 11/18/2001 07:59:15 |
|
|
|
PhDreamer
SFN Regular
USA
925 Posts |
Posted - 11/18/2001 : 16:42:08 [Permalink]
|
quote:
quote:
quote:
I just like the Page 3 girls...
I used to know a British girl whose sister posed for one of those rags. Swear to Apollo.
Waitaminit. James said this was the Sun that is published in the US. You know something the rest of us don't Tokyo?
Right mag on your mind, PD, only it's British. Here in the US, WWN has a Page 5 girl. Sun don't have no page anything girl.
Well blow me down. When the hell did this start happening and why wasn't I told?
There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to god! - Jake Blues |
|
|
|
James
SFN Regular
USA
754 Posts |
Posted - 11/18/2001 : 17:59:51 [Permalink]
|
Part 2-
Isabel Almazan uses the Zodiac and here are her predictions:
[list]
The stars favor an economic recovery in February of 2002, making the months of December and January ideal for investing.Starting on December 4, a window of opportunity for peace in the Middle East opens.In January of 2002, Dubya will be lessed with unusually keen insight into international affairs.A revolution against Sadaam Hussein will break out before the end of the year.The behavior of the planet Jupiter indicates there will be a major breakthrough in the War on Terrorism in May 2002.A shocking discovery concerning Russian President Vladimir Putin in March 2002 will ead to a realignment of power in Europe and Asia.The planet Mercury will be in a favorable position for a breakthrough in bio-chemical research next month.The horoscope of Castro indicates he will soften his attitude towards capitalism in May 2002 and invites American businesses to open branches in his country.A top-secret communique between Yasir Arafat & the Iranian government will be intercepted by US intelligence operatives in January. It will enable Isreal to avoid a disastrous attack.Communist China will commit troops to the War on Terrorism in June 2002.Before the end of February 2002, terrorist cells in France, Germany, and Turkey will surrender to authorities.By mid-March of next year, Dubya will be able to declare that the first phase of the War on Terrorism has been a success.Before this year ends, the three major TV networks will announce that they will stop airing shows that glorify violence.[Thank goodness for cable. ]Sometime in 2003, documents will emerge that reveal that China had prior knowledge of the attacks.In March of next year, the FBI will find and capture a lone Unabomber-type terrorist who was planning to explode a small nuclear device outside the White House.It will be revealed, probably in December of January, that the Taliban has been kidnapping American chidren and selling them on the white slave market.By July 2002, Dubya will announce that new tax legislation put into place to finance the War on Terrorism has generated a surplus.Next August, Congress will vote tiuse the war surplus to increase Social Security payments.The weather this winter will be unseasonably warm, reducing our dependence on oil fron the Middle East.In December, a decision will be made to turn the site of WTC into an ecumenical shrine where people of all faiths can worship.
How much you wanna bet that the "surplus" ain't gonna be used to increase Social Security payments?
"Necessity may be the mother of invention, but laziness is usually the father." -Bailey's First Law
Edited by - James on 11/18/2001 18:01:44 |
|
|
|
PhDreamer
SFN Regular
USA
925 Posts |
Posted - 11/18/2001 : 18:14:09 [Permalink]
|
quote:
In January of 2002, Dubya will be lessed[sic] with unusually keen insight into international affairs.
LOL, I love it when typos turn into meaningful statements! Even if the grammar is questionable.
There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to god! - Jake Blues |
|
|
|
James
SFN Regular
USA
754 Posts |
Posted - 11/18/2001 : 18:28:35 [Permalink]
|
quote:
quote:
In January of 2002, Dubya will be lessed[sic] with unusually keen insight into international affairs.
LOL, I love it when typos turn into meaningful statements! Even if the grammar is questionable.
ROTFLMAO
I meant "blessed," but in this case, I ain't gonna change it.
"Necessity may be the mother of invention, but laziness is usually the father." -Bailey's First Law |
|
|
|
Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 11/19/2001 : 00:29:19 [Permalink]
|
quote:
In March of next year, the FBI will find and capture a lone Unabomber-type terrorist who was planning to explode a small nuclear device outside the White House
Hope he puts one in the Capital Building 1st, I sure won't miss the congress.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
|
|
 |
|
Topic Locked
