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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
 Posted - 11/22/2006 : 20:15:20
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Intelligent Design scientists announce startling discovery
Seattle, Washington, November 22, 2006 (LP) -- A panel of top scientists held a press briefing tonight to announce the results of a secretive two-year research project.
ID's best minds
The research team represents the best scientific minds that the field of Intelligent Design has to offer. Panel members are law professor Phillip E. Johnson, mathematician William A. Dembski, and theobiologist Jonathan Wells.
Phillip Johnson, head of the research team, said, "We have investigated the problem of fossil deposition in geological strata. Our work had to be carried out in a secret laboratory, because of opposition by the materialist Darwinist cult of evidence-based scientism that today dominates the scientific establishment. While completing our research, we have serendipitously founded a whole new field of scientific study. Here, let Dr. Dembski explain further."
"Damned fossils" a problem with Scientific Creationism
William Dembski stood to speak. "Our research," Dembski began, "focused upon one thorny problem of so-called Scientific Creationism: Explaining away those damned fossils. Here's the problem: The Scientific Creationists have no good explanation for why dinosaur bones are found in lower strata than are mammoth bones, while in turn, amphibian tetrapods are found lower yet than dinosaurs."
Dembski continued, "The dominant Darwinists simply wave their hands and declare, 'Time did it.' Invoking their materialistic evolutionary uniformitarianism ideology, they claim the tetrapods are low in the stata because they existed hundreds of millions of years before the dinosaurs, and that the mammoths are closer to the earth's surface than dinosaurs because mammoths lived hundreds of millions of years after the dinosaurs. Dr. Wells, please continue."
"The problem with the Darwinist explanation of the ordered strata," said Wells, "is that can't be true, because it doesn't have a Designer in it anywhere. So the well-meaning Scientific Creationists came up with the notion of fossil layering via 'hydraulic sorting.' This was used to explain how, during Noah's Flood, different types of animals settled to the ocean bottom in varying order. The amphibians sank first, followed by the reptiles, mammals and then birds."
A fairytale vs. the truth
"Of course," Wells continued, "it would take a moron to actually believe the hydraulic sorting fairytale. This idea's long been an embarrassment to those of us in the ID community. Since we also don't believe the Darwinist theory, we decided to look into how these fossils really were sorted."
A Road to Damascus moment
"What we realized in a blinding flash of revelation," said Wells, "is that the negative evidence for hydraulic sorting is positive evidence for the work of Angels. Bill calculates that approximately 200 billion Angels were assigned by the Designer to sort the bones of creatures drowned by the Deluge."
William Dembski, Phillip Johnson, and Jonathan Wells
"That's correct, Jonathan," said Dembski. "200 billion, give or take a few million. In fact, you know all that stuff that doesn't seem to make any sense in the Scriptures? We now have an explanation: Angels did it. This is why we are now announcing a new scientific field of study: Scientific Angelology. The Discovery Institute has just established the Angels Did It Foundation, funded by a generous donation from Howard Ahmanson Jr. ADIF will establish a peer-reviewed Journal of Scientific Angelology, sponsor learned conferences, and will also promote the founding of Scientific Angelology faculties and curricula in universities."
"Thank you, Bill," said Johnson. "We will now take questions from reporters. But please, no questions about the apparent change in Dr. Dembski's gender. We just assume Angels did it."
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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