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pleco
SFN Addict
USA
2998 Posts |
 Posted - 01/05/2007 : 09:08:58
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Link
quote:
Calling all Hot Women of the LORD!!!
So, I created this web page for information regarding the calling of Missionary Dating. First of all, it helps that you're good looking. Romans 12:1 says "to offer your bodies as living sacrifices." Since our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19), it makes sense that we should use our beautiful bodies to glorify HIS name, the Holy Spirit will work the strongest since He's in our body, right? That's the best position to be in!
If this is serious, then perhaps one should call these people "jesus-sluts" 
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by Filthy
The neo-con methane machine will soon be running at full fart. |
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Edited by - pleco on 01/05/2007 09:21:56
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Neurosis
SFN Regular
USA
675 Posts |
 Posted - 01/05/2007 : 09:21:51 [Permalink]
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| I'm guessing its a farce. |
Facts! Pssh, you can prove anything even remotely true with facts.
- Homer Simpson
[God] is an infinite nothing from nowhere with less power over our universe than the secretary of agriculture.
- Prof. Frink
Lisa: Yes, but wouldn't you rather know the truth than to delude yourself for happiness?
Marge: Well... um.... [goes outside to jump on tampoline with Homer.] |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2007 : 10:27:29 [Permalink]
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I dunno if it's a spoof or not, but the hot chick looks okay.
Unfortunatly, it reads like a date with her would be a little like trying to have a good time on the town with Tammy Faye Bakker.
quote:
10 Christian Dating Tips for
Effective Missionary Dating
1. If he tells your that you are hot...
Tell him God made you hot.
2. If he wants to hold your hand...
Give him a Bible.
3. If he tries to get closer...
Tell him the Holy Spirit is wooing him.
4. If he asks to pay for dinner...
Remind him that Jesus also paid a debt He did not owe!
5. If he reaches his arm around you...
Tell him that nobody will ever be as close to you as Jesus is.
(or ask him if you instead could "lay hands" on him in prayer)
6. If he tries to kiss you...
Remind him that a kiss killed your Savior.
(and you're not ready to "speak in tongues")
7. If he asks to come inside...
Ask him if he has asked Jesus to come inside his heart.
8. If he tells you he loves you...
Tell him that Jesus loves him.
9. If he gets angry that you won't put out...
Clarify to him that W.W.J.D. does NOT mean "Who would Jesus Do."
10. After you dump him...
Tell him that Jesus Christ will never leave or forsake him.
Fellow Hot Girls: You can get these Christian Dating Tips for easy reminder on a mini-poster print!
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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| Edited by - filthy on 01/05/2007 12:42:18 |
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pleco
SFN Addict
USA
2998 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2007 : 10:49:37 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Neurosis
I'm guessing its a farce.
These days, one can't be too sure about anything coming out of the uber-religious nuthouses.... |
by Filthy
The neo-con methane machine will soon be running at full fart. |
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pleco
SFN Addict
USA
2998 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2007 : 10:53:56 [Permalink]
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quote:
6. If he tries to kiss you...
Remind him that a kiss killed your Savior.
Reminded me of Clerks II for some reason:
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Randal Graves: Why haven't you fucked Myra yet?
Elias: Well we can't because of Pillow Pants.
Randal Graves: What the fuck's Pillow Pants?
Elias: Pillow Pants is a little troll that lives in her pussy.
Randal Graves: Pillow Pants is her pussy troll?
Elias: [scoffs] Duh. You know how every girl's parents put a pussy troll in them when the girls are young, to keep them from having premarital sex?
Randal Graves: Sure.
Elias: Well Myra's is named Pillow Pants. And so even though she totally wants to have sex with me, Myra says that if I put my... thing in her, Pillow Pants will bite it off. So, I gotta wait until Pillow Pants get peed out of her body on her 21st birthday before we can have sex.
Randal Graves: And Myra told you this?
Elias: Boyfriends and girlfriends talk to each other about sex stuff Randal. You'd know this if you ever had a girlfriend.
Randal Graves: Have you and Myra even kissed yet?
Elias: We would have if it weren't for Listerfiend.
Randal Graves: Listerfiend is her mouth troll, isn't it?
Elias: [shakes head] Women.
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by Filthy
The neo-con methane machine will soon be running at full fart. |
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tomk80
SFN Regular
Netherlands
1278 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2007 : 12:43:06 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by filthy
I dunno if it's a spoof or not, but the hot chick looks okay.
Unfortunatly, it reads like a date with her mould be a little like trying to have a good time on the town with Tammy Faye Bakker.
I'm trying to figure out how to keep the conversation going in the right direction, even when faced with so much righteousness. Okay, they're corny, so if anyone has other suggestions, I'll be glad to hear them.
quote:
10 Christian Dating Tips for
Effective Missionary Dating
1. If he tells your that you are hot...
Tell him God made you hot.
Girl, if God made you hot, he did that for our enjoyment. So why don't you take off those clothes, so I can enjoy God's gift to the fullest?
quote:
2. If he wants to hold your hand...
Give him a Bible.
Why do I need a bible, sweetheart? If I hold your hand, I'm holding the holy spirit. While the bible is just God's word, the holy spirit is God himself.
quote:
3. If he tries to get closer...
Tell him the Holy Spirit is wooing him.
If that's the Holy Spirit wooing me, I'll gladly take the Holy Spirit into my house.
quote:
4. If he asks to pay for dinner...
Remind him that Jesus also paid a debt He did not owe!
Wow girl, Jesus and I have so much in common! Why don't we get together more often, so you can get to know Jesus better.
quote:
5. If he reaches his arm around you...
Tell him that nobody will ever be as close to you as Jesus is.
(or ask him if you instead could "lay hands" on him in prayer)
Sweetheart, if Jesus is in you, I'll happily hug Jesus and you together.
quote:
6. If he tries to kiss you...
Remind him that a kiss killed your Savior.
I'm French, mais oui...
quote:
(and you're not ready to "speak in tongues")
Who said anything about speaking?
quote:
7. If he asks to come inside...
Ask him if he has asked Jesus to come inside his heart.
I was hoping to start by inviting the Holy Spirit into my house.
quote:
8. If he tells you he loves you...
Tell him that Jesus loves him.
Sweetheart, I can handle being loved by you both.
quote:
9. If he gets angry that you won't put out...
Clarify to him that W.W.J.D. does NOT mean "Who would Jesus Do."
Okay, this one is not applicable, I never get angry at women who I haven't slept with yet.
quote:
10. After you dump him...
Tell him that Jesus Christ will never leave or forsake him.
Sweetheart, how can you say that when you're taking the Holy Spirit with you?
quote:
Fellow Hot Girls: You can get these Christian Dating Tips for easy reminder on a mini-poster print!
[/quote] |
Tom
`Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, `if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.'
-Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Caroll- |
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard
3192 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2007 : 13:30:47 [Permalink]
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Warning! The following contains a highly tasteless joke which does not represent the views of BPS of SFN.
...and on the 8th day God created rufies. |
"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History
"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini |
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Ricky
SFN Die Hard
USA
4907 Posts |
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