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PhDreamer
SFN Regular
USA
925 Posts |
 Posted - 08/24/2001 : 21:36:53
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Greg
Skeptic Friend
USA
281 Posts |
 Posted - 08/25/2001 : 04:42:47 [Permalink]
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PhDreamer,
I think that you are simply seeing the actions of a person who is afraid to go it alone and take responsibility for her own life. The soul-mate thing is just an excuse for this type of behavior. Maybe she has even convinced herself of it.
Greg.
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Lisa
SFN Regular
USA
1223 Posts |
Posted - 08/25/2001 : 09:53:09 [Permalink]
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They're what, 18 or 19? I'm inclined to think they're confusing spirituality with hormones. After you've calmed down a bit, put it to her this way: if she's really, truly in love, one little year won't make a difference. 12 months. 365 days. Since she's on scholarship, trying college for a year is a win-win situation. Prediction: she'll get to a college campus and within a few months forget about the high school weenie.
BTW, what base are you near?
Lisa
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Trish
SFN Addict
USA
2102 Posts |
Posted - 08/25/2001 : 15:51:10 [Permalink]
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No clue where it originated, but it's about one of the silliest concepts out there. Saw too many girls give up dreams for that bunk. I've seen alot of marriages based on that fall apart and have seen marriages based on the *want to get out of the barracks* work. How many of those have you seen work Lisa?
He's YOUR god, they're YOUR rules, YOU burn in hell! |
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Lisa
SFN Regular
USA
1223 Posts |
Posted - 08/25/2001 : 20:54:54 [Permalink]
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quote:
No clue where it originated, but it's about one of the silliest concepts out there. Saw too many girls give up dreams for that bunk. I've seen alot of marriages based on that fall apart and have seen marriages based on the *want to get out of the barracks* work. How many of those have you seen work Lisa?
He's YOUR god, they're YOUR rules, YOU burn in hell!
Didn't see hardly any of the marriages work. Not sure if it was a barracks issue though. In the AF, very few places still make someone have a roommate. The AF is trying to get to 100% of the airmen having their own room.
IMO, they were all just too young. 18 - 20, first duty assignment, still in upgrade training. Not to mention the frequent deployment pressures. They've gone from the prom to basic training, to tech school and their assignment. Playing house right away isn't a good idea. The marriange usually cracks at about the 1 year point.
Lisa
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PhDreamer
SFN Regular
USA
925 Posts |
Posted - 08/25/2001 : 21:24:49 [Permalink]
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quote:
They're what, 18 or 19? I'm inclined to think they're confusing spirituality with hormones. After you've calmed down a bit, put it to her this way: if she's really, truly in love, one little year won't make a difference. 12 months. 365 days. Since she's on scholarship, trying college for a year is a win-win situation. Prediction: she'll get to a college campus and within a few months forget about the high school weenie.
BTW, what base are you near?
Lisa
Problem is, the scholarship won't wait for her. She's not going to college this year, at least not there. I guess I should have mentioned she's a gen-u-wine Southern Baptist; 2 days a week church minimum, revivals, that kind of thing. Her mother is the, 'a woman can't function correctly without a good man' sort. So. Baptists are used to having things force fed to them at extreme volumes and with plenty of hellfire and brimstone, and I can't try to argue with her emotionally about what I perceive is an intellectual problem. Anyway, I have more pressing matters as of yesterday, such as the 16-year-old on my high school team who is pregnant by her 19-year-old control freak boyfriend. Oh yeah, I live in Pensacola, FL, so we have Pensacola NAS and Whiting Field near, both flight training bases, not to mention Eglin AFB about 45 min. away. This girl's boyfriend is a flight student at P-NAS.
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Trish
SFN Addict
USA
2102 Posts |
Posted - 08/26/2001 : 07:50:21 [Permalink]
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quote:
I guess I should have mentioned she's a gen-u-wine Southern Baptist; 2 days a week church minimum, revivals, that kind of thing. Her mother is the, 'a woman can't function correctly without a good man' sort. So. Baptists are used to having things force fed to them at extreme volumes and with plenty of hellfire and brimstone, and I can't try to argue with her emotionally about what I perceive is an intellectual problem.
Well, there's your problem. Damned SBs just don't get it. I was being raised catholic by my mom so my SB paternal grandparents (grandfather) said I was going to burn in hell but maybe summers with them in a good SB church would keep me from the hell fire. Gee, wonder what he'd think now?
He's YOUR god, they're YOUR rules, YOU burn in hell! |
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Wendy
SFN Regular
USA
614 Posts |
Posted - 08/26/2001 : 08:09:50 [Permalink]
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quote:
Problem is, the scholarship won't wait for her. She's not going to college this year, at least not there.
What a terrible waste. I think everyone here has made valid points, and this is probably a combination of fear, hormones, and spirituality as an excuse to cop out.
I hope you won't allow this experience to discourage you with respect to future students.
Wendy Jones |
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PhDreamer
SFN Regular
USA
925 Posts |
Posted - 08/26/2001 : 11:37:09 [Permalink]
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quote:
quote:
Problem is, the scholarship won't wait for her. She's not going to college this year, at least not there.
What a terrible waste. I think everyone here has made valid points, and this is probably a combination of fear, hormones, and spirituality as an excuse to cop out.
I just don't think it's a simple cop out. This girl is a fantastic player right now and she has more potential. She is competitive, she plays hard all the time and she seems to genuinely enjoy the game. She enjoys school and she very well knows she won't be able to attend without financial assistance. The facts suggest that the right thing to do is take the money and play, but she has turned her shallow relationship into a point of equal or greater magnitude, which it absolutely should not be.
quote:
I hope you won't allow this experience to discourage you with respect to future students.
Nah, I haven't been coaching long enough to become disillusioned yet 
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Orpheus
Skeptic Friend
92 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2001 : 05:19:59 [Permalink]
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Yep, the "soul mate" idea has always befuddled and annoyed me throughout my life. Seems like so-called "spiritual people" tend to make life very complex and simple at the same time. Complex in the sense that they have endless opportunities to upset themselves and pass up on what life has to offer because their "soul mate" happens to not have arrived yet, has arrived but is already attached, or any other combination.
Simple in the sense that to admit that there are millions of "ones" out there seems an awful lot like admitting that you may not be THAT special and unique, and that the universe may not really gives a rat's ass whether you find a date or not...
Find your own damned answers! |
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Valiant Dancer
Forum Goalie
USA
4826 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2001 : 08:04:21 [Permalink]
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quote:
This is a good one. One of my volleyball players from the club season just passed was supposed to succeed. She was a high school senior last year; 6'1, athletic, court-smart, but her family's dirt poor. I had some conversations with a few coaches and one, from a solid program in south Florida, offered her a full athletic scholarship just having seen her videotape. Wonderful, I think, my work is finally paying off for these kids. So the season ends and I assume she will attend summer training at the college. A few weeks pass and another coach friend of mine sees her slinging beer at the bowling alley on base here. He talks to her briefly and she says she wants to work for a bit of money and her coach-to-be has given her the workouts and she will do them on her own. OOOOOkaaaaayyy, whatever. Few more weeks, we are driving home from the marina one weekend afternoon and who should we see in the next lane? Yep, in a yellow Mustang driven by a crew-cutted gentleman, with the license plate 'Flyboy.' A phone conversation later that day reveals this: she thinks this guy might be 'the one.' Not sure if she should go to college because the jet-head is finishing flight school and she might have to follow him wherever he goes. I lose my temper, how can you throw away everything you've worked for, everything I've worked for, yadayada, then I tell her that the whole idea that one person has been cosmically chosen to be her ideal mate is a crock and exactly why I think it is a crock. She says you don't know what you are talking about, you don't know me, you don't know what I want, yadayada, and hangs up. I see all this as a slap in the face by learned ignorance. The 'soulmate' mumbo-jumbo has become my least favorite spiritual concept. Anyone have any opinions on any of this? Any idea where this concept originated?
This signature does not exist.
The problem is that a "soulmate" may exist (spiritually) but tenants of this belief state that things will happen when you least expect it to bring you together with them. Trying to hurry up the process doesn't work/get you stuck with the wrong person.
In this case, your friend has, most likely, been looking for someone to "complete" themselves. That never happens. You have to be two seperate individuals with similar interests.
An interesting arguement to use with your friend might be based on how they met, how does she know he is "the" one for her, was she looking for Mr. Right. At the end of the process, you have to be able to walk away from it. You can't save everyone from their own (or perceived) stupidity. It's a lesson I had to learn the hard way. Got me into five relationships, all of which ended badly.
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Trish
SFN Addict
USA
2102 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2001 : 17:51:36 [Permalink]
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quote:
In this case, your friend has, most likely, been looking for someone to "complete" themselves. That never happens. You have to be two seperate individuals with similar interests.
Seldom is a truer statement made!
He's YOUR god, they're YOUR rules, YOU burn in hell! |
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@tomic
Administrator
USA
4607 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2001 : 17:59:54 [Permalink]
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It looks like someone is going to be doing some serious growing up at some point. I don't think this is really a sprirituality issue. I think it's more about the follies of youth and being overly romantic.
by the time she's on her third husband she can look back and laugh....or not.
 @tomic
Gravity, not just a good idea...it's the law! |
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Zandermann
Skeptic Friend
USA
431 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2001 : 18:07:46 [Permalink]
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quote:
... I don't think this is really a sprirituality issue. ...
@tomic, you caught me in mid-post, saying much the same thing.
PhDreamer, I know the frustration/impotence of what you're dealing with. I've had many students over the years make choices that seemed to me at the time (and some that still do seem to me) to be mistakes...up to and including her use of the term 'soulmate'.
But it strikes me also that usage of that term (which is after all in common parlance these days) doesn't necessarily come from a 'spiritual' base...so I'd like to take issue with your title for this folder.
I'd suggest something along the lines of "Being young and inexperienced makes you do 'young and inexperienced' things".
Doesn't have quite the same zing, though. |
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PhDreamer
SFN Regular
USA
925 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2001 : 20:17:26 [Permalink]
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quote:
quote:
... I don't think this is really a sprirituality issue. ...
@tomic, you caught me in mid-post, saying much the same thing.
PhDreamer, I know the frustration/impotence of what you're dealing with. I've had many students over the years make choices that seemed to me at the time (and some that still do seem to me) to be mistakes...up to and including her use of the term 'soulmate'.
But it strikes me also that usage of that term (which is after all in common parlance these days) doesn't necessarily come from a 'spiritual' base...so I'd like to take issue with your title for this folder.
I was making an obvious and hyperbolic generalization out of frustration, but I have to say, I fail to see how romantic determinism fails to qualify as spiritual.
quote:
I'd suggest something along the lines of "Being young and inexperienced makes you do 'young and inexperienced' things".
Realize all, she is a Southern Baptist. She attends a church three times a week that practices revivalism. She makes above average grades and she knows she won't go to college without full financial assistance. She prays before matches. She prays during timeouts. I'm sorry if I must insist that this is more than an ignorant decision.
This signature does not exist. |
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bestonnet_00
Skeptic Friend
Australia
358 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2001 : 00:20:07 [Permalink]
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Maybe she's scared that if she gets a good education she will lose her belief in god.
Radioactive GM Crops.
Slightly above background.
Safe to eat.
But no activist would dare rip it out.
As they think it gives them cancer. |
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